We hope you love our recommendations! Some may have been sent as samples, but all were independently selected by our editors. Just FYI, BuzzFeed and its publishing partners may collect a share of sales and/or other compensation from the links on this page.
1. A Grumpy Cat 2021 wall calendar full of funny phrases and photographs for a perpetually cranky sourpuss like yourself.
2. An appropriately themed journal for whenever you feel vexed with work so you have a place to put down all your frustrations about how you'd like to give Betty a piece of your mind because she kept cutting you off in that Zoom meeting.
3. A coffee mug you'll just be itching to give to your worst enemy — and by worst enemy, I mean that one kid in third grade who borrowed your favorite pen and then never gave it back.
4. A sweatshirt that'll understand you like no other sweater will. Make sure to walk in slow motion so everyone will be able to read it.
5. A chapbook called The House of The Man That Died — a darker variation on the classic children's nursery rhyme The House That Jack Built that shows the cruelty of life — because taking a nursery story and turning it tragic sounds right up your alley.
6. "Eh, not dark enough for me?" you scoff? Then how 'bout this vintage-style chapbook called Victoria In The Woods, about a child who *gulps* hangs his playmate? That dark enough for ya?
7. An LOL-worthy (but probably true) ghost enamel pin to use on your jacket, cap, or backpack.
8. A pair of these wonderful socks that'll send the message out loud and clear.
9. A sticker of Smudge, the cat from that famous Woman Yelling at Cat meme that embodies your soul and spirit.
10. Or an art print of the whole dang meme! That cat was you in another life! That cat is you at the world 24/7.
11. A Godzilla King Ghidorah jumbo plush you can throw at someone's head when they're irking you just a bit too much.
12. A ghoulish bag of loose leaf chai black tea to upgrade your tea fix because when you're out for blood, well, you can settle for the blood of Kali.
13. A bag of Death Wish coffee to mimic how your soul feels when you've had a really, really, really (is that enough reallys?) long day.
14. How To Swear Around The World, a book that'll teach you how to swear in different languages — this one is def a must-have. A different swear word for every occasion, you know?
15. A slapstick vintage-style square magnet to slap onto your fridge because this is the kind of fridge decor you need.
16. A coffin cookie cutter to bake cookies with a not-so-subtle message for everyone who annoys you. Bonus points if you write their names too.
17. A perfectly snarky wooden sign you can place on your desk and then make dagger eyes at anyone who dares to disagree.
18. A hidden message cushion pillow that can be personalized to announce your meanest, ugliest statement but in a super classy way. It's great as a gift or decor for your own home.
19. An oven mitt perfectly suitable for someone who just can't deal anymore.
20. A waterproof declarative vinyl sticker that you can put on your laptop, mirror, fridge, phone, face...anywhere people are sure to see it.
21. A sarcastic candle that'll totally get you and do its job of scenting up the place.
22. A pretty shirt with an equally pretty statement that warns everyone to steer clear of you. You need like seven different versions tbh so you can wear one every day of the week.
23. A set of funny ceramic plant pots that prove to everyone that you do have a sense of humor, even if you feel like hissing all the time. Two birds with one stone and all that.
24. An official blah button that'll make LOL-worthy "blah" phrases in 12 unique ways so you can painlessly get out of conversations you have no interest in with people who irritate you to no end.
25. A mini screaming goat figure — it's a real-life version of those viral screaming goat videos you love. Press the button whenever you need to let off some steam and startle everyone around you.
You wherever you are:
