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    25 Products For People Who Aren't All That Friendly

    Because not everyone has a heart now, do they?

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A Grumpy Cat 2021 wall calendar full of funny phrases and photographs for a perpetually cranky sourpuss like yourself.

    the calendar cover
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $7.49.

    2. An appropriately themed journal for whenever you feel vexed with work so you have a place to put down all your frustrations about how you'd like to give Betty a piece of your mind because she kept cutting you off in that Zoom meeting.

    the cover that says things i want to say at work but can't
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95.

    3. A coffee mug you'll just be itching to give to your worst enemy — and by worst enemy, I mean that one kid in third grade who borrowed your favorite pen and then never gave it back.

    mug that says "you've been poisoned" on the bottom
    Amazon

    This mug is dishwasher- and microwave-safe.

    Get it from Amazon for $15.99.

    4. A sweatshirt that'll understand you like no other sweater will. Make sure to walk in slow motion so everyone will be able to read it.

    sweater with happy face and text that says "have a nice day six feet away"
    Shop BuzzFeed

    Get it from Shop BuzzFeed for $39.99 (available in sizes S-5XL and also in white).

    5. A chapbook called The House of The Man That Died — a darker variation on the classic children's nursery rhyme The House That Jack Built that shows the cruelty of life — because taking a nursery story and turning it tragic sounds right up your alley.

    Arnowart / Etsy

    Arnowart is a small biz run by artist and graphic designer Eileen Arnow-Levine. who has been creating spooky and satirical handbound books that focus on death since 1987!

    Get it from Arnowart on Etsy for $6.

    6. "Eh, not dark enough for me?" you scoff? Then how 'bout this vintage-style chapbook called Victoria In The Woods, about a child who *gulps* hangs his playmate? That dark enough for ya?

    inside preview of the book
    Arnowart / Etsy

    Get it from Arnowart for $6.

    7. An LOL-worthy (but probably true) ghost enamel pin to use on your jacket, cap, or backpack.

    the pin with two ghosts and a black heart in between that says you're never alone if you have demons
    Ectogasm / Etsy

    Ectogasm is a California-based small biz run by Raeha Keller that makes unusual enamel pins, jewelry, and accessories!

    Get it from Amazon or Ectogasm on Etsy for $12.99.

    8. A pair of these wonderful socks that'll send the message out loud and clear.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Love them! Both my girls got a kick out of them and wear them all the time. Great little surprise gift. They fit well, the colors are vibrant, and they washed well. Would buy another pair, especially as a gift." —Sandee

    Get them from Amazon: the stop talking socks for $12.99 and the people I want to meet socks for $12.99.

    9. A sticker of Smudge, the cat from that famous Woman Yelling at Cat meme that embodies your soul and spirit.

    TutAndRogueStickerCo / Etsy

    TutAndRogue is a family-owned small biz that makes cute Japanese- and pop culture-inspired stickers, keychains, clothing, and accessories.

    Get it from TutAndRogueStickerCo on Etsy for $3.49.

    10. Or an art print of the whole dang meme! That cat was you in another life! That cat is you at the world 24/7.

    the framed print
    PurseKing / Etsy

    PurseKing is a small biz that sells, yes, you guessed it, purses, handbags, and backpacks that are animal-friendly, vegan, and all-natural. They also sell fun cult classic posters and prints!

    Get it from PurseKing on Etsy for $7+ (available in a variety of styles).

    11. A Godzilla King Ghidorah jumbo plush you can throw at someone's head when they're irking you just a bit too much.

    the plushie
    Toynk

    Get it from Toynk for $79.99.

    12. A ghoulish bag of loose leaf chai black tea to upgrade your tea fix because when you're out for blood, well, you can settle for the blood of Kali.

    the cover of the bag with a grisly illustration of Kali
    Coffee Shop of Horrors

    This is a blend of black tea and ground cardamon, cinnamon, ginger root, black pepper, and cloves. There are more than 12 different types of tea and coffee to choose from. They come in different sizes, including a sample size, and each type has its own macabre artwork and name on the bag! So fun.

    Coffee Shop of Horrors is a small biz based in Florida that sells fair trade coffee and certified organic tea with a whole lot of scares! They roast their beans to order, and grind to your specifications if you desire, so you’ll always get fresh coffee. They also do not sell anything that’s over 30 days old.

    Get it from the Coffee Shop of Horrors for $10.99.

    13. A bag of Death Wish coffee to mimic how your soul feels when you've had a really, really, really (is that enough reallys?) long day.

    the black package
    Amazon

    Promising review: "OK folks, words of warning....if you have heart conditions, ration out your coffee. I'm serious; heed my warning or you could end up cleaning your entire house, doing all your yard work, making love to your partner, waxing your car, building a garage, or single handedly raising the Titanic on your own; all in the first hour after drinking this wonderful coffee. You have been warned!" —ITsTheXFactor

    Get a one pound bag from Amazon for $19.96 (also available in whole beans or coffee pods).

    14. How To Swear Around The World, a book that'll teach you how to swear in different languages — this one is def a must-have. A different swear word for every occasion, you know?

    the cover
    Chronicle Books

    Get it from Amazon for $10.99, from Bookshop for $11.91 to support independent bookstores, or from Target for $10.99.

    15. A slapstick vintage-style square magnet to slap onto your fridge because this is the kind of fridge decor you need.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99: the supper one here and the cat one here.

    16. A coffin cookie cutter to bake cookies with a not-so-subtle message for everyone who annoys you. Bonus points if you write their names too.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Promising review: "This is a perfect cookie cutter. I made cute little chiffon cookies with this. With this the cookies are not too big and not too small." —Poppy

    Get it from Amazon for $4.92.

    17. A perfectly snarky wooden sign you can place on your desk and then make dagger eyes at anyone who dares to disagree.

    wooden sign that says as long as everything is exactly the way i want it, i'm totally flexible
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $12.50.

    18. A hidden message cushion pillow that can be personalized to announce your meanest, ugliest statement but in a super classy way. It's great as a gift or decor for your own home.

    pillow with black sequins that are brushed to reveal the message "emma, u ok hun?"
    Firebox

    Get it from Firebox for $35.

    19. An oven mitt perfectly suitable for someone who just can't deal anymore.

    the mitt with vintage style drawing of woman that says i have a knife
    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99.

    20. A waterproof declarative vinyl sticker that you can put on your laptop, mirror, fridge, phone, face...anywhere people are sure to see it.

    sticker on laptop that says ew people
    MoonandStarCo / Etsy

    MoonandStarCo is a Florida-based small biz run by a Latina woman who designs and creates from scratch! The biz sells stickers, accessories, and home decor.

    Get it from MoonandStarCo on Etsy for $5.50+ (available in six sizes and a variety of colors).

    21. A sarcastic candle that'll totally get you and do its job of scenting up the place.

    candle called may the bridges I burn light the way infused with a sense of defiance
    Amazon

    MaliciousWomanCo is a woman-owned company selling sassy candles, cosmetics, jewelry and more, ethically! The candles are long-lasting, made with natural soy wax, and come in reusable jars. Fragrances range from earthy black ashwood to roasted coffee to vanilla cupcake.

    Promising review: "I fell in love with these candles after buying one a few weeks ago, and I really connected with the company's story. I also love that they use some of their proceeds to help women in need. My second candle arrived today and the quality of this one is just as good as the first one. It burns even and clean, all the way to the bottom! I will be back for more!" —Holly H.

    Get it from Amazon for $25 (available in a variety of scents).

    22. A pretty shirt with an equally pretty statement that warns everyone to steer clear of you. You need like seven different versions tbh so you can wear one every day of the week.

    light pink shirt that says it's a beautiful day to leave me alone
    RoxyMoonShop / Etsy

    RoxyMoonShop is a small biz thats sells custom shirts and gifts.

    Get it from RoxyMoonShop on Etsy for $23.06 (available in unisex sizes XS–3XL and three colors).

    23. A set of funny ceramic plant pots that prove to everyone that you do have a sense of humor, even if you feel like hissing all the time. Two birds with one stone and all that.

    set of plant pots with funny captions like don't be a prick
    BloomsnRooms / Etsy

    Plants not included, guys.

    BloomsnRooms is a small biz owned by Kendra Jewitt, a self-employed mother of three kids! The shop sells custom fun and funny plant pots, socks, tea towels, and other cute things.

    Get the set of six from BloomsnRooms on Etsy for $38.94.

    24. An official blah button that'll make LOL-worthy "blah" phrases in 12 unique ways so you can painlessly get out of conversations you have no interest in with people who irritate you to no end.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I bought this as a gag gift for my stepdad and he loved it, especially because it annoyed my mom who constantly nags him. Great funny gift. He had the whole family laughing." —lashana

    Get it from Amazon for $10.99.

    25. A mini screaming goat figure — it's a real-life version of those viral screaming goat videos you love. Press the button whenever you need to let off some steam and startle everyone around you.

    the goat figure and package
    Amazon

    The figure comes with a 32-page illustrated pocket guide filled with fun facts and trivia about, well, goats!

    Promising review: "This was hilarious! Both the figurine and the book. Bought for a coworker, we all laughed and laughed each time we made it scream! We even played it over the loudspeaker for our warehouse workers to hear, and hearing it over that loudspeaker had us cracking up the rest of the day! Wouldn't have thought it be so popular, but everyone loves it, especially the guy who it's for!" —Ashley

    Get it from Amazon for $7.25.

    You wherever you are:

    Nickelodeon Animation Studio

    The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

    Find the perfect gift for any occasion, from white elephant gift exchanges to gifts for teachers, housewarming gifts to birthday gifts, and even the perfect gift basket if you’re truly stumped. Plus, check out the BuzzFeed gift guide for even more incredible gifting ideas.

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