I'm not going to be the one to tell you that it was Sonam Kapoor ~Ahuja~'s wedding day yesterday because if you didn't already know, you've mastered being off social media and I encourage this endeavour.
This is the third function spread over the last couple of days – they first had a mehendi, then a wedding and then tonight's reception-sangeet-mashup.
The bride is at the heart of Bollywood's widest spread dynasty – she's literally related to Anil Kapoor, Arjun Kapoor, Ranveer Singh, and distantly related to THE KAREENA-KARISMA line of Kapoors, so basically ALL OF BOLLYWOOD IS THERE.
And sure, it's a shit ton of beautiful people looking extra beautiful, but it is also FINALLY the moment I wait for through ALL weddings: when the ceremonies are done, the formalities are over, AND EVERYONE IS JUST GETTING DRUNK AS HELL. For evidence, see the evolution of Shah Rukh's neckline from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.
1.FIRST OF ALL, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, Anil Kapoor, and Mika Singh are dancing to "Tan Tana Tan Tan Tan Tara".
2.MOVIN' ON. Salman and Shah Rukh went on to sing (VERY BADLY) a Karan Arjun song to Anil Kapoor's poor wife, Sunita.
3.Ranveer Singh remained Ranveer Singh so there's really not much to say here.
4.And of course he picked up Sonam's brand new husband and spun him around for a while so the one guy who pukes tonight is going to be the groom.
5.Kareena Kapoor Khan, Alia Bhatt, and Karisma Kapoor gave us a teaser to the multi-female lead film we deserve to see them in together.
6.Selfie poses reached peak drunk: face-in-hair! Who hasn't been there???
7.We all know "My name is Lakhan" played at some point in the evening.
8.Then Karan Johar has done the most 🔥🔥🔥 dance I've ever seen but obviously with the bravado that only comes after one too many Jägers.
9.Rhea Kapoor reached that part of the night where you absolutely have to call your best friends "bitches" with utmost affection.
10.Like 30 people asked Sonam, on her wedding day, ki mujhse shaadi karogi?
11.At 3 a.m., Arjun Kapoor went live on Instagram. Ranveer and Arjun then live-performed the SACRED RITUAL between all drunk BFFs: just calling each other hot.
12.And then they feared arrest (by their own families) for entering a party (THROWN BY THEIR OWN FAMILIES).
13.And, finally, we reached the gibberish Instastory phase of the night, when everyone just started posting typos that they'll wake up hungover and delete.
14.Of course, there was also the "waking up in the morning and checking your camera roll from last night" that Karan Johar indulged in, giving us some cahjjj famous people selfies.