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This Is What "Celebrity Deathmatch" Would Be Like Today

We do the killing so you don't have to!

In 1998 MTV introduced us to the best way to instantly solve any and all celebrity feuds, spats, and disputes.

MTV / Via youtube.com

Claymation versions of celebrities fought to the bitter end and it was absolutely hilarious!

MTV / Via ign.com
MTV / Via fasthack.com

It resolved spats between celeb duos like Paris and Nicole. (Nicole totally won by the way.)

But we were curious to know: If Celebrity Deathmatch were still on today, who would win and how?

Iggy Azalea vs. Azealia Banks

Monique Steele / Buzzfeed

Scenario 1: Azealia Banks aggressively tweets Iggy causing Iggy's return to Australia out of sheer humiliation.

Scenario 2: Iggy drives Azealia insane with a slew of incoherent rhymes from her on-the-spot freestyle.

  1. Which scenario did you prefer?

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    Scenario 1: Azealia Banks wins
  2.  
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    Scenario 2: Iggy Azalea wins

Khloé Kardashian vs. Amber Rose

Monique Steele / Buzzfeed

Scenario 1: After a series of snide remarks and underhanded jabs, both Amber and Khloé are chased straight out of the arena by an angry mob of impatient and highly annoyed audience members.

Scenario 2: Khloé Kardashian and the rest of the Kardashian clan are driven into hiding when Amber Rose displays the true heights of South Philly aggression.

  1. Which scenario did you prefer?

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    Scenario 1: Audience attacks both celebrities
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    Scenario 2: Amber Rose wins

Beck vs. Kanye West

Monique Steele / Buzzfeed

Scenario 1: Beck plays every instrument featured on his Grammy-winning album all at once. The sheer musicality of it all causes Kanye’s mind to overprocess and implode.

Scenario 2: Kanye's arrogance is so overwhelming, Beck leaves the music scene altogether claiming, "It just wasn't worth it." He is yet to be heard from, although rumor has it that he will be lending some of his musical talents to the next Beyoncé album.

  1. Which scenario did you prefer?

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    Scenario 1: Beck wins
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    Scenario 2: Kanye wins

Taylor Swift vs. Katy Perry

Monique Steele / Buzzfeed

Scenario 1: Katy wins, delivering a display of side-eye so powerful that it causes Taylor's heart to break, but the experience was so great it allowed Taylor to write four more Grammy-winning albums about heartache, albeit of a different persuasion than usual.

Scenario 2: Taylor Swift wins after sabotaging the shark mascots from Katy Perry's halftime show, so that Katy's performance would be overshadowed by a dancing shark, who would become the only trending topic worth mentioning in regards to the halftime show, right behind Missy Elliot.

  1. Which scenario did you prefer?

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    Scenario 1: Katy Perry wins
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    Scenario 2: Taylor Swift wins

Justin Bieber vs. Orlando Bloom

Monique Steele / Buzzfeed

Scenario 1: Orlando Bloom never makes it to the arena. It is believed that he was mauled by Beliebers on his way to the fight.

Scenario 2: Orlando Bloom attempts to literally knock some sense into Bieber, causing the Beliebers to go on the offensive. While no actual attack has occurred just yet, Bloom has claimed, on multiple occasions, that he feels as though he's being constantly watched.

  1. Which scenario did you prefer?

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    Scenario 1: Justin Bieber wins by default
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    Scenario 2: Orlando Bloom wins

In any case it's still the most cathartic way to resolve celebrity feuds.

MTV / Via youtube.com

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