1. Because they aren't coached by any of these guys.
Pete Carroll is a smirking robber baron. Jim Harbaugh is a pirouetting temper tantrum waiting to happen. And Bill Belichick wants you to get the hell off his lawn.
2. But rather by this hero, who is recovering from mid-season heart surgery.
3. Because rather than the macho yapping of the Seahawks and Niners, they wear their emotions on their sleeve — like real men — AND IT'S REALLY INTIMIDATING.
4. Because Peyton shills for fast food pizza — America's least hatable fast food group.
5. Because Wes Welker redeemed himself from having been a hatable Patriot by getting his legs eaten by Komodo dragons.
6. Because Eric Decker and his wife Jessie James are, um, very nice to look at.
7. Because they know that hard work pays off.
8. Because of Jack Fucking Del Rio.
9. Because their most controversial player, Von Miller, won't even step on the field during the playoffs.
10. Because the state of Colorado is super chill. Some may even call it the chillest of states.
11. Because their kicker is a boss.
12. Because they set almost every offensive record imaginable and they weren't dicks about it....
Unlike some other people we know.
13. Because Peyton Manning actually responds to random wedding invites...
14. And enjoys playing elaborate pranks on his teammates.
Peyton sent handsome wide receiver Eric Decker a fake invoice from their off-season work outs at Duke.
15. Because Champ Bailey deserves a Super Bowl ring.
16. Because the WORST thing about them is they created Tebow-mania...
17. But they realized their mistake and took care of that problem REAL QUICK.
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this post stated that Von Miller violated the NFL's performance enhancing drug policy. Miller was suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy.