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22 Amazingly Ridiculous Things You Can Buy At Opening Ceremony

Where amazingly cool people shop.

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Hello! We are Kristin and Leo and sometimes, we like to talk about fashion. Today, we're discussing merch from the very high-end boutique, Opening Ceremony, which has locations in Los Angeles, NYC, and Tokyo.

Sam Stryker for BuzzFeed

A few thoughts on Opening Ceremony before we begin:

Leo: It's really a "lifestyle" store. I feel like you can't be a semi-normal person and just pick something up there — you have to commit to dressing like Miley or Rihanna full time, otherwise everyone's going to be confused as to why you're wearing a blazer made of braided human hair or something. That said, I'm actually really jealous of people who do shop there. I want to be that wild. And rich.

Kristin: I actually thought this was a gardening supply store before today.

1. Lovely Leitrim+E Dress, Bernhard Willhelm, $825

Leo: I have to assume this dress is a actually a test seeking to prove that humanity has attained peak levels of nincompoop. Otherwise, I cannot explain the randomness.

Kristin: This dress looks like some poor guy accidentally dropped his fishing net over an art school and all he was was able to catch were contemplative photos of zippers.

3. Zip Pocket V-Neck T-Shirt, Walk of Shame, $500

Leo: Mugatu was definitely here. I might point out that the description says: "Moscow’s hotshot designer Walk of Shame presents a collection fit for girls who drink champagne for breakfast." I can't speak from experience, but I don't think Russian prisons are that nice?

Kristin: Yeah, selling $500 prison uniforms is some next level "let them eat cake!" shit.

Leo: Orange is the new whack!

4. Stone Wash Wide Leg Denim, Kenzo, $745

openingceremony.us

Kristin: I kind of love wide-leg jeans. They're like big old medieval trumpets that announce, "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, PRINCESS DENIM OF JNCOTOWN IS ARRIVING."

::Leo gasps in utter terror::

Leo: JNCOs. Those are JNCOs. Oh GOD SAVE US ALL.

5. Susan Pike Thunder Printed Polo Shirt, Haal, $345

Via openingceremony.us

Leo: Wait, this is called the "Susan Pike thunder shirt." WHO is Susan Pike? According to Google she's a plastic surgeon in Round Rock, TX. She has a very favorable rating on Yelp.

Kristin: This is like a Goosebumps book cover for, like, The Curse Of The Haunted Golf Shirt.

6. Pinstriped Waved Lapel Sleeveless Dress, J.W. Anderson, $1,385

Kristin: ♬ Row row row yourself, gently down the street, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream when you can afford a $1,300 version of the dress Ariel made for herself when she got human legs in The Little Mermaid. ♬

Leo: Nauti-can't.

7. Lioness Sock, Pum Pum Socks, $38

Via openingceremony.us

Leo: True story: Bob Marley wore these his first day of kindergarten.

Kristin: Also, according to the product description, these are supposed to be the colors of the Jamaican flag but they are actually the colors of the Ethiopian flag, so. Just saying.

8. Ruffled Panda Head Tee, Nicopanda, $115

Leo: This looks like one of those bathroom sets grannies love. You know, with the matching bathmat and frilly toilet seat cover?

Kristin: I didn't know the American Girl doll company sold clothes for adults.

Leo: OMG if they did, I would so buy a Felicity outfit.

10. Inter-Titty Top, Vivienne Westwood Worlds End @ OC, $190

openingceremony.us

Kristin: What does that say? "Do it yourself."

Leo: ...So why...even buy the dress?

Kristin: It's also called the "inter-titty top."

Leo: what does that mean? Like inter-city?

Kristin: It's between two titties.

11. 3/4 Net Bodysuit, Veronique Leroy, $840

Leo: This could probably look cool, but I'm generally confused by bodysuits. The world does not need more fashion items designed to make peeing difficult. Why not just make, like, a shirt you tuck in, and NOT wrap around your vagina?

Kristin: "I'm cosplaying as a tennis racket!"

12. Kelley Check Suspender Pleated Skirt, Chloe Sevingy for Opening Ceremony, $495

Via openingceremony.us

Leo: OK. I want to wear this. I would not care if I got looks. I would Cher Horowitz the crap outta this plaid skirt.

Kristin: I don't wear mini-skirts very often, but when I do, I prefer ones with seat belts.

13. Handpainted Pleated Denim Jacket, Faustine Steinmetz, $820

Kristin: She looks like a time-traveler from a perfect future where society has finally decided that ironing clothes is silly and not a sign of being a responsible adult.

Leo: This is what happens when you leave your clothes in the washer overnight. Well, at least now college students everywhere can revel in the fact that their forgetfulness is now high fashion.

15. La Chemise Longue Maillot, Jacquemus, $510

Kristin: This dress is a pretty accurate representation of what happens whenever I try to put on a bra, anyway.

Leo: This dress is a pretty accurate representation of what happens whenever I try to dress myself, generally.

16. Athena Small Lunch Bag, Opening Ceremony, $405

Via openingceremony.us

Leo: I had one of these in third grade. Except it was WAY AWESOMER because it was covered in penguins and didn't cost $400.

Kristin: This looks like the lunch bag they give you when you join the Illuminati.

17. Shredded Loose Tank Dress, 69, $600

Via openingceremony.us

Kristin: I was runnin' through the 6 with my holes.

Leo: The name of the line is 69. ::Giggles like a 12-year-old boy::

Kristin: Also, this model looks like she gets it. Like, "I know we're not fooling anybody, I know I look like I just wandered into a Les Miserables-themed Gap ad."

Leo: 69...::suppresses giggles::...and it's filled with...holes.

19. Bley Fructidor Blue Print Satin Dress, Acne Studio, $950

Kristin: LEO. IT'S A FOOT PRINT.

Leo: Wait, what? Are those feet? I can't see it very well. It's like...flesh cutouts? I don't know.

Kristin: There's also tropical fruit. This dress is for if you like feet-a coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

Leo: And if you're not into...togas? Sorry I fail at fashionifying lyrics.

20. Denim Tarp Dress, Eckhaus Latta, $650

Kristin: "I'm a sexy reusable grocery bag for Halloween!"

Leo: I love wearing a tube of denim — it's so comfortable, goes with anything, and never makes anyone feel confused.

Kristin: She looks like she's about to be some giant's tasty picnic lunch.

Leo: I firmly disagree, but that's OK. This is America.

22. Weed Gardner Hooded Trench Coat, Gyoyuni Kimchoe, $1,525

Leo: I was not aware that "weed gardener" was a profession, nor was I aware that it required such a complicated uniform. I'd like to see the LinkedIn profile of the person who wears this contraption.

Kristin: The Phantom of the Eddie Bauer is here. Look, this is a good lesson for everyone: Don't throw away your cargo pocket-filled clothes from the mid '00s, or else it will come back as a zombie and eat you alive.

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