58 Things That Annoy The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of Canadians
That three-day stretch in March when it seems like spring has finally arrived.
1. When autocorrect refuses to accept that we spell it "colour," "favourite," etc.
2. Forgetting your Shoppers Optimum card at home.
3. When you watch a show that's supposed to take place in New York City and you can clearly see a Scotiabank in the background (looking at you, Suits).
4. When your favourite band announces they're touring in Canada but they only perform in Toronto.
5. Foreigners claiming we say "aboot."
6. Telling someone you're from Canada and they immediately bring up Rob Ford.
7. When a foreigner says they went to college and you can't figure out if they actually mean college or if they mean university.
8. Getting in line at Tim Horton's behind three construction workers and you know you won't be getting your order for another 45 minutes.
9. When the open tab on your Tim Hortons coffee rips off too much so the hole where your coffee comes out is way too big and you keep spilling on yourself.
10. When you ask for assorted Timbits and they don't give you any chocolate ones.
11. When someone gets their bagel before you at Tim Hortons even though they ordered after you.
12. When holiday commercials for Tim Hortons or Bell make you cry and you have to pretend to have allergies.
13. Having to drunkenly ask the bartender for the wifi password so that you don't reach your painfully low data limit on your phone.
14. When most of the original Canadian TV shows are terrible.
15. When most of the original Canadian TV shows get cancelled.
16. Watching the Super Bowl and the commercial breaks feature the same boring loop of Canadian ads every time instead of the awesome U.S. Super Bowl ads.
17. People who don't understand how bagged milk works.
18. Being unable to find the milk bag opener and you have to use scissors instead.
19. Living in Quebec and none of the national contests and giveaways include Quebec because of the province's contest laws.
20. Ordering poutine and it comes with shredded cheese instead of cheese curds.
21. Shoveling your driveway and it immediately snows again.
23. Buying a nice pair of pants only for the cuffs to get destroyed with salt stains.
24. Owning a cute pair of shoes but it's winter so you have to wear winter boots, carrying your shoes in your bag and changing into them when you get to work.
25. Buying winter boots and needing to factor in the cost of protective spray.
26. When your sock slides down your foot deep inside of your boot.
27. When you accidentally step in snow with just a sock on after taking off your boots and you have to spend the rest of the day with a damp sock.
28. When you put your boots on the heat vent but they don't dry in time for the next time you need to wear them.
29. Overheating in snow pants.
30. The anxiety of not being able to text back in the winter because you can't take your hands out of their mittens.
31. Losing a single mitten.
32. People who refer to toques as "beanies."
33. Getting to work in the morning when it's still dark, and leaving work after it gets dark.
34. That three-day stretch in March when it seems like spring has finally arrived, only for another snowstorm to hit.
35. The fact that we forget that it happens EVERY YEAR.
36. Trying to open that little tab on the side of the Kraft Dinner box.
37. When your Kraft Dinner is slightly too runny.
38. Being unable to find anything good to watch on Canadian Netflix (and your runny Kraft Dinner is getting cold).
39. When internet service providers claim that accessing U.S. Netflix is "theft" when it's not.
40. When a Canadian gets famous and they don't credit each individual Canadian for their success.
41. Discovering that your favourite beer is qualified as an "import" even though the brewery is, like, 10km away from your house.
42. When you order a rye and Coke in another country and they look at you weirdly.
43. American beer.
44. When the value of the Canadian dollar goes up, but Canadian prices don't go down.
45. People who say Canadians want to be American.
46. People who ask if we get summer here.
47. People who assume Canada doesn't have beaches.
48. When there are no free tables on the patio.
49. When it gets too chilly to sit out on the patio.
50. People who say "soda" instead of "pop."
51. Americans who call these Smarties (when they're totally called Rockets and Smarties are a completely different thing):
52. Picking up Swiss Chalet and getting all the way home only to discover that they forgot the Chalet sauce.
53. When some Canadians refer to lunch as "dinner" and you have no idea which meal they're actually talking about.
54. When you have to explain the concept of loonies and toonies to foreigners.
55. When we go to the States and we have to carefully look at each bill to see what it's worth because all of their bills are the same colour, like, are you trying to bankrupt me?
56. When you go on vacation in the Caribbean in January and then you get back and you realize that although you've tasted freedom, you still have another two-and-a-half months of winter misery to slog through.
57. When people call it Canadian Bacon when it's just peameal bacon, guys.
58. Justin Bieber.