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Australians Are Losing Their Minds Over The Water Level Of American Toilets

America will never truly be the home of the brave, until they pluck up the courage to lower their toilet water level.

I'll admit it: The United States is easy to poke fun at. Whether it's your endearingly gullible natures or your inferior versions of iconic Aussie snacks, there's nothing us outsiders enjoy more than marvelling at the wonder of American culture.

Stan

Don't take it personally, my US friends. Our jesting always comes from a place of love. 

But there's one thing I need to address here that comes from a genuine place of concern — and that is the unholy amount of water you keep stored in the toilet bowl.

Twitter: @cocoawagner

Now, I'm not the first Australian down the years to question this bizarre discovery — in fact, there are a multitude of issues when it comes to the everyday American toilet stall.

Sorry America will never be great until they close the door gaps in their bathroom stalls and lower the toilet water level

Twitter: @Brocklesnitch

Some Aussies have even suggested turning to the nation's political leaders to right this atrocious wrong.

If I were American, I'd vote for whichever candidate supported a law banning ridiculously high toilet water levels. KEEP IT LOW, PEOPLE.

Twitter: @davidmackau

While others have questioned whether the water level is intended as a means to cool your genitals? Like a foot spa for the penis?

why is american toilet water so high do you enjoy dipping ur dick in the water?

Twitter: @yourIovesong

There's also this theory, which suggests perhaps the aquarium-style loos are intended to shame you into confronting what you've just expelled from your rear.

American toilets have a higher water line than Aussie crappers. It's like they want you to be shamed by what you've done before it goes.

Twitter: @Reading_Hix

For those of you who have never come face-to-face with this dilemma IRL, let me present the evidence to you. This is your typical Australian toilet bowl:

Julia Willing / BuzzFeed

The water level is low, the bowl is narrow and deep — keeping your nether-regions far from the murky toilet water. 

However, when you travel north of the equator, to the illustrious ~Land of the Free~, you're faced with this situation:

Robin Edds / BuzzFeed

Have you ever seen a pelican open its mouth? Because it's basically the same vibe. 

The one thing it does help to illuminate is why, in American high school movies, the bullied party is always subjected to a soaking in these fountain-like toilet bowls.

@Naquicious @cstribs @ImpSenatePod @CMWAshby I think we need to talk about American toilet bowls and their excessive water levels. All those American high school coming-of-age films where nerds get their heads dunked in the toilet... it just wouldn’t be possible in an Aussie dunny.

Twitter: @turbo1975

Imagine trying this in an Australian toilet. I mean, even my damn dog can't get his tongue to reach the water level.

And, as this Australian pointed out, the American loos don't exactly cater to those who are...ahem...well-endowed.

@PandasAndGaming American toilets are such shit designs the only way to touch dick to water with an Australian toilet is to have a two foot dong

Twitter: @Sydtester

But maybe Australian men are just built differently.

  1. So, help me out here, Americans — what is it you enjoy about an over-filled toilet bowl?

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So, help me out here, Americans — what is it you enjoy about an over-filled toilet bowl?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Definitely the penis spa benefits.
  2.  
    vote votes
    Nice to look back at what you've created.
  3.  
    vote votes
    More water = less smell.
  4.  
    vote votes
    I never even realised it was an oddity.

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