Kids can be quite the little comics, whether they realize it or not! Since teachers spend so much time with students of all ages (and personalities), they are no stranger to the ins and outs of kid comedy.
We asked teachers of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest things their students have ever said or done in class. The responses were, of course, chaotic and hilarious. Here are some of the best:
1. "Working as a preschool teacher, my favorite thing I've heard from a student was at lunchtime when a kiddo said, 'Ms. Maggie, please pass the fucking peas.' I don’t know where he heard that word — nor did he ever say it again — but I broke down laughing at the table. Hey, he did say 'Please.'"
2. "We were reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and a child wanted to draw Willy Wonka. He innocently mislabeled the drawing ‘Willy Wanker.'"
3. "I showed the students a picture of me in Paris, and one of the students said, 'Your ass look like a freshly popped pimple.'"
4. "I am an EFL teacher. I taught a student the word 'loyal' and asked him what he was loyal to. He responded, 'I am loyal to chicken wings.'"
5. "From a kindergarten student: 'My daddy gave my friend's mommy a special hug, and now I'm gonna have a baby brother or sister!'"
6. "I am a literacy interventionist and special education teacher. I had recently become pregnant with my first child and was sharing our exciting news with my fifth-grade students. They were all sweetly excited and happy for my husband and me. Then, out of the blue, one of the girls said, 'OMG, Mrs. Jimenez, does this mean that you lost your Virginia?'"
7. "I had my hair cut short and a student asked if I was okay. Puzzled, I said I was. He then went on to say that women cut their hair if they’re having a mental breakdown, and if I needed someone to talk to, then I could talk to the class. Cheeky and concerned, all within one breath."
8. "I've been teaching elementary school music for 17 years, so I've seen a lot. The best was the day my classroom mysteriously smelled like artificial cinnamon — really strong cinnamon. I asked my students if they smelled it too, and they were like, 'Yeah, what is that?' One kid raised his hand and said, 'That's me. I ran out of deodorant today, so I used these instead.' He proceeded to pull up his shirt sleeves to show us that he had tied those tree-shaped car air fresheners around his upper arms, in lieu of deodorant. I was impressed by the resourcefulness, but also like, 'Why, bud?' Needless to say, I went to the store and bought him some deodorant during my lunch break."
9. "I teach middle school. One day, my coworker (a fiftysomething-year-old man) let two of our 'naughty' students share a Google doc for their work. Instead of actually doing the work, the students decided to use their work time to paste in pictures of erect horse penises. When the teacher looked at the doc, he saw no work, only a sea of horse cocks."
10. "When I was a toddler teacher, there were many funny moments, but the one that stands out to me involves potty training. The child was sitting on the toilet and noticed he had a penis. He said, 'I have a penis, but my dad has a big, big penis!' I tried not to laugh, and I couldn't look his father in the eye at pickup time."
11. "'I think I may be the student who drives you to drink.' He was not wrong."
12. "I had a third-grade student tell me one of his classmates said a really bad word. I asked what letter the bad word began with. They said the letter 'M.' I racked my brain trying to figure out what bad word started with 'M.' Finally, I asked if they could whisper it in my ear. The student very quietly said, 'Marriage!' Wow! I didn’t see that one coming, and it was hysterical!"
13. "I once had an administrator come into my room and ask me to monitor the boy's restroom in between classes because some boys were reportedly peeing on the ceiling. I didn't know whether to be upset or impressed."
14. "The student said, 'Miss, you look really happy and like you have it together on the outside, but I think deep down, you have real problems.'"
15. "I had a 7-year-old come in one morning and tell me their mom wet her pants laughing. Then followed up with, 'My mom says it’s because my little brother had a big head.'"
16. "A junior in high school once said, 'Virginia? I can spell Virginia! V-A-G-I-N-A!'"
17. "I had a student refer to the Last Supper as Jesus’s ‘last munch with the mandem.'"
18. "I had a student ask me what year I was born. I told her ’76. She quickly responded with, 'Which one? 18 or 19?'"
19. "I am an early childhood educator, and one of my colleagues told me her funniest moment was when the kids asked her to guess what game they were playing at recess. After several unsuccessful guesses, they told her they were playing 'Jungle Queen and Electrician,' as if it was as obvious as hide-and-seek. I had a similar moment last week when I failed to guess 'Paw Patrol Velociraptor Dalmatian Chase Game.'"
20. "I taught middle school health. I remember talking to my sixth-graders about almond milk for some reason. Then one of them said out loud, 'I didn't know almonds had titties!' The way he said it and his confused face were too funny."
21. "I teach teenagers. I was talking about the pope, and at that point, one of the boys had tuned out and did not hear what I said next. I said, 'The pope is celibate, which means he can't get married or have sex, even with himself.' The boy now raised his hand, not having heard what I just said. When I gave him the word, he said, 'So, what does the pope do all day?' The entire classroom started laughing, including me (I was crying!). That poor kid looked so confused and his face turned all red, so I explained why we laughed. He just wanted to know what the pope does!"
22. "When I was 19, I took a semester off of college to teach ESL in a tiny village in Honduras. My grasp of Spanish was just enough to get by. One day, one of my sixth-grade students asked me in front of the class: 'Miss Amy, do you ever get embarazada?' Falling right into the hands of her joke, I said, 'Well, sure, honey. Everybody does sometimes.' Turns out 'embarazada' means 'pregnant,' not 'embarrassed.' Oh, how they screamed with laughter (and so did I once they clued me in)."
23. "I was teaching high school math at the time, and this was an Algebra 1 or Algebra 2 class. After going step-by-step through an example solving the equation, I asked if anyone had any questions about the example. One student raised his hand and said he didn't understand. I replied, 'OK, which part do you not understand?' and offered him the dry-erase marker to point out which part was giving him confusion. He proceeded to walk up to the board and circle the entire problem. We all had a good laugh at that one."
24. We use GoGuardian on school computers for students to ask us questions during class. One day, I randomly got a message from one of my middle schoolers saying, 'Sometimes I like to put peanut butter in my shoes and walk around in them.' I looked up at the student, and he was staring straight ahead with a completely serious expression, not even acknowledging the message."
25. "One of my middle school students wrote 'DaBaby' as the answer to every question on a quiz. He took a 0, but I have to give him credit for committing to the joke!"
26. "I used to teach preschool. During lunch, we were singing some songs and we started singing 'Be Banana.' The song is kind of a chant where you 'be,' 'peel, and 'eat' the banana, then you 'go bananas.' The kids started substituting in other things for 'banana,' like 'potato,' 'corn,' and 'tomato.' Then one of the kids decided they should sing 'Be Obama,' so they did. I'm not sure if they understood what they were singing, but it definitely fit into the tune nicely!"
27. "It was my first year teaching special education in high school. I had a student ask me, very seriously, what would happen if we tied a person to a bear. I had to turn my face to the whiteboard so the class wouldn't see me laughing! I had to try to work it into the lesson, like, 'Who thinks the bear would be frightened?' It's still the best question I've ever had from a student, nearly 10 years later!"
28. "I teach at a small, private school with about 25 kids in grades K–8. All the students were waiting in the gym before going to class one morning. One of the kindergartners grabbed my hand and started leading me around the gym, pointing to all my preteen students and muttering something under his breath to the effect of, '...did not become prevalent until 1974.' I asked him what he was trying to tell me, and he said, 'I'm reciting the history of skinny jeans!'"
29. Finally: "I taught at a private Christian daycare. We had an older lady who would come in once a week and do storytime with my prekindergarten class. She was talking about how Jesus raised someone from the dead when a little boy shouted, 'Like a zombie?!' She did not think it was as funny as I did."
Kids say (and do) the darndest things! Do you work with kids or have kids of your own? Have they ever said or done something that made you instantly crack up? Tell us about it in the comments!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.