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    People Are Coming Clean And Revealing The Most Absurd Reasons They've Ever Ended A Relationship, And Sheeeesh, It's Brutal Out Here

    "After the fart heard 'round the world, I went full ghost."

    We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the pettiest reasons they've ever dumped someone. We received some trulyyy wild responses, so buckle up! Let's get into it:

    1. "I ended it because he sharted right after we ate on a date. He had to sit on a towel in the car because it went through his underwear and cream-colored cargo shorts. I got the ick so, so bad! I was young and dumb...sorry dude!"


    2. "He couldn’t spell 'cough.' He spelled it 'couf' and even confidently reassured himself that he spelled it correctly. I couldn’t do it. No regrets."


    surprised andy samberg

    3. "He was snacking on Cheetos while watching a movie at my place. Then, I saw him wipe his fingers on my blanket. He wiped his cheese fingers on my blanket! I asked him if he would like me to get him a napkin, and when he said no, I just asked him to leave and take his cheese fingers with him."


    4. "I was seeing a guy, and it was going very well. On the third date, he made me read allllll of his school reports from preschool to high school. And, if I tried to skip one, he read it for me. That was it."


    cringing nicole byer

    5. "A guy I had been seeing casually for several years posted a spoiler for a TV show I was watching, and I told him to never speak to me again. He kept trying for a while, but I completely cut him off."


    6. "We were making out in his bed. I look over to the left, and under his desk was a plate with a moldy piece of pizza on it. I pointed it out, and he said, 'I know. I'm too lazy to throw it away.' Done."


    charlie day cringing

    7. "I dumped a guy once because he invited me over to his family’s house for dinner, and his mom prepared one specific dish for everyone, and then another dish for him because he didn’t like what she prepared. I couldn’t tell if I was more upset with him or his mom for catering to a 25-year-old's demands, so I bounced."


    8. "We had been dating for about a month. During a make-out session in her dorm room my third year of college, she let a real stinky fart rip. It was definitely accidental, and we ended up spending the night together, but that was the end of that. It’s not my proudest moment, but after the fart heard 'round the world, I went full ghost."


    ed helms heavy breathing with anxiety

    9. "I broke up with a guy because he would say 'sowwy' in a baby voice. He texted like that, too. I couldn’t take it after a month."


    10. "I once ended things with a guy because we went out, and I saw his butt crack when he bent over to grab his wallet he had dropped. My friends still bring this story up and make fun of me."


    surprised jennifer lopez covering her mouth in shock

    11. "I went out with a guy a few times, and he was super smart, super nice, and super know, 'boyfriend material.' After our third date, he came over to watch a movie, and we were holding hands, only for me to realize his hands were not only three times smaller than they should be, but they were also SO soft. I'm a big girl, and just couldn't imagine this 6'6" dude touching me with his toddler hands. I immediately asked him to leave and never called again."


    12. "He called bananas 'nanners.' It all came to a head at an art fair that had a frozen banana booth. I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about it."


    Cathering o'hara with her head on her hand while nervously laughing

    13. "I kicked my ex-husband out when he didn't know where the frying pan went."


    14. "He couldn't eat or drink anything without taking pictures of it first to post on Instagram. Whether we were eating in or going out, pics needed to happen first. Order a rum and Coke? Gotta document it. Having a yogurt for breakfast? Pics or it didn't happen. Filled up a water bottle? The world needed to see it in all of its glory before taking a sip. The final straw was when we ordered pizza from the same place we always did, with the same toppings we always got (and we did this every weekend for the four months we were together), and he had a full-on tantrum because I started eating a piece before he could get a photo. He was a super nice guy otherwise — intelligent and good looking, too — but I couldn't handle the constant need to post EVERYTHING."


    rachel bloom leaning on the arm of her chair dejectedly

    15. "My name is Cassie. His last name is Massey. Obviously, the idea of being Cassie Massey for the rest of my life was a huge concern for me, though we met at summer camp and were only 13."


    16. "I had recently heard an amazing breakup song and wanted to really, really relate to it. Sorry, boo!"


    gasping kristen bell

    17. "When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend. He was awesome, so sweet, super nice, and he DROVE (which was a big deal to 15-year-old me). Well, he and all of his friends went out for a Halloween party dressed as Harry Potter characters, and he went as Ginny. I broke up with him because I said it was embarrassing. Plot twist: I am now a Harry Potter super-fan. I have regretted dumping him since the minute I did it. I would do anything to have him back, but unfortunately, I think that ship has sailed."


    18. "I once had a live-in relationship and was the man's first girlfriend. Because of this, he didn't really have a lot of common sense with women. One day, he went to get us some food, and when he came back, he had his food but had 'forgotten' to get anything for me. It was the small, inconsiderate things like that that irritated me, so I broke things off."


    upset hannah simone

    19. "I once talked to this man who was a chef. Our relationship was sort of 'over the phone,' as we had met online. When it came time for our first in-person date, he told me that he had no intention on taking me to a nice restaurant in case we weren't physically attracted to each other because he didn't want to waste any money. Now, I'm all good with going to less expensive places. Hell, I'm even cool if you whip out a coupon! But when you take someone out on a first date, it's probably not a good idea to tell them that you're going to be cheap because you don't know how the date will go and don't want to impress someone for no reason."

    "The first date didn't happen. The conversation didn't continue either, despite him trying to contact me. I'm not dating someone who tells me up front that they don't care if they make a good impression."


    20. "He was acting distant because he had been busy, and suddenly, he wanted to bring by my Tupperware and 'talk.' I didn’t let him because I heard it as 'bring my stuff and end things,' so I blocked him from everything. I messed up because we should have talked. He’s a good one. I am now working on my own issues and insecurities."


    woman covering her face

    21. "I'll own up to this one. Not technically a breakup, but in my early 20s, I spent some wonderful, casual times with a woman. When the subject of turning what we had into a relationship came up, I backed out because she was vegan and I wasn't. We had so much in common, yet for some reason, I thought that would be a deal breaker, even though she didn't mind me eating meat. I still cringe when I think how I acted in my 20s. Thankfully, I grew up and met the love of my life in my 30s."


    22. "I broke up with an ex because he said Ariana Grande didn’t have range."


    ariana grande with her hands over her heart dramatically

    23. "I met a guy online, and he seemed great. We met in person, and oh my god, he smelled. It was like a mixture of bad B.O. and rancid water. He wore cologne, but the stink permeated right through it. I know that sometimes it can't be helped, but I couldn't get past a second date. I always felt bad, but I knew realistically that it would've been a big issue for me."


    24. "He said animals don't have souls. I had to end it."


    ilana glazer with her jaw dropped in shock

    25. "I was in a private Christian college and broke up with a great guy because I thought it's what God wanted me to do. I literally cried thinking it was what God wanted from me. Yeah, 20-year-old hormones. I regretted it the next school year when I saw him with the girl he would eventually marry. I've been married for 23 years now, but that one is still a head scratcher for me."


    26. "I broke up with a guy once because he borrowed a CD, forgot where he put it, and was 'too lazy to look for it.'"


    woman slapping neil patrick harris in the face

    27. "I went on a vacation, and I felt amazing. I didn't have any pressure from work weighing on me, and I didn't have to worry about relationship planning. So I decided that my boyfriend and I should take a break from dating, but get back together at a later date. I asked my friend to tell him for me, which was a huge mistake because she said it in a very basic way, which made it seem like I didn't care. He got mad and rage-texted me, so we argued. The next day, I realized how stupid I was and tried to get back together with him. He rejected me, so yeah..."


    28. "I was dating this guy and spent the night at his house for the first time. The next morning, his dog jumped into bed with us, which was fine, but then the dog started licking his face. He literally laid there for like five minutes while his dog slobbered all over him, including his mouth and lips. He then immediately rolled over and tried to kiss me! I made up an excuse to leave and ghosted him after that. Disgusting."


    disgusted dan levy cringing

    29. "He kept calling me while I was napping. Yes, I'm aware of how petty this sounds. I was at school in Canada, and he was at school in the US. Any time we were talking online or on the phone and I ended the conversation saying I was going to nap after class, he'd call me exactly when I said I was going to be napping. Every. Freaking. Time. 'Hey babe, hows your nap going?' It's awful now that you've called me 10 minutes in and woke me up! This was in the era before cell phones, so I couldn't just leave him on silent."


    30. "He licked his plate, even in public. He would seriously pick up his plate and lick it clean. Then, he would set it down, lick his finger, and scrape up any bits that he missed. When I saw him lick a KFC styrofoam bowl so clean it looked new, then put the licked lid on top as if he were proud of himself, I was done."


    shocked oprah winfrey

    31. "I dumped a guy because he opened his eyes really wide every time he took a bite of his sandwich."


    32. "We had been dating for about three months, and the way she texted always bugged me. She'd consistently make spelling errors, or the grammar wouldn't make any sense. I can understand some errors because that happens to everyone sometimes, but with her it was CONSTANT. Every sentence was a struggle to read. Example: 'u te mst butifil gurl evr.' Yes, that's an actual message I received one day. Finally, I woke up one day to a message that was so horribly written, I snapped and broke it off. I used to feel bad about it, but she still tries contacting me sometimes (and it's been four years since I broke up with her), and I get reminded all over again why I left in the first place."


    cringing rashida jones

    33. "I broke up with a guy once solely because he didn’t like the movie Elf."


    34. "He wouldn't stop saying, 'Guess what? Chicken butt!'"


    cringing phoebe waller brirdge

    35. "We went to lunch, and he ordered a grilled cheese sandwich (requested specifically that it be cut DIAGONALLY), fries, and milk. He then told me he never ate vegetables and preferred his food fried. That was it for me."


    36. "He’d FaceTime me and always play loud music in the background. If he really liked the song, he would tell me to listen to it, and then we’d just stare at each other while he listened to the song. FaceTime audio is not acceptable for music."


    cringing jason bateman

    37. "I dumped a guy I dated for three months because he told me Pumbaa in The Lion King was a rhino. There is literally a line in the move that says he is a warthog!"


    38. "Went on a few dates with a guy who was obsessed with himself and would show me a different selfie of him every 30 minutes. All of his Facebook profile pictures were mirror selfies. I could never take him seriously!"


    camila mendes looking startled and annoyed

    39. "He ate spaghetti with his fingers. Like, just picked it up out of the bowl. It was disgusting."


    40. "One guy had nails that were always dirty and too long. I have a weird thing with long nails on guys. I find it disgusting."


    sofia vergara gasping in shock

    41. Finally: "A boyfriend of mine lived in the city, and I was in the suburbs. I hated going to his place because parking sucked. One night, I broke down in tears trying to find a spot, called him, and broke up with him so I could just drive home. He’s now an extremely successful mechanical engineer and inventor of a very popular device. Probably worth millions. I still hate city parking."


    Oooooof. Have you ever dumped someone for a petty reason? Or, has someone ever dumped you for an absurd reason?? Tell us about it in the comments below!

    Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.