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1. A "wine wand" to remove headache-inducing sulfates and histamines from your vino in as little as three minutes, so you can cut finally cut loose during your solo wine-and-cheese Friday nights without paying for it Saturday morning.
2. A shampoo scalp massager you can use in the shower to massage and exfoliate your scalp, helping you achieve Peak Weekend Decadence without physically going to a salon.
3. A pour-over coffee maker, because your Saturday self deserves to have a cup of coffee so perfect that it cancels out all the ones you blindly chugged during last week's commutes.
4. And a set of adorable hanging cat spoons for said coffee, since you waited so long for the weekend that you deserve to have the cutest cup RIGHT MEOW.
5. A Bluetooth shower speaker with a hook that attaches right to your curtains or a suction cup to stick it on your tiles, so you can invite Lizzo to your post-work week soak the way the universe intended.
6. Plus a comfy bath pillow that will suction straight to your tub, because you plan on being emotionally suctioned to the tub for however long it takes for Netflix to ask you if you're still watching.
7. A roll-on migraine stick made with peppermint, spearmint, and lavender oils to help you soothe away that vague headache you were nursing through the whole work week in the comfort of your own jammies.
8. A glorious jar of pure, unadulterated Cadbury chocolate spread you can slather all of your weekend waffles and pancakes (if you're not too busy eating it out of the jar with a shovel).
9. A set of magnetic bookmarks that will let you save your place while keeping your pages pristine as you tackle that perilously high pile of weekend reads you keep amassing.
10. A tiny milk frother to make everything you drink taste like it was lovingly handcrafted by at your local coffee shop, even though the odds of you putting on pants between Friday night and Monday morning are zero to none.
11. A mini waffle maker that will churn out adorably-sized, perfectly cooked-through waffles, so you can post your shameless #BrunchGoals Instagram flatlay from the comfort of your own couch.
12. A set of clear acne-absorbing cover patches that use hydrocolloid, tea tree, and calendula oil to target all those trouble areas that cropped up during your stressful work week, suctioning the gunk right out of them while you lay in bed casually ignoring half your texts.
13. A 40-pack of velvet scrunchies so you can skip your usual weekday hair routine and spend the weekend at home rocking gloriously colorful messy buns.
14. A collapsible microwave popcorn maker that doubles as a serving bowl, so you can have buttery sustenance fall into a Netflix hole so deep it probably doesn't have a bottom.
15. A set of satin pillowcases so you can sleep in feeling like you're staying at a B&B. Plus, fabrics like satin create less friction for your hair, so you'll wake up with that perfectly mussed Saturday semi-bedhead all weekend long.
16. A nail and cuticle oil that uses blend of jojoba oil, sweet almond oil and vitamin E to strengthen your nails, so you can spend some of your downtime bringing your nails back to life. Unlike you and your sleepy snooze-hitting self, they'll be raring to go on Monday morning.
17. A journal with 300 writing prompts ranging from things like "Write about a moment when you felt proud of yourself" to "Describe your ultimate sandwich," because there's no better time than a cozy weekend at home for some self-reflection.
18. A set of fairy lights you can use to add some whimsy to your windows and/or the blanket fort you're assembling and planning to hide under with a pile of books until the need for pizza rolls drags you out of it.
19. A heating pad so cozy, someone is probably going to have to separate you from it with a crowbar come Monday morning.
20. A rechargeable electric lighter for whichever of your eight bajillion candles in the collection shoved under your bed feels most representative of your Weekend Mood (TM).
21. A Bluetooth-enabled record player so you can laze the day away listening to Harry Styles on vinyl, plucking all the various fruits he sings about out of a bowl and living your best life.
22. A candle to set said "Weekend Mood," like Homesick's Sunrise Coffee and Evening Unwind candles, both of which will guide you on your "not leaving my bedroom for anything less than a fire in the building" journey. They smell of Black Espresso + Lemon Peel and Valencia Orange + Green Tea, y'all.
23. A 16-pack of Korean face masks made with vitamin E and collagen to give your cheeks the kind of post-mask glo up that will make all your coworkers go, "OMG, what were YOU up to this weekend?" (Nothing. That is your secret. Literally nothing at all.)
24. An attachable wine aerator that will make your Friday night glass of two-buck Chuck taste like it was hand-poured by a sommelier in the south of France who knows the rat from Ratatouille personally.
25. A lightweight breakfast tray you can prop next to you on your bed so you can graze on your eggs + avo toast while your laptop streams old episodes of The Office safely in your lap.
26. A plush robe so cozy that you'll probably fall asleep in it after your shower and wake up so content that you'll feel like the human equivalent of a sunbeam.
27. A handy three-tier cooling rack, for when you've watched so much Great British Bake-Off that it inevitably leads to a reckless cookie baking spree.
28. A rapid egg cooker so you can have your Sunday morning eggs any which way you want them, whether you want a good old-fashioned hard boil or like 'em a little runnier.
29. A glare-free Kindle Paperwhite that also happens to be waterproof, so you can spend the whole weekend reading in the bathtub without fear of capsizing To All The Boys I've Loved Before.
30. A precious turtle mug, because look into his eyes. Look deeply into them. He knows you're going to ignore every Facebook Event invite in your feed this weekend, and he doesn't judge you. He's ignoring his, too.
31. A subscription to Book of the Month, a service that will deliver a specially curated book to your door so you'll never have to experience the peril of knowing in your bones that it's time to take a three hour-long Saturday night bath but not having the right reading material for it.
32. A set of cat-themed tarot cards to ease your mind about the future when the infamous Sunday Scaries hit. Just because next week is a great unknown doesn't mean you can't find a way to stay paw-sitive!
33. A pair of wireless noise-cancelling headphones so you can go full "me time" listening to your weekend playlist without also having to listen to your neighbors shout sports-y things at the television through the wall.
34. A compact bread maker, because you've spent approximately half your life dreaming about being the kind of person who spreads strawberry jam on your warm homemade bread on a Sunday morning and it's high time to make that cozy dream your reality.
You on Friday night knowing all these glorious things await your weekend at home:
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