1. A trio of ornaments including Dracula, a werewolf, and Frankenstein just begging for front-and-center positioning on their black Christmas tree.
I, a total weirdo, just got these for my own black Christmas tree! Check out my TikTok featuring them.
Promising review: "The colors, the shine, the detail, the size (not super small)...perfect!! I want more!!" —Linda
Get them from Amazon for $25.57.
Shipping info: Will arrive by Christmas (see Amazon's full shipping information here).
2. Or a Krampus Christmas ornament complete with a basket full of naughty kids. Who needs Elf of the Shelf when you can hang this at eye level on the tree? Gotta love an excuse to watch the holiday film by the same name.
Promising review: "When I realized that my kids were getting a little too entitled when it came to gift expectations, I knew some old school motivation would help. Adding Krampus to our tree decorations serves as a constant, watchful reminder that the holidays are not a 'win-win' for kids — there's an expectation and requirement to be humble and kind in exchange for the rewards they expect...and violent, rage-filled punishment in a copper pot or burlap sack if they don't meet those requirements.
Sounds like a healthy addition to any child's formative years to me, and I'm happy with my purchase!" —Bradums
Get it from Amazon for $14.95. Also check out the matching tree topper.
Shipping info: Available on Amazon Prime with 2-day shipping, non-Prime shipping options will still arrive by Christmas (see Amazon's full shipping information here).
3. A carbonated bubble clay mask for a funny effect that'll also help 'em clear out their pores. Maybe buy some for yourself too and schedule a Facetime?
4. A worst-case scenario cookbook for the person who has a bug-out bag and has been taking notes from all those soap-operatic seasons of The Walking Dead.
5. And some SKIN1004 Zombie Pack Face Masks will make them (briefly) look like their fave kind of horror movie monster while it goes to work tightening pores and minimizing the appearance of wrinkles.
Promising review: "This really works. I am always skeptical of products I buy online because you can't be sure who is posting reviews but I will say that this mask does what it says it will do. I will definitely purchase again." —JEaston
Get a box of eight masks from Amazon for $24.
Shipping info: Available on Amazon Prime with 2-day shipping, non-Prime shipping options will still arrive by Christmas (see Amazon's full shipping information here).
6. A screaming goat that'll make them say "it me" when it shrieks on their behalf.
7. A Star Wars Light Saber chopsticks set for the pal who's already accrued every single Baby Yoda thing.
Promising review: "I purchased these for a friend's birthday present (he is a sushi waiter) and these are flippin' AMAZING. I ordered two sets by mistake, but I am totally keeping the second pair for another gift (or for myself!). These are sure to be great conversation pieces and attention-getters. Way to go!" —T. Redwood
Get two pairs from Amazon for $14.97.
8. The Book of Unusual Knowledge in case they're always dropping the most obscure facts on you. Give 'em this and you won't have to listen to the same facts over and over!
9. A not-so-basic T-shirt made of natural fibers like CRAB SHELLS (yes, really) to help reduce odor and stay fresh between washes. Weird + practical FTW.
10. A photo pillow custom made with their fave meme that you apparently were the 483494745757th person to send to them on IG. As a horror girlie who salivates over 1) Skeet Ulrich in Scream and 2) Flamin' Hot Cheetos, I made this pillow on my own and it's my favorite thing in my apartment.
I indeed found this meme on IG and knew it had to be mine in one physical form or another. So I created a Shutterfly pillow with it! It sits on my couch and often freaks out people I'm video chatting with because it looks like he's always staring at you. It also makes me want some Flamin' Hot Cheetos!
Get it from Shutterfly for $22.99+ (available in various sizes and photo configurations).
Shipping info: Order by Dec. 15 for economy shipping in time for Christmas. Expedited shipping options are also available.
11. A coffee mug that transforms from solid black to utter perfection that your pal who dragged you on a New Orleans cemetery tour to see Nic Cage's pyramid tomb will certainly treasure. (I'm describing myself.)
12. Or a "coffee pot" mug for the person who, genuinely, loves the stuff so much that you hope to all that is holy that they never discover espresso.
13. A pound of cereal marshmallows so they don't have to pick out all the marshmallows out of your shared boxes of Lucky Charms. Sigh.
14. A scenic wall calendar any animal lover with an appreciation for all facets of nature will adore.
15. Bacon bandages because they swear that bacon makes anything taste better. Let's see how it fares for scrapes and cuts.
16. A set of Globbles that'll be a nice get-away-from-the-computer exercise in getting out a bit of stress and frustration...especially if they're always ALWAYS balling up every form of paper to try and play basketball with the waste basket. This'll be a similar, fruitful exercise.
They're squishy and can stick to all kinds of surfaces *without* leaving behind a mess. Check out a TikTok of the Globbles in action.
Promising review: "Bought a six-pack for my neurodivergent family. We are all either ADHD or autistic. I struggle with compulsive hair pulling and bought these to help keep my hands busy. They are the perfect size, more satisfying than a stress ball, clean easily, fun to hurl at the wall or ceiling, and so far have lasted very well. I did test the durability of one and did break one when I pulled it as hard as I could —the inside looks something like shaving cream and didn’t smell or anything. But if you have a kid who is an aggressive chewer, perhaps keep an eye on them." —Amazon Customer
Get a set of six from Amazon for $10.69.
17. A boba tumbler they can drink boba from. Or just make intense eye contact with from across the room when they're feeling thirsty.
18. And a six-pack of boba earrings that'll just look the CUTEST.
19. A *mythical* meats jerky set to help settle the debate about just how tough a werewolf or chupacabra meat is. Oh, and they're keto-friendly!
20. A desktop Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy they can dance along to because it's a little weird just HOW good they are at that dance.
21. A Chewbacca seatbelt cover so The Force (rather than rubs and seatbelt burns) will always be with them.
22. A cat-carrying backpack in case they've been trying to train their cat on a leash but it hasn't quite taken yet. Tbh, an astronaut-looking cat is an even more delightful view for passersby!
23. A mixed bag of edible bugs because you've heard them claim they'd be game for trying some bugs as a protein source. First up, the silk worm!
24. Cleansing goo for the detail-oriented slime fan that'll turn out to be extremely practical!
25. A couple of urinal shot glasses they'll need, OK? Even if they have a kitchen cabinet shelf full of shot glasses. These'll make the rest a total wash.
26. A Krispy Kreme x Jelly Belly set for the person who more or less runs on sugar. Or whose sleepwalking alter ego loooooooves candy. Whatever, these'll be a solid choice for lots of folks.
27. A ramen hoodie (in chicken or beef flavor!) that'll turn into their WFH uniform. They're gonna need those matching pants too.
28. A shrimp neck pillow to cradle them — even if they're allergic to the real deal.
29. A pair of reading glasses can let them look at stuff while horizontal so whoever's in the living room can never truly tell if they're asleep or not. No changing the channel from the rodeo rerun from eight years ago on the TV with the loud buzzing at 11:03 p.m. on a Tuesday. Nope. Do not even walk toward the remote. (OK these are also practical.)
30. A gnome riding a corgi because they're all full up on cute corgi coffee mugs and enamel pins.
31. Dr. Pimple Popper's game for the person who can't get enough of her addictive videos. ::raises hand::
32. A Watch Ya' Mouth game will provide a hilarious twist to family game night for the person who's game for everything. Or just brags about how good they are at talking to the dentist. Enough with the bragging!
33. Or a Butts in Space card game for some gaming with considerably less drool. At least I think so?!
34. An incredibly helpful guide to farts that'll help them get the most important answers to life's questions.
35. A motion-activated toilet light that I guarantee SOMEONE on your gift list will love.
36. A copy of A Bathroom Book for People Not Pooping or Peeing but Using the Bathroom as an Escape as a resource for people using the toilet as a social escape. Sometimes you just need some time to yourself. And this book acknowledges and honors that.
37. A coin bank so they can finally put their money where *A* mouth is.
38. A pair of beetle shell earrings for the person who's pretty into taxidermy *and* statement earrings.
39. A Moth Man shirt will finally give them an actual prompt to start talking about cryptid stuff instead of poking around for a friendly hole in the conversation. (I KNOW, because I'm that person.)
40. A "Satan's Blood" hot sauce folks who'd THRIVE on the show Hot Ones (or at least say so) will adore.
41. A tortilla blanket that'll make them feel cozy on the outside like a burrito makes them feel cozy on the inside.
42. An estate-planning journal in case they have a morbid fascination with death. (Also, someone feel free to buy me this.)
43. And a coffee table book about cemeteries so they can perhaps find some inspiration IRL for their future resting place. Or just pay their respects. Cemeteries *and* graveyards are great! Do not dare confuse the two in my presence.
44. A toilet planter watering spike to tend to their houseplants and add some real culture to their space.
45. And some very nosey plant pots that'll help liven up their houseplant collection.
46. Some snow plows for Crocs if they insist upon wearing the footwear year-round. They can put on these before they walk out to the mailbox. And, they're just hilarious.
ICT3DSolutions is an Etsy shop specializing in this product.
Promising review: "These things are AWESOME!!!!! Got them and immediately threw them on my Crocs, and went out and pushed some snow around!! A little chilly on the feet, but well worth the money!! Absolute blast!! Would buy again in a heartbeat!! Thank you, again!" —Marisa VanScoik
Get them from ICT3DSolutions on Etsy for $10 (available in nine colors).
Shipping info: Costs $6.36 to ship. Will arrive by Christmas.
47. FOODHEIM: A Culinary Adventure — a cookbook by Eric Wareheim that your pal who's obsessed with Tim & Eric (ME) and is also very into food would dig. GIft 'em this and then ask them to fix you some Grandma food.
48. A spine candle in case regular ole tapers won't suffice for their creepy abode and you don't want to dig too much to find out specifics about their horror faves.
Promising review: "Super cool!! The candle makes me feel like being in the classroom of Professor Lupin learning how to cast a Patronus! Very cute decor!!" —Yvette
Get it from Amazon for $19.99 (also available in white).
Shipping info: Available on Amazon Prime with 2-day shipping, non-Prime shipping options will still arrive by Christmas (see Amazon's full shipping information here).