Stephen LaConte: Okay, well, first of all, I think your advice to him to pump the brakes here and revisit this conversation in a few months is very wise advice. I think you should give yourself that advice to to put a pin in this conversation and wait on it for some months. You know, his mother's death was only a few days ago. You note that it was a completely unexpected loss. He's probably not in a super clear-headed state of mind right now. I mean, who would be? I know I would not be for that reason.
I don't think you should take everything he's saying right now at face value. He's clearly having big feelings about family. It sounds like those big feelings are very much a product of his grief. So instead of trying to argue with that grief, I think you should just let him process it and give him the space to actually unpack what he's feeling, which is almost certain to evolve over time as his grief evolves. I can totally understand, just to be clear, why it would be jarring, alarming, scary to see your husband do such a 180 on something as major as having children.
And I definitely want to echo that your choice to not have children is 100% valid and you should stick to it. I don't one minute blame you for being concerned about your husband's sudden change of heart, but I think you have plenty of evidence to suggest that this change of heart may be very fleeting. You have several years of history with this man where he has consistently said he did not want children. His sudden desire for children was brought on by an abject crisis, a crisis that you're still very much in the middle of. And I wouldn't be surprised if, as the trauma of this loss starts to subside, so do his feelings that he needs to have kids. So wait a few months and then see where he's at.
If it turns out that his desire for children is still there and he feels strongly that it isn't going away, I think you can only cross that bridge when you get to it. Would you be at an impasse? Probably. Would it end your marriage? I don't know. Possibly. But you're not there yet. I don't think you're even close to there yet. So don't put yourself there. Don't define your brand new marriage by its worst possible outcome. Instead, I think you should focus on helping your husband process his grief and heal from the loss of his mother. That's the right thing to do. And in my best guess, it's also probably going to make this problem go away entirely in time.