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1. A bottle of Drop It, a natural sulfate and tannin remover that you can ~drop~ in your Ikea wine glass to halt hangovers in just 20 seconds. Resume your nightly Monstober DCOM tradition with some red in hand, knowing you won't wake up to a monster headache.
2. A set of ~car wash wipes~ if dragging your you-know-what to the actual car wash feels like....too much work. The amount of receipts you'll have to throw out to avoid embarrassment! The water bottles! What about all the stuff you have in your trunk! Let's not talk about it anymore, just buy some damn wipes.
3. A scratch-free, odor-resistant Scrub Daddy sponge that adapts depending on water temp: run it under cold water for cleaning crud-ridden pans that once housed last weeks lasagna, *or* under warmer water so it can soften for lighter cleaning tasks.
4. A tiny milk frother that makes it easy to whip up your very own, typically very expensive PSL at home — and quickly. This stainless-steel whisk truly has so many darn uses: Let your mouth water at the thought of cappuccinos, lattes, hot chocolate, matcha, milkshakes, and more.
5. A six-port outlet that swivels because the only outlet in your entire bedroom is covered by a heavy dresser. Say so long, farewell to wiggling furniture out in order to make room for bulky plugs: this lets you charge six devices at the same darn time.
6. A four-sided brush cleaner for when when it's time to finally break out the suede booties. This easily cleans away scuff marks and salt stains with little to no effort required, making it the perfect thing to have on hand for after you've gone apple picking. On a farm. Where there is quite a lot of dirt. The kind that will leave marks on your shoes.
7. Blume Whirl Moisturizer smells like heaven (*inhales coffee, coconut, and vanilla cookie scent*) and works like a miracle, to boot. Listen up: Acne-prone skin still needs moisture! And this truly delivers on its promise of dewy, plump, and spot-free complexions.
8. A Dash mini waffle maker so adorably spooky, it *may* inspire you to replace that morning cereal bar with an actual sit-down breakfast. Anything safely edible in the shape of a skull during Halloween season = very on-brand for me.
9. A vacuum hose attachment which multiple reviewers (multiple!) swear pulled out whole socks from their lint traps. Clogged vents = longer drying times = higher utility bills = less money in your bank account to put toward, say, more Seamless takeout.
10. A set of bed bands that work like suspenders to keep your fitted sheet in place...no matter how much tossing and turning you get up to during the night. I sincerely hope that Bella Swan owned these.
11. A no-scrub Wet & Forget cleaner to make "cleaning" as easy as one, two, spritz. This no-rinse product should be used weekly to keep your shower free of mildew, which basically means it will take all of two seconds to feel like you've deep-cleaned the place in which you bathe.
12. Essence Lash Princess Mascara guarantees the most coveted compliment of all time: "Are those your real lashes?" This jet black lengthening formula won't smudge by lunchtime, plus costs less than $5 which... I'll have about eight tubes, please.
13. A magic carpet spot cleaner over 29,000 devoted reviewer *swear* by for removing stubborn stains. Ever spilled whole glasses of red wine on a white carpet? Opened an old marker and ka-blam, there is now black ink on your couch? This cleaner knows said worries and gets rid of them in a jiffy.
14. A set of silicone stretch lids because the idea of matching plastic lids with their appropriate container genuinely keeps me up at night. Save yourself the stress and use these to cover bowls, mason jars, etcetera.
15. Living Proof Perfect Hair Day Dry Shampoo will have everyone thinking that you actually shampooed and conditioned last night. HA! If only they knew it's been 84 years since your last proper scrub.
16. A Terro apple trap because you left a single banana out for too long on your countertop and bam! Infestation. Constant swatting. Tears and aggravation. Thankfully, this gets rids of fruit flies in a jiffy, one trap lasts for up to 45 days, and best of all? It looks like an adorable piece of decor.
17. Brow Flick is a brush-tip detailing pen that makes filling in sparse brows a summer breeze. The smudge-proof formula is sheer but buildable, here to help you create a natural (or dramatic) look depending on your preference.
18. A Rubbermaid power scrubber that quickly ~scrubs~ away the stubborn soap scum you've been disgusted by for ages, but quietly ignored until now. This will have every corner of your bathroom looking as if went through a truly deep clean (even if the effort you put in was minimal).
19. An over-the-drain protector for anyone with a pop-up drain that is a: the bane of their existence and b: constantly getting clogged. Place this on top of your drain to trap gunk *before* it becomes a built-up abyss of gross scum that will take ages of time (and a professional plumber) to clear out.
20. Magnetic lashes for folks who don't have the steady hand required for applying globs of glue to their lash line. It's an impossible feat made unnecessary thanks to *this* scientific set, which comes with a magnetic eyeliner that the included falsies will stick to.
21. A water-based tile pen that'll transform the chore of grout cleaning into a fun activity reminiscent of filling in the pages of an adult coloring book. Consider mold banished after a few swipes of this nontoxic formula, which releases anti-bacterial agents with each pass.
22. A pack of laundry soap sheets for your next trip because have you packed 13 maxi dresses? Yes. But have you packed an ample amount of basics (white tees, underwear, etcetera)? Absolutely not. Simply grab a sheet, turn on the faucet, and hand-wash away.
23. Affresh dishwasher cleaning tablets because HOW can you get clean, glistening dishes if the dishwasher itself is *gag* covered in grime? Answer: You can't. These babies are here to help. Simply pop one in, put on the rinse cycle, and continue watching your show. Easy peasy.
24. Balm Dotcom enlists the help of castor oil, beeswax, and lanolin to moisturize your lips while subtle tints provide a splash of color ranging from cherry red to rose pink. And the scents? Divine. Birthday cake, mango, mint... good luck choosing just one.
25. A cooktop cleaning kit here to help your oven look as sparkly as the day Home Depot dropped if off at your door. This works to cut grease stains and burnt cookie deposits like a knife, cleaning your cooktop surface more efficiently than any of the multi-surface sprays you've been using until this point.
26. A 3-in-1 OXO avocado slicer that can pit, split, and slice avocados like there's no tomorrow. I guess you can say that this time-saving tool truly ~guacs~ at turning your avocado toast breakfast dreams into a reality.
27. A garbage disposal brush so you can deep clean *without* having to brace the grossness that is plate dirt and smelly leftovers. So long forever, nasty odors building up in my kitchen sink.
28. Claw clips because it's about time we bid adieu to the damaging hair ties of updo's past and embrace the tool that TikTok has been telling me to buy for the last 13 months. These securely hold back your mane without tugging or pulling, meaning breakage and headaches = no longer an issue.
29. Bottle Bright cleaning tablets that quickly remove all that funky, gross, probably-starting-to-smell build-up in your favorite water bottle. These are biodegradable, chlorine-free, and require absolutely no effort or scrubbing. The results are so. damn. satisfying. to look at.
30. A Feed-N-Wax polish and conditioner formulated with a blend of carnauba and beeswax to take your oldest furniture (the kind you've inherited from a grandparent) and makes it look brand. spanking. new. It provides a protective coating while removing every single water mark in sight.
31. A non-abrasive Bar Keepers Friend cleansing and polishing powder that will destroy years of icky build-up on all of your porcelain, copper, glass, tile, stainless steel, plastic, and brass. Time to grab your cookware set, folks, because the after photos are about to get GOOD.
32. A compression foot sleeve reviewers swear helps with chronic heel pain and plantar fasciitis. Simply slip this on under your socks and voilà! You'll be able to walk 500 miles (and maybe even 500 more) sans discomfort.
33. A set of silicone cups for upping your breakfast game by several Michelin stars. Folks, say hello to fancy brunch via avocado toast with a perfectly poached egg on top — no extra time required, no panicking over the potential of a broken yolk.
34. A reusable microfiber Swiffer mop pad reviewers *swear* picks up even more gunk than the disposable versions do. The best part? Throw 'em in the wash after a deep clean — they'll come out brand new and ready to tackle your abode all over again. Money saved in the long run, baby.
35. A set of oven liners to save you the heartache (yes, heartache) of burnt roast chicken bits — the kind that will require a minimum of seven scouring pads and so. much. backache to remove from your oven surface. Consider that time-consuming cleaning step all but gone and your motivation to make a fancy alfredo revitalized.
36. A bottle of Dr Teal's foaming bath because soothing sore muscles is as easy as one-two-bath. Candles and a glass of vino not required but highly encouraged for the ultimate form of self-care.
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