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21 Of The Absolute Funniest Tweets By Women This Week

"When you check the furniture website and the home page says 'We are the tellers of a story not commonly told' and it's like okay I guess they're not doing a sale" —@annadrezen

This week, Kevin McCarthy was voted out as House Speaker, bed bugs walked the runway during Paris Fashion Week, and my neighbor blasted "All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" every day. That last one isn't newsworthy, but everyone, please send her good vibes because that woman is going through something.

So I guess the House can’t do anything until they have a new speaker? Almost like when they did have a speaker

— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) October 3, 2023
Twitter: @ginnyhogan_

Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!


lana del rey just said “isn’t it cool that we’re playing on a full moon tonight” and everyone turned around to look at the moon and it was not full at all

— paige hettinger (@404paigenotfnd) October 2, 2023
Twitter: @404paigenotfnd


Love driving home from TJ Maxx, my car full of $76 worth of absolutely nothing, wolfing down my disgusting little snack mix from a made up company called like “PopFactory Krinkle Snacks Inc” that I found in the same aisle as dog toys

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @clhubes


and a three point kick is kind of when they gag them a bit

— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) October 2, 2023
Twitter: @jillboard


Family guy is so insane bc why were ppl dating that dog

— Bones• (@boneseyy) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @boneseyy


i’ve never gotten more traction on hinge than i have from this prompt. what does this say about society pic.twitter.com/LslQZYdIDZ

— meredith (@dietz_meredith) October 5, 2023
Twitter: @dietz_meredith


dad called to talk for 20 min about how big the potatoes at costco used to be

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) October 3, 2023
Twitter: @SydneyBattle


I wish Taylor Swift was in love with a climate scientist

— Katja Herbers (@katjaherbers) October 5, 2023
Twitter: @katjaherbers


the “meet me in the restroom” was very forward for a 5th grader but then it makes sense when you find out she’s trying to throw hands

— ashley ray (@theashleyray) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @theashleyray


My closest encounter with the mafia is I went to a starkly empty pizza place in Rhode Island once, they seemed utterly confused that I wanted a pizza, it took 45 minutes to make, they gave it to me for free, and it was the best pizza I’d ever had.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @baddestmamajama


If you went to Paris, I heard the best way not to bring back bed bugs us to tear up your passport before you head to the airport. Hope this helps!

— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @DivaLaci


When you check the furniture website and the home page says "We are the tellers of a story not commonly told" and it's like okay I guess they're not doing a sale

— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 4, 2023
Twitter: @annadrezen


when the friend with the studio apartment hosts the hang pic.twitter.com/t2bQ0uQOMW

— chase (@_chase_____) October 3, 2023
Twitter: @_chase_____


(me finding out the bedbugs are in paris):
Omg they're totally getting engaged

— Emily Bernstein (@emilybern) October 2, 2023
Twitter: @emilybern


*touches his circumcision scar* i’m sorry i couldn’t protect you

— ghost 𖤐 (@ghostcoochie) October 5, 2023
Twitter: @ghostcoochie


Gen Z, please heed my warning : Ballet flats are coming back in style but do not go down this road.

They might seem cute & practical, but you will stress about going to someone's house because the smell of your feet once you take those shoes off is KILLER

— Julie S. Lalonde (@JulieSLalonde) October 5, 2023
Twitter: @JulieSLalonde


I was doing a late night debugging session and I couldn't figure something out

and then I googled it

and the first result with my answer

was a blog post

that I wrote

— Cassidy (@cassidoo) October 3, 2023
Twitter: @cassidoo


Stop making us get a fucking app for every store or restaraunt or whatever omg this 85-year-old woman doesn’t want a fucking app Staples she wants ONE REAM OF PRINTER PAPER

— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) October 2, 2023
Twitter: @danielleweisber


shoutout to our rideshare driver Henry who told us young people tip well but rich people don’t & also he got kicked out of every school he went to (7 total) bc he loved to fight. he had a woman stop him 4x to throw up tn and drove us over a curb for a u-turn.

he was so real.

— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) September 30, 2023
Twitter: @Annie_Wu_22


I yawned in the club last night and my homegirl said “don’t piss me off” 😭

— full-snack developer 🇭🇹 (@notdanilu) October 1, 2023
Twitter: @notdanilu