Note: This article discusses situations involving verbal abuse.
Recently, Twitter user @Oloni went viral after reflecting on knowing men who claimed to like someone in one moment but acted the opposite way in another. She then asked the internet to share: "When did you realize he hated you?"
When did you realise he hated you??
There were a flood of responses that ranged from cheating to worse, and some readers pointed out that many of those who shared their experience were settling in the relationship. So we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the moment when they realized they were settling, and y'all didn't hold back. Here are some of the stories:
1. "We'd already had a ton of discussions that were very pro having kids some day. Well, one day we stopped at a mutual friend's place to drop off a baby shower gift, and it was then that he announced that we would never have children and that I especially shouldn't because I would be a terrible mother."
2. "When he told me after six years that he wanted to date someone who looked better in a bikini."
3. "Before coming out, I tried dating a dude who was your classic 'nice guy.' One day, he just started telling me about how he's used to getting hotter girls, and having to date someone less than a 10 was embarrassing for him. Afterward, his friends told me this dude barely pulled any dates, let alone 10s. But whatever. Helped me realize I shouldn't settle for some boring dude who projects his insecurities, when God made a whole smorgasbord of hot people to enjoy."
4. "After seven years together, I found out he was still telling people that his connection with me wasn't like the one he had with a girl he met before me. He never even dated that girl."
5. "There was a girl I was dating…we were at brunch with a couple of guys we met at a bar the night before. She kept downplaying any connection we had, and when one of them asked her how long we’ve known each other, she said, 'She’s just trying to date me and I’m trying to get her not to.' We were supposed to be on a romantic weekend, which I paid for."
6. "When he told me, 'You’re too stupid to be a career woman but too lazy to be a housewife. What am I supposed to do about that?' Meanwhile, I was the only reason we had healthcare benefits, AND I outearned him that year. Anyway, I left him four months after that conversation. Should’ve left that night, though."
7. "I had an ex-boyfriend invite me over. I arrived at the appointed time and he was in bed with someone else."
8. "When we were lying next to each other and he screamed, 'I’m so fucking bored!' And blamed his boredom on me."
9. "When I asked my ex husband to stop treating me like a roommate, and he responded with, 'You’re not just my roommate, you’re my maid and personal chef.'”
10. "He would text me and send random pictures of his ex and gush over her. The dumbass couldn't comprehend why it upset me."
11. "My ex told me that my mum was a ‘burden to society,' my life would result in nothing, and I’d end up the same as my mother. All while my mum was driving us home. (For context, my mum was working as a barista in a local coffee shop, which obviously wasn’t a career to him.)"
12. "When we had been living together for seven years and he was going to attend some summer film school, and he told me he wouldn’t be telling people he was in a relationship because that could keep him from making any contacts, especially with girls, that could be usable in the future. I got called unsupportive when I said it hurt."
13. "When I started getting bad depression and anxiety, his response was, 'I can’t have my own problems because of yours.' He felt he couldn’t express them."
14. "I had a 105-degree fever while battling the worst flu I’ve ever had. I asked my ex if he could drive me to the hospital because my car wasn’t near our dorm and his was parked right outside. I was super disoriented, dehydrated, and puking nonstop. Obviously, driving there myself would not have been a good idea. He said I needed to grow up and take care of myself."
15. "He stood me up on Valentine's Day, so I got a $300 refund on the new outfit and shoes I bought as his present and took myself shopping."
16. "When I told him the number of people I'd slept with, he said that he couldn’t ever be serious about me because I was a 'whore.'"
17. "When he said that he wants me to have his baby but he will never marry me."
—Vivi
18. "When I told him my dream was to become a lawyer and he looked at me and said, 'You’ll never be anything but my secretary.'”
19. "He couldn't bear to look at pictures of me in my 20s because I 'was so much hotter then.'"
20. "He asked me what I thought of the girls who had come up on his Tinder matches."
Now I want to hear some positive stories. If you're comfortable sharing, when did you realize you were with your ideal partner? Let us know in the comments.
Note: Some of these responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.