We asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they secretly hate about having kids. Here are their very honest responses:
1. "I love my kids, but it's hard to make someone feel good about themselves, life, and school, and trying to help them keep it together when you can barely do it for yourself!"
2. "I don’t like the 'milestones worry,' as I call it. My brain goes into 'what-if' mode and starts to wonder what I am doing wrong if my son is not meeting the exact expectation of a certain milestone. For example, I think he’s advanced in some areas, but he’s not 'talking' a lot and may not be exactly meeting the criteria for his milestone. Meeting or not meeting milestones for kids up to the toddler age is a huge deal."
3. "I hate the constant judgment from people who don't have kids but still feel like they know everything about how to raise one and love to point out everything they think you are doing wrong with yours. I also hate interacting with people who think they are edgy because they refer to children as 'crotch spawn' or some equally rude term and tell everyone who will listen (even when they definitely did not ask) how much they HATE kids and NEVER want to have them and they RUIN everything. When they find out I have kids, those folks always seem to go out of their way to share how much they hate them. Like, good for you, I guess? But also, you're super rude, and no one asked?"
4. "I think for me it’s just that at the end of the work day, now it’s time for mom work to start. Weekends are laundry and groceries and taking the kids places. I look at all my colleagues who don’t have kids, and they can pick up and do work travel at the drop of a hat and stay an extra few days hanging out in the place. My work travel has to be carefully coordinated and as short as possible. I know that I miss out on career opportunities simply because I can’t be as present as non-parents. It’s, of course, not my kid's fault, and I don’t resent them for it, but yeah, it’s hard."
5. "I hate people judging me for existing with kids. I'm going to take my kids out in public. I am going to expose them to art, music, and good food, and people who don't think kids should exist in public can deal with it. They aren't any more disruptive than most adults."
—ehch
6. "I hate the constant guilt of ‘Am I fucking my kids up because of my own anxieties?' Like, my kids have never really had friends stay over because I feel uncomfortable with other people in the house. Is that making their lives more difficult? Am I horrible for having that anxiety? They have never really asked to have friends over, but is that because they know how it affects me? Am I being selfish? That’s the part of parenting I hate."
7. "I used to absolutely detest taking my kids to the park, and I couldn’t avoid it because we had to walk past it on the way home from school. Having to pretend to be interested when they show you that they can climb up two steps on the smallest slide in the world for the HUNDREDTH time that week when really you’d rather stick pins in your eyes, was always so hard."
8. "I hate how everything has to be a 'thing' now because of Pinterest parents. When I was little, there was Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. That was it. Now there is Elf on the Shelf, Leprechaun traps for St. Patrick's Day, and chalkboard photos for every single milestone. It's ridiculous to expect working parents to get time to do all this crap."
9. "I hate the birthday parties. I hate having 15–20 kids at my house (because you have to invite everyone). Half of them are so badly behaved that I'd never have them over again. Most come over hungry and are beyond picky eaters. There is always that one kid who says, 'My mommy said she doesn't like me to eat (cake with gluten, sugar, ice cream, or lemonade).' Finally, I just told one girl, 'Then next time tell your mom to pack you a snack.' Parties are expensive, and I end up having to throw out plates full of half-eaten cake and ice cream, and the kids never remember it."
—Anonymous
10. "I hated the expectation from other parents that our families should be hanging around together just because our kids were a similar age and in the same class. Every day after school, every weekend and holiday, there were calls and texts from my kid’s friend’s parents that they were going on a bike ride, or to the park, or to the zoo, and we should join them."
—Anonymous
11. "They always want to talk when I'm trying to watch a show. I could be cleaning or sitting at the table in silence all day and they never bother me or come downstairs. But as soon as I sit on the couch and turn on something, there they are, chatting it up, showing me stuff on their phones."
—Anonymous
12. "I hate watching my kids pick their nose, look at the booger, and then decide it might be a good snack. It makes my stomach turn every time. It happens quite often. My kids are much older, but I teach little ones, so I still have to see it."
—Anonymous
13. "I hate that my wife and I can no longer be spontaneous when it comes to being intimate. The very thing that created our children almost has to be choreographed. One kid leaves for sports as the other is headed home from school, and we look at each other like, 'We have 30 minutes. Let’s do this.'"
—Anonymous
14. "I hate constant criticism FROM my kids. When they were young, it was only when they had tantrums, but now that I have four teenagers, I can’t go a day without one of them reading me the riot act about how terrible a parent I am. All while I use MY time to drive them around in MY car to the extracurriculars MY hard-earned money paid for."
—Anonymous
15. "I hate the battle of getting them dressed and ready for daycare or school every morning. They act like we don’t do this every day!"
—Anonymous
16. "I hate all the damn activities! I spend so much time every day shuffling the kids from one activity to another. I rarely get time to do anything I want to do, like working out, because there is simply no time at the end of the day."
—Anonymous
17. "My entire summer is spent driving them to all their camps and activities. It is hard for me to find time to work for money because my life revolves around their schedules."
—Anonymous
18. "I hate that I can’t have a few drinks and get drunk without worrying about the next day. I love my child dearly, but I really just want to be carefree once in a while."
—Anonymous
19. "I really, REALLY hate having to go to parent-teacher conferences. Detest it. Both because of that one parent who only wants to talk about their kid while everyone else just wants to go home and is forced to wait and also because there are some truly sucky teachers out there."
—Anonymous
20. "I hate the anxiety! I love my children more than anything, but I get super anxious. Every time they go out, I'm constantly worried. Are they gonna get knocked over? Are they gonna get jumped by someone? Are they gonna do something stupid and break their necks? My kids are 12 and 15 now, so I'm trying to give them independence, but every time they announce they're off with their friends, I feel sick. I felt it was easier when they were smaller and could see where they were all the time."
21. "I hate the constant noise and shouting. Kids don't really talk at a volume that's needed for the communication of ideas. They talk at a volume that feels right to them. And then sometimes some kids are just talkers, and they have frequent cases of verbal diarrhea that go on for hours. They do not care if you are interested or not."
22. "I hate being over-touched by my kids and hate having to deal with their school. I am not a social person. But hey, they are my babies, and I love them more than anything."
23. "I hate the evolving expectations of parents that have changed over time, making the job much harder. Depending on where you live, something as simple as letting your kids walk home from school unsupervised can be a crime."
24. "I hate breastfeeding and potty training. Potty training is slightly better because at least it doesn't physically hurt, but they're both extremely annoying."
25. "I was not prepared for my child to be such a chatterbox. I was a quiet child, his half-sister was the quietest kid I had ever met, and yet, somehow mine comes home from kindergarten and talks for HOURS. I don't need silence all the time, but I do hit my limit with a constant stream of chatter and just need a few minutes of peace so I can regroup and the chattering can start again."
26. "I miss resting when I’m sick. If you’re sick, guess what? You don’t get to rest! You’re still expected to cook the meals, clean the messes, and get the kids to their schools and activities. It’s awful."
27. "I hate how many of the cute milestones just make things harder as a parent. Cool, they can walk — now I can never sit down again. She just pooped in the potty for the first time? Amazing! Now I get to clean poop and pee off the floor multiple times a day until she gets the timing right, and THEN we have to make sure we’re near a toilet every 30 minutes so we can practice, and then I still have to wipe. School? I have to drop them off, help with homework, and deal with bullies. The small moments of bliss are certainly worth it, but now that we’re in the 'I’m going to take my diaper off WHILE I’m pooping' phase, I’m realizing that it really is a never-ending slog."
28. And finally, "I hate weekends. Weekends before having kids meant sleeping in, having brunch, binge-watching TV, and relaxing. Weekends after having kids mean 8 a.m. soccer games, birthday parties, and expectations to entertain your kids all the time. I relish Mondays now."
Parents, what are other things you secretly hate about having kids? Let us know in the comments (or use this Google form if you want to be anonymous).
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.