When you’re serving someone and the queue is loooong, and they say the most annoying line in the history of the world…”oh, I think I have the right change!” And they spend ages rummaging in their bag and pockets and wallet for the coins, and the queue is getting longer and then, when they’ve got it all, they ignore your outstretched hand and put it all on the damn counter.

And here’s that episode where Ross “accidentally” films he and Rachel having sex. Monica is a little too eager to watch the video considering they’re brother and sister!

When I was a teenager, I was awkward, shy and into art and books instead of the things most of my peers were. My French class took a trip to Paris, I was miserable for most of it. I wasn’t cool enough to hang with the “in” crowd and not quite dorky enough to be one of the nerds. I kept myself to myself and I really just wanted to go home. I called my parents in tears many times telling them just that. My teacher overheard one such call and took me aside and asked what he could do to make the trip better, what would I really like to do in Paris because tbh, he wasn’t entirely happy with the other kids choices of shopping malls and McDonald’s every other day, it was after all the city of culture, dammit! So, I told him I wanted to see some Monet paintings. The next day he took me to the Musee d’Orangerie where I sat in the middle of the room with the water lily paintings in and cried and cried because they were so beautiful. He literally made a dream of mine come true that day and when the trip ended and we got back to school, he became so much more than a teacher to me. He was someone I could really talk and open up to, for the first time in my whole school life. Haven’t seen him for over 20 years, but I still think the world of him.

Ah no, my hips definitely never went back, and it’s been 15 years so I guess they probably won’t lol!

Most of these things are surely common knowledge? Cravings, sense of smell, all of it is written about in pregnancy manuals, but granted, in varying degrees. I didn’t know that my feet would grow a size and never go back though. I wish someone had told me that.

Two years without a drink this summer. I wouldn’t say I drank heavily but I definitely used it as something to help me with a pretty hefty case of panic disorder. For so long I refused to listen to my doctors who kept telling me it was in fact doing the opposite, but finally, hooked up to a heart monitor in hospital a week after my birthday in 2015, I decided to do as I was being told. Best. Decision. Ever. I’m not anxiety free, far from it but instead of 6-10 attacks a day, I get one or two a month. I sleep better, I don’t have that booze fog, my skin is better, I feel just…better. Plus I buy shoes with all that money I save. Win/win.

#7 might be a pretentious so and so but they can’t spell “cupboard.” They also can’t operate a light switch. I feel sorry for them.

That kettle is the worst thing ever. The amount of times I’ve absent mindedly boiled it when there’s no water in the bottom because the filter is SO slow. And even worse than that, for a British person, it doesn’t take enough water to make a pot of tea!
Those bins are good though.

Menstrual cup FTW! As I got older my period got heavier and cramps were like, duuuude! But the mooncup copes admirably with my flow and cramps have lessened. But do shop around, I tried a couple of brands before I settled on the mooncup. And now, 2 years on, my monthly spend has gone from £7ish to nothing, the amount of rubbish associated with odd and tampons is a thing of the past and I feel like I’m sticking it to the man cos I ain’t paying their damn tampon tax. They need to be talked about more, especially in those health classes in schools cos I didn’t even know there were options beyond the old tampons and pads, and I really wish I’d found out about it sooner.

I wandered around the house at night a lot as a kid, were talking about 3 years old, something like that. One time my mother woke up at 3am and I was standing next to her bed, staring at her without blinking. So, to stop it, my parents told me that a troll lived in the airing cupboard opposite my bedroom. It worked. In fact it worked so well that I wouldn’t even get out of bed if I was sick. The troll moved out after I went down with a particularly epic bout of explosive diarrhoea!

My mother died 2 years ago, our relationship was always difficult but she straight up didn’t GAF what she said once she knew she’d be checking out. The last lucid thing she said to me…I went to visit her in the hospital where she was hooked up to drips and her hands were swollen ‘cos of all the excess fluid and she said “look at these hands…for the first time ever, they’re fatter than yours.” Savage even on her death bed!

Goddammit, buzzfeed. The world doesn’t need to know about my unsalty frosting that badly.

I use salted butter for my frosting too, but I never had salty frosting. The amount of salt in butter is really small, I think a US stick of butter has about a third of a teaspoon of salt in. I think if you make a cream cheese frosting, there’s way more salt in that. But it’s all down to personal taste at the end of the day isn’t it?

When a recipe calls for unsalted butter and then a pinch of salt, just use salted butter. It seems like much less hassle to me and I always forget to buy unsalted butter! Also, don’t keep your eggs in the fridge. They take ages to come to room temperature and cold eggs can make a buttery mixture go all weird and clumpy. Thy don’t keep eggs in fridges at the supermarkets so there’s really no need to do it at home. Also, when sieving flour, do it from quite high up. It seems to make things a bit more airy.

Yokoso in Northampton, on Fish Street in the town centre. Easy to dismiss it as it’s so tiny, and as such their menu isn’t huge but they do amazing katsu curry and their sushi is excellent. You can get a really good hot meal for under a fiver.

Romance And Cigarettes ought to be on here somewhere, Christopher Walker sings Delilah in it and it’s completely wondrous.

I worked in a record store for years in the days before ubiquitous internet, at least once a week we had people asking “did you watch that show on tv last night?” No ma’am, I didn’t. “Oh ok well, there was a song on one of the adverts, I don’t know what the advert was for but it was on at exactly 8.16pm. Do you know what song it was? I loved it, I want to buy it. No, I can’t remember how it went. Can’t you look it up on the computer?” And my other favourite “my son/mother/grandma wants an album, I can’t remember what it’s called but the cover is mostly black.” I always made sure they went home with a copy of The Black Album!

I learned long ago not to tell guys online that I either a) have kids or b) like animals because 90% of the time they ask if I’ve had sex with them. Like, seriously guys, if you wouldn’t say it to a girl in a bar, don’t say it to a girl online!

I know the “proper” way is over but I have mine under, since I discovered that it stops small children from unravelling it quite as quickly. Plus, ya know, doesn’t matter. The hanging of the stuff really doesn’t affect its ability to clean ones ass.

I don’t remember when I found out but I remember when my daughter did. She came home from school aged about 9 (she has a little brother so we kept the magic going as long as we possibly could!) saying “all my friends say Santa isn’t real” so we asked her, well, what do you think? “I think it’s probably…you and Dad?” was her reply, a little bit of uncertainty in her voice. So Dad said “OK, well, you’re right, it is me…” and she cried. And cried. And CRIED. For days. And every time we saw a man in a Santa suit at the shops she’d ask, in a really loud stage whisper “SO THATS NOT HIM EITHER?!” She obviously had never felt so betrayed before!