1. Being around people is just plain old EXHAUSTING.
How many calories do you burn from just being around people all day? A lot.
2. That’s because humans, by nature, are extremely judgmental. Therefore, the only way to live in a judgment-free zone is to avoid other people entirely.
And yeah, you want fries with that.
3. You have to be on your best behavior at all times when you are around people. That means no burping or farting, for starters, which is absolutely no fun.
There is no shame in belching.
4. Other people also expect you to have table manners. But when you’re alone, you can eat however the hell you want.
Chewing with your mouth closed is way overrated.
5. When you’re alone, you also get to avoid boring conversations, like what is the best food to feed a cat.
No one cares about Whiskers’ diet. NO ONE.
6. Spending time reading in peace and quiet is just BETTER than trying to shout over the music at happy hour.
Because you’d rather pore over a book than have a beer poured all over you.
7. Same goes for unwinding alone by binge-watching your favorite show. Unlike real people, Netflix will never ask you annoying questions about your dating life.
Hanging out with Frank Underwood > hanging out with real people.
8. After a long day at work, unwinding in the peace and quiet of your own home will ALWAYS sound better than spending more time with loud, obnoxious people.
Five o’clock can never come fast enough.
9. Most of the time, you just want to be alone with your thoughts.
Can I get some gosh darn peace and quiet? Also, maybe a glass of wine on the side.
10. Going to the movies? It’s just better alone, because you can sit where you want, go as early as you want, and most important, SEE what you want.
You won’t have to worry about any hunger games when you go see The Hunger Games.
11. Dining alone means more wine and more food for you. WIN.
Because really, one bottle for one person sounds JUST about right.
12. Also, you can eat WHATEVER the hell you want. Go ahead, get that double bacon cheeseburger on a pretzel bun.
With EXTRA bacon, and hold the judgment.
13. Being around people means you have to wear pants. Being alone in your room in just your underwear > being around people and wearing pants.
Air it out, baby. Air. It. Out.
14. You’ve mastered the art of avoiding hanging out with people…
You’re practically the Invisible Man, or Woman.
15. …And also know how to tactfully get out of plans you have already made.
Canceling ALWAYS feels so good, doesn’t it?
16. You love to socialize, but only with the right people, in the right place, at the right time. You’re discerning in that way.
Not just anyone gets to hang out with you, after all.
17. You have zero FOMO, because you would never, ever dream of doing something just for the sake of doing something.
If everyone jumped off a bridge, you’d laugh because you were the only one with enough common sense to not jump off a bridge.
18. Having your own space is amazing. You can keep it as clean or dirty as you like, and decorate it to your taste.
Don’t feel like making your bed? THEN DON’T MAKE YOUR BED.
19. Being alone means you can move at your own pace. You can get up when you want, do what you want WHEN you want, and basically don’t have to cater to anyone else. It’s all about YOU.
Me time is the best time.
20. This especially applies when you are traveling alone. There is truly nothing else in the world like exploring — and maybe even getting lost in — a city or the wild all by yourself.
You can go as slow or as fast as you like.
21. You get really tired of people asking you why you aren’t going out, or why you don’t want to hang out.
Do I really need to explain why I don’t want to hang out with you?
22. Bars and parties: long lines, loud music, lots of sweaty people. You know to steer clear.
This should be obvious.
23. Large crowds are absolutely, positively your worst enemy.
The more people, the worse your mood.
24. Everyone knows it, but not everyone will say it: Spending some quality alone time is the only time you really feel at ease.
You do you.
25. After all, is there anyone in the world you would rather hang out with than yourself?
Spoiler alert: There isn’t.