Oprah said 'No' was a complete sentence and Hillary listened. Isn't it time you did too?
"Bernie, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire!?"
The senator from Vermont was born in Brooklyn — and really sounds like it.
Or are you doomed to always pick the wrong one?
"I'm literally just here for Anderson Cooper's tie and glasses."
It could be mayonnaise.
Sometimes, you just need to hear nice things.
Yes, Steve Austin stunned a future presidential candidate.
Remember when there was NOTHING worse than getting a "burn error" while making a mix CD?
Instagram has really gone to the dogs, in the best possible way.
This is the scoop you've been waiting for.
There's snakes in the garden...
I've got a blank space baby and I'll choose your Halloween costume.
I don't start fights, but I can finish them.
Because penises are OBVIOUSLY funny.
Bring it in. Bring it in.
Lactose intolerants welcomed!
"I hate that moment I tell a girl my height over Tinder and she just never replies."
A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do!
Shit really ain't what it seems.
Trick or treat! Life is fleeting.
There can only be one famous rat.
It's your aesthetic. Own it.
NO WAY did these films come out 21 years ago (spoiler alert: yes way).
This is the ultimate test of intuitiveness.
Martha doesn't play around.
I'm not crying...you're crying! (Just kidding. I'm crying.)
*Evil laugh, evil laugh, evil laugh*
Grab the tissues, because you're about to tear up.
Let's explore the dark side of your sign.
WE CAN'T LET THIS TEAR US APART!
It could be any number of things.
Me want to unsee.
We miss you Rick and Morty.
"I wish I could go on Ellen and apologize for something that I said about gay people. That would be the highlight of my career."
Keep it creepy.
The voices of the beloved animated classic strike a pose and offer a fun fact. Plus, there's a couple vines of a ~modernized~ "Whole New World."
You can have your beer and eat it too.
Your eyeballs are crystal balls.
“What’s the fuss about people eating ass recently?"
"As I told Lady Freeze when I pulled her plug, this is a one woman show."
♫ Oooh baby, baby, we belong togetherrrrr♫