26 Kinds Of People You Should Never Have Dinner With

Honestly, I’d rather eat alone. posted on

1. People who refuse to pick a restaurant.

See also: Every Conversation About Going Out To Dinner Ever

2. People who always get too dressed up.

3. People who refuse to try anything new, ever.

Anderson Cooper is a terrible, terrible role model.

(Don’t be like Anderson. Be like Rino.)

Rino is fabulous.

4. People who don’t know how to wait for food.

You are not going to starve. Find your zen.

5. People with a crippling fear of noodle splatter.

6. People who spend more time talking about the food than eating it.

7. People who pretend to know a lot about wine.

8. People who think the bottle of wine you order to share is their personal property.

Whoa there, cowboy.

9. People who order something dumb and then get sad about it.

Why would you get the shrimp at a burger joint? It didn’t have to be this way.

10. People who take phone calls at the table.

Even Nick Miller.

11. People who pack it in like they’re about to fast for six months.

12. People who refuse to share food.

I don’t have a life-threatening communicable illness, OK?

13. People…who….eat…..very……very……..slowly.

It’s been three hours. Can you let them clear the appetizers, please?

14. People who never learned any table manners.

15. People who can’t handle hibachi.

THE FIRE, WHY IS IT SO LOUD

16. People who aren’t responsible enough to have a steak knife.

17. People who have to make sure you notice how healthy they’re being.

18. People who do this to get the waiter’s attention.

Use your words.

19. People who treat dinner like it’s some kind of game.

Eating is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

20. People who have trouble transporting food from their plates to their mouths.

It’s a problem.

21. People who are filled with rage.

22. People who say this:

Stay home and eat sad things by yourself.

23. People who force you to order dessert so they feel less guilty.

God knows dessert is important, but so is FREEDOM and the RIGHT TO CHOOSE. Leave me alone.

24. People who are turds about splitting the check.

Oh, what’s that, you need to have an exact accounting of the minute price differences between eight people’s entreés? Oh, you “never carry cash”? Oh, you “forgot” about tax and tip? GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK.

25. People who don’t understand tipping.

26. Cats, in general.

Cats don’t even eat normal human food. Why would you have dinner with a cat?

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