Delete the devil’s cookies, Jesus!
“I’m never drinking again.”
It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s them.
Sorry, I only drink Ashley Chai.
There are some things in life you just can’t filter.
Your top fits me like a glove!
For an elephant.
“It has the consistency of like, dried foreskin.”
Don’t Kung Pao my Chow Mein.
“I hope that’s it otherwise I’m getting diabetes from all the sh*t I’ve just eaten from your country.”
Isn’t that like, paying for your friends?
Who’s the most popular tweeter in YOUR state?
For all the #snapchamps out there.
“I’ve always wondered how mermaids pee.” Download Whisper for more mermaid secrets.