1. Expectation: You can be naked all the time and it will be so liberating.
Reality: It turns out being naked all the time is just cold and dangerous.
2. Expectation: No one will tempt you into ruining your carb-free summer.
Reality: No one is there to stop you from eating a whole tub of ice cream by yourself.
3. Expectation: You get to pick whatever you want to watch on TV.
FINALLY you can get around to watching all those intelligent, subversive films you’ve been meaning to see for years.
Reality: You just end up watching the same reruns of America’s Next Top Model over and over again.
Reality: You never have to shower.
5. Expectation: The washing machine is always going to be free.
You’ll never run out of pants again!
Reality: You just turn your pants inside out because no one’s watching.
6. Expectation: You’ll become an amazing cook who eats their favourite food all the time.
7. Expectation: Everyone will talk about your legendary parties.
Reality: Everyone does talk about your legendary parties – but you’re the only one there to clean up after them.
8. Expectation: Your quiet evenings will give you the perfect opportunity to catch up on some reading.
Reality: You spend all your time on social media, desperate for human company.
9. Expectation: There’ll be lots of space in the kitchen so you can be organised.
Reality: You find yourself beginning to wonder whether “tidy” was ever even a thing.
10. Expectation: You’ll never have to put up with your friends’ cheesy taste in music again.
Reality: Justin Bieber secretly touches your heart and you can listen to him as much as you want.
11. Expectation: If there’s a spider, you’ll be totally fucked.
Reality: Suddenly buying more crockery seems the preferable option.
13. Expectation: You’ll have lovely dinner parties for your sophisticated friends.
Reality: You spend stupid money feeding people who make more than you and they leave without doing the washing up.
14. Expectation: You get to have a pet that will love you unconditionally.
Reality: Instead of staving off loneliness, it becomes the mascot for your loneliness.
15. Expectation: You get to decide who comes over and who doesn’t.
Reality: Bitter, bitter loneliness.
16. Expectation: No one will be around when you want to have sex.
17. Expectation: No more arguing over the thermostat. You can have it hot as you like.
Reality: Your gas bill is the most terrifying thing you’ve seen in years.
18. Expectation: Your flat will have the coolest interior design.
Reality: Not so much.
19. Expectation: No one will “borrow” your favourite clothes.
Reality: You cannot “borrow” your housemates’ favourite clothes.
20. Expectation: You will totally cut down on alcohol.
Reality: You momentarily choke on a biscuit and your entire life flashes before your eyes – and no one is coming to save you.
23. Expectation: It is so awesome having sole access to your own house.
Reality: It is much less awesome when you’re locked out.
24. Expectation: Everyone will be so impressed by how grown up and sorted out your life is.
Reality: You have no one else to blame for the state of the house or, in fact, the state of your life in general.
25. Expectation: You never have to wait to poo.
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