I want wheatgrass mornings and whiskey nights.
“At any given moment I’m thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfus hunkered over eatin’ dog food.”
“I can’t believe they’re having a viral outbreak the same weekend as my house-warming party. Why do these things always happen to me?”
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
“Good Lord. I can’t believe I’m at a public pool. Why doesn’t somebody just pee directly on me?”
You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.
Even though “Oy! With the poodles already!” never caught on.