Two BFFs Solved Major Friendship Problems

    Friendship is forever, just like a bad tattoo.

    by
    Christian Zamora
    by Christian Zamora

    BuzzFeed Staff

    ,
    Sam Stryker
    by Sam Stryker

    BuzzFeed Staff

    BuzzFeed's resident BFFs, Christian and Sam, recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share their current friendship problems to see if #ChriSam could use their friendship knowledge to solve 'em!

    Kirsten King / Christian Zamora / BuzzFeed

    *Some advice might be better than others.

    1. This friend struggling with keeping it all in the family:

    Dear BuzzFeed BFFs,

    My best friend recently started dating my little brother… He's a great guy, but things got a little out of hand, and every time I try to give advice to them about being careful and not taking things too fast (because they're both in their young teens), they (my brother especially) say that my advice isn't valid because I'm her best friend, and I'm influenced by jealousy… What do I do to make sure I'm not influenced by it, and how can I word it so that they'll listen?

    (Submitted by alyssar4d227333c)

    NBC

    Giiiiirl. First off — I'm sorry. Like the last thing I want is for my sister to be hooking up with Sam.

    Secondly, PUT AN END TO IT! I don't want to tell you exactly what to do, but here are step-by-step instructions on how to reclaim your BFF:

    1. Tell her in passing that your brother keeps calling her "Marisa" when you ask him about their relationship, but quickly corrects himself to her actual name.

    2. Steal his phone (slip him NyQuil or something) and follow a random girl named "Marisa" on Instagram.

    3. Like all of this "Marisa" girl's photos from his account.

    3½. If you're really feeling up to it, comment "Marisbae" on one of her photos.

    4. Screenshot his activity from the activity page of your Instagram account and send it to your friend.

    5. Sip some tea and watch the violent fireworks that commence.

    Voila — you and your BFF are back to normalcy.

    Oh brother. Seriously, oh your brother is being such a twerp. Definitely go to your best friend if you want to talk because men are trash AND younger siblings are like Taylor Swift's dance moves: All they do is cause chaos.

    I'm also unsure as to why your brother is accusing you of jealousy. Does he think you're jealous that YOU'RE not dating him (ew, giving me serious Lannister vibes)? Or maybe does he think you're jealous YOU'RE not dating your best friend (in which case, we totally have a different problem)? Or maybe it's that she's spending more time with him now than you (OK, that's probably it).

    Listen, it's OK to be weirded out by this situation — it reads like a desperate B-plotline on Gossip Girl — and the most important thing is probably just to give them space. Worst-case scenario, the relationship crashes and burns faster than Lindsay Lohan's music career, and your friend returns with her tail between her legs. Best-case scenario…your BFF becomes your in-law in a few years. Which wouldn't be the worst thing, right?

    2. This friend who wishes to erase the past:

    My best friend harassed me into getting (terrible) matching tattoos a while ago and I want to get mine lasered off. It's awful and I hate it, but I don't know how to do it without offending her. What should I do?

    (Submitted by laurenc4b99d5a80)

    Universal Pictures

    WHOA — was it at least a lower-back butterfly tattoo?

    I would definitely go ahead and tell her you're getting yours removed before you do it, but just make up some bullshit lie as to WHY you're doing it!!! Maybe say, "Look, Lisa, I have to get this tattoo we got together removed from my skin because Mormon missionaries came to my house and I'm converting tomorrow." If she's a good friend, she'll respect your new religious beliefs.

    Be creative and HAVE FUN with the lie — that's the takeaway message here.

    Good luck, my friend.

    Unfortunately, good friendships are like bad tattoos: They last forever. But frankly, one of the best parts of friendship is you can be honest with your besties. Like, I tell Christian ALL the time how I think his love of CiCi's Pizza is #tragic and I also call him out on wearing the same shirt two days in a row (in his defense, the shirt DID look good on him).

    I think your best option is to be honest with your friend. You may need to sugarcoat it a bit — i.e., maybe don't say that the tattoo is ugly AF, and instead say you feel you've outgrown it. If she's a real friend, she'll appreciate your candor AND maybe she'll figure her shit out and get hers lasered off too. If not, well, YOLO!

    3. This friend who's BFFs with jealousy:

    Dear BuzzFeed BFFs,

    My friend since kindergarten seems to be turning against me. She talks bad about me to our other friends, is jealous about anything I do well, and is constantly snapping at me. Everything I do seems to make it worse, so I've just about given up on our friendship completely. I want to make it better. Is there any way?

    (Submitted by MadPad)

    New World Pictures

    Is this girl's name "Nick Jonas"? Oh, it isn't? THEN DROP HER GIRL!!!

    Sure, you played musical chairs together and learned how to count to 100 from the same kindergarten teacher, but jealousy is a disease and this girl is gonna DIE from it. All you have to do is just sit back and watch her suffer like a wounded antelope getting eaten by a lion!

    TTYL

    It sounds SO cliché, like the white girl surviving until the end of a horror movie, but it really seems like the problem is with her, and not you. I know we have this mentality of, like, trying to fix things and making them better, but sometimes it's just better to take out the trash. I'm not saying you necessarily need to totally cut off your friend, but you might want to go all-in with a Real Housewives–esque move.

    Basically, you need to find some time alone with your friend. Tell her you're sick of her shit (it helps if you come prepared with a few instances of when she was a dick, because if there's one thing assholes like to do, it's to turn it on you) and are willing to salvage the friendship, but you need her on board too. If she REALLY is your bestie, she'll be DTF (down to friendship, you sickos) and she'll turn her beat around like Gloria Estefan. If she's not — and it sounds like this might be the more likely possibility — she'll blow up in your face, so come prepared with a glass of chardonnay to throw at her,* and you can drop her like it's hot, Snoop Dogg–style.

    *You probably should not actually do this.

    4. This friend who's watching her friend fall for her ex:

    So I recently dated this guy at my school, and we just broke up, but not only is my BFF still talking to him, they're flirting hardcore as well. It really hurts, but she looks so happy, and I don't want us to not be friends, so I haven't told her how I feel. Please help me! I don't know what to do with it anymore.

    (Submitted by Ulla Bech)

    Paramount Pictures

    That's sweet of you wanting to protect your friend's feelings...BUT WHY?!

    SNAP 👏 OUT 👏 OF 👏 IT 👏!

    Was this "BFF" of yours protecting your feelings when she started talking to your ex?

    Was this "BFF" of yours protecting your feelings when she started "hardcore" flirting with him?

    Was this "BFF" of yours protecting your feelings when she decided to reheat your leftovers and get a taste of what your exboi has to offer? (YOU KNOW THEY'RE DOING IT BEHIND YOUR BACK.)

    The answer to all of the above is "NO," so stop protecting her feelings and put some Nair in her shampoo or some shit.

    Ur welcome.

    I normally don't advocate being passive-aggressive when it comes to romantic stuff, but I often find myself eating dinner home alone in my underwear with crumbs all over my stomach, so what do I know. Anyway, I say your best bet is to pull a move that lands you a juicier, hotter piece of ass that helps you get back at your boyfriend, your friend, AND helps you get laid better than a cobblestone road in Europe. Here's what you do:

    1. Ignore your BFF and your ex for, like, a hot second. Let them do their thing. Like you said, if them making you feel happy makes YOU feel happy then you should let this relationship fester like a popped blister, albeit a romantic one.

    2. Find a new boyfriend. Again, easier said then done, but if you've landed one man, you can land another. HOWEVER, you need to make sure he's a total catch. Not just hotter than your ex, but the type of guy who lets you take the last slice of pizza, because you fucking DESERVE it.

    3. Go on double dates with your BFF and ex, and flaunt it in their face that you're the one who really came out on top in this situation. It's the American way.

    Remember, when it comes to love, it's a long game. Let them win the battle; you get to win the war.

    5. This friend dealing with a "fake":

    Well, I have a friend who has a fake boyfriend…that just about says it all. All of our other friends know he is fake and they decided to take the more aggressive route and be sort of harsh to her, but I want to let her know I know in more of a subtle and friendly way(?)

    (Submitted by rebeccastrasser95)

    MTV

    Listen — your friend is just trynna live her life with a fake boyfriend. Is the fake boyfriend bothering you? Hitting on you? Changing your friend in a negative way? The answer is no CUZ HE'S FAKE.

    If Heidi Montag dated someone fake over Spencer Pratt, Lauren and Heidi would still be sunbathing together and innovating hair braids together. If anything, you should be grateful your friend is dating someone fake.

    Let her live.

    ILY

    At least it sounds like your friend is doing better than Christian and I, because both of us are single AF (FYI, our DMs are OPEN) and neither of us is even lucky enough to be in any relationship, including fake ones.

    That being said, without knowing WHAT your friend's intentions are for having a fake boyfriend (Maybe she wants the attention? Maybe she's wised up and realized all men are complete utter garbage and a fake boyfriend is actually better than a real one? Who knows!), as long as she isn't hurting anyone with this faux relationship — including herself — I'd say just let this thing run it's course. Your friends are probably jealous that she's getting some catfish action and wish they were getting some imaginary D of their own.

    Be a good friend and let your friend figure this one out. Love is difficult enough as it is.

    6. This friend who likes to dick around:

    Dear BuzzFeed BFFs,

    My friend is a dick but the problem is I'm also a dick. I can't forgive him and it doesn't seem like he cares. Maybe we aren't that great of friends after all these years. Go figure.

    (Submitted by elizaj482ff7ada)

    VH1

    Look — one of you is just going to have to be the bottom in this friendship and take the dickiness of the other.

    Have a friendship problem you want solved? We’ll be giving out MORE advice via a Periscope broadcast, so be sure to tune in to Christian's Periscope (@christian_zamo) Friday, June 5 at 4 p.m. ET/1 PT.