Women Are Sharing Their 'You Should Be Speaking To Me, Not Him' Stories, And To Say I'm Outraged Would Be An Understatement
"I answered, and he said to my boyfriend, 'Does she ALWAYS do that?' Excuse me? Do what? Speak?"
Ever have an experience where the man you're speaking to decides to conveniently ignore you because you're, decidedly, 'not a man,' and instead speaks to a man you happen to be with — like your partner, father, friend, or coworker?
So here are some of the outrage-inducing responses we received that will leave you fuming:
1. "When I was in the Air Force, I had to bring my cat to the vet. He ended up needing expensive medication and staying a couple of nights. I asked the vet if there was a military discount. He said yes, but the active duty member had to be the one paying for it."
"He thought I was asking for a discount on behalf of my husband or boyfriend. I quickly let him know that *I* was the active duty member, and *I* would be paying. He apologized real quick." —bethwenselr
2. "I was at GameStop to buy video games with my boyfriend. I was ignored until I asked for a game that I'd been looking for. The sales guy said, 'Yeah, this one's a first-person shooter — that means it's in the player's perspective. We have a lot of female-friendly games over there, though, since I'm sure this is too violent for you,' and proceeded to show me Cooking Mama."
"This literally happens to me all the time. 🙄 Men really can be the worst." —rugrats2
3. "My boyfriend and I were crossing the border, and the border officer kept referring all questions to my boyfriend — what's the license plate number, where we were going, how long we’d be gone for, etc. — even though I was driving. I always answered, and eventually, he said, 'Does she ALWAYS do that?'"
"Excuse me? Do what? Speak?" —warriorqueen36
4. "I went in to buy a TV, and the salesman asked, 'What size does your husband want?' I looked at him and asked, 'What size does your wife want?'"
"Then, I walked up to a saleswoman and told her which TV I wanted. It was in my car within 15 minutes, and she joked about how that guy pisses people off all the time." —bfdayistooshortforthis
5. "I work as a figure skating coach and I took a really bad fall one day — massive bruises and swelling on my knees, broken right elbow, sprained left thumb, and bruises on one side of my face. My husband went with me to urgent care, and the orthopedist who delivered the news that my elbow was broken spoke only to my husband. He didn’t examine any of my injuries. His only comment to me was, 'It might be a good idea to find another hobby.'"
"To say the least, I went for a second opinion the next day to a different doc and it turns out there was even more going on with the elbow that the first guy didn’t catch. Always worth the second opinion from doctors who are not a useless sexist piece of trash!"
6. "I went to Best Buy with my boyfriend to get parts to build a computer. The salesman only talked to my boyfriend even though he wasn’t paying for it."
"My boyfriend explicitly told him I was building the PC and paying for it. The salesman continued to talk to him, so we left." —jessicaj44a188d3c
7. "I can't make any changes on our bank account, it has to be my husband (or basically a male voice on the phone). It was originally my account, I just added him to it when we got married."
"This was even the case just to enroll us in the points program to earn free rewards." —jjolene710
8. "My parents came with me to purchase my first mattress post-grad because my dad had a truck. The salesman kept directing questions to my dad and having him try out the mattresses after me to make sure they were good. My dad finally lost it and yelled, 'It's her bed, she's paying for it, she's the only one that has to like it. I'm just the driver.'"
"The guy still kept selling to my dad. I wish I wasn't as timid then, because that wouldn't fly with me now." —tracilynhayes
9. "My boyfriend and I went camping and stopped at a liquor store in a small town. I told him to take the ice to his Jeep, and I'd pay. I gave the older man my card and paid, but he waited for my boyfriend to return inside to give him the beer and alcohol."
"I'm pushing 40, so it was clearly not because of my age." —michellef429789405
10. "When I bought car insurance, I told the insurance agent that my husband didn’t need to be on the policy because he didn’t drive. They made me bring in a copy of his state ID to prove that he didn’t have a license. They admitted that they wouldn’t have required my ID if the positions had been reversed."
"Institutional sexism is still here. Just because it isn’t as bad as it was in the '70s — when my mom once had to walk home from the oil fields because she wouldn’t blow her boss — doesn’t mean it’s gone, or really that the 'blow me or walk home' stuff doesn’t still happen." —jadefishes
11. "I went to buy a new car, and every dealer spoke to my husband first. They stopped when I corrected them, but one guy said, 'Yeah, but your husband will be paying for it.' No, we share finances, and I’m an attorney."
"We left and have not been back to that dealership because it still pisses me off when I think about it." —daniellestevenss
12. "I went to the doctor to talk about having my tubes tied. The nurse told me I could not discuss this with any doctor as an option because I was too young (32). I had one child already, and neither one of us wanted more. The nurse said, 'Your husband may change his mind.' When I explained, 'No, we're set on no more,' I was told, 'You may get divorced and remarry one day, and your new husband may want a child.'"
"Not that it should matter whatsoever, but after having my one child due — with various complications resulting in three MAJOR operations and almost 20 years of pain — I couldn't have another child even if I wanted one!" —omc3032000mkw
13. "I used to travel extensively with my career (125k miles/100 days). With this came significant perks with airlines and hotel chains. However, whenever we would travel for pleasure, without fail, the gate agent, hotel desk clerk, etc. would look directly at my husband and thank him for his loyalty."
"He rarely traveled unless it was with me on a family vacation. The worst was when the the airline upgraded him to first class and not me. He politely said, ‘No thank you, I think you’ve chosen the wrong Smith.' Grrrrr." —lovelylola20
14. "When I was pregnant, I had to go in for emergency surgery (an abortion) because my organs were failing. I was in so much pain upon waking up and crying, begging for the doctor to do something. As soon as they let my fiancé in, he told the doctor to give me pain medicine, and they did."
"All he had to do was ask. I had to beg, and they didn't listen. It was like the doctor wanted to punish me or something. It was traumatic." —zombiedolllizkah
15. "I was getting an estimate to have the hardwood floors redone in the house I have owned for 25 years. I was in the kitchen with the floor guy, and my boyfriend was watching TV on the couch. The man kept speaking to my boyfriend, who never took his eyes off the TV and kept saying, 'Her house, not mine.'"
"Of course, I’m used to this type of treatment. It took him going off about politics for me to finally say buh-bye." —qtrayvn
16. "When I purchased my first home, a neighbor came to introduce himself while my parents were visiting. We started talking about water quality, and he says, 'There’s something called sulfur in water. You probably don’t know what that is,' then turns to my father and goes, 'You know what I’m talking about.'"
"My dad had no idea. But I sure as hell knew what that was and let him know as well." —redsongbird
17. "The head of the company I used to work for would come into the store I managed and ask my male sales associates questions about store operations and financial numbers. They’d turn to me and ask, then repeat what I told them."
"All male associates told the head of the company to talk to me. He never did." —rachelo4416fb6c5
18. "When my house caught fire, the firefighters kept talking to my boyfriend about the house instead of me — despite me being identified as the homeowner. It's my house, in my name, that I paid 100% for on my own. I'm the one who told him to get the fire extinguishers, got the kids out of the house, called 911, and shut off the breakers."
"Only the battalion chief started talking to me once he realized I was the one who owned the house and had the information he needed. I was almost as irritated at being ignored as I was over the cause of the fire. (Luckily the damage was pretty minimal, and the only thing I really lost was the air purifier.)" —skadi9
19. "I was sitting in a medical gown, and the male doctor walked in, greeted my male fiancé, and asked about the reason for our visit. I stood up — my gown falling open to reveal my nakedness — extended my hand, and said, 'Good afternoon. I'm here to have some moles removed, and you have one chance to correct that lovely dose of everyday misogyny before I make a scene.'"
"The doctor swallowed hard and looked back at my fiancé. I cleared my throat as my fiancé tipped his head toward me. The doctor apologized pretty damn quick." —terrih4ebb9eeea
20. "I went to several doctors for consultations on breast implants. One of them looked at the (male) friend I'd brought for moral support and asked him what size he was interested in!"
"It is infuriating." —candacel3
21. "I work and have worked in almost every aspect of the car business — sales, service, and accounting. I was looking for a new car, had done the research, and was ready to sign. I went to a store that had the exact car I wanted in stock. They decided I wasn’t a serious buyer because my husband didn’t come with me and refused to show me the car I wanted. The sales guy actually said, 'When you're ready to buy, bring in your husband, we’ll figure it all out for you. You shouldn’t have to worry about the man things.'"
"Excuse me, asshat? I looked at him straight in the eyes and said, 'No. If you had taken a moment to actually talk to me about what I do or realize anything other than the fact I’m a woman, you would have realized you fucked up.'" —fallenangel101
22. "I am not affected by caffeine and my husband is. I order regular coffee and my husband prefers decaf. Almost every time, the server gives him the regular coffee and me the decaf."
"The server who gets it right gets an extra smile with my thank you." —jan9
23. "We had hired a painter to paint our bathroom, and I'd sent every email and communicated exclusively with the painter. He’d had no contact with my husband. When he got to my house, I would ask him a question and he’d look at my husband to tell him the answer. He did this about five times before I fired him."
"I grew up flipping houses with my dad. He did 99% of the work on his own and tried to teach me how to repair pretty much anything in a house. I can do basic plumbing, change out an outlet, patch drywall, etc. Anything that is likely to break in a house, I can fix.
For this reason, I’m in charge of all home renovation projects that my husband and I take on. I made the mistake of starting the bathroom remodel when I was 6 months pregnant (weird nesting instinct) and realized I couldn’t paint the ceiling of my bathroom without horrible back pain. So we decided to hire a painter." —kelzbelz313
24. "My director, who ran our entire department globally, had gone to meet with vendors in Australia and took one of her people with her — who happened to be a man. One vendor literally waited until she went to the bathroom and started talking to the colleague about the expansion."
"He was a smart man, so he straight-up waited until she got back and made a pointed statement that the guy should be talking to the director and not him. Needless to say, they did not get the contract." —maggiem45481cd39
25. "I went to a doctor to have my broken ankle repaired after a bad surgery, and my dad was the only one available to drive me. The doctor acted like I wasn’t even there, directing comments and questions to my dad, who finally went, 'It’s her broken ankle, man, ask her.'"
"Mind you, I was almost 30 and married, and the doctor knew both of those things." —laurenmwag
26. "At our old flat, I was the one paying 100% of the rent. But any letters from our landlord were addressed to either only my boyfriend or the both of us but with his name first."
"My name even comes first alphabetically, so they didn't have that excuse!" —buddleia
27. "I sell electronics for a living. I’ll be clearly wearing my uniform, and a man will come up to me and ask if I can get a guy to help him. Sir, I’m the number one salesperson in my store. But sure, let me get you someone less competent."
"And the amount of men who tell me they’re just going to be using their new TV to watch porn is appalling. None of my male coworkers have gotten the joy of dealing with that. 🙄" —tarabell
28. "I’m a pilot and flew my boyfriend to get lunch. I sat in the left seat, typically the captain's seat, and my boyfriend sat on the right. As I parked, the gentleman approached my boyfriend, asking what services he needed. He said, 'I have no idea, she’s the pilot.'"
"Now I fly private jets, and I’m constantly mistaken as the flight attendant. When telling people I’m a pilot after they ask what I do, I’ve been asked, 'Do you mean flight attendant?'" —williamskoch89
29. "When I was younger, a phone company kept calling for my dad to switch to them. He worked a lot, so my mom kept getting these calls, and they would not speak to her."
"It was almost daily for a month. Finally, after arguing many times over the phone with the company, she put the blender on when they called." —melissan412a889fe
30. "In college, I went into the Apple store to get a new laptop that I’d saved up for. My mom was visiting that weekend, so she came with me. The sales rep said it came with a printer, but the wireless one would be more expensive. Before I could reply, he said, 'As long as we are spending Daddy’s money, we might as well go for the wireless.'"
"My mom and I agreed to leave and go to a different Apple store to give someone else the sale. She told him as much when we left, and why." —belleyre
31. "When my sister got married, she added her husband to her Verizon account. A few months later, she went into the store to change something, and they wouldn’t let her because she was no longer the primary user on the account."
"They had made her husband the primary, and he had to authorize changes to HER account." —rachelg44ec195c4