If you don't present as a man, then you probably know all about how frustrating it is to be ignored by the person (typically, another man) you're speaking to. Especially when that person ignores you to speak to a man you're with instead. And especially when the man they're speaking to isn't even relevant to the conversation!
Well, Redditor u/teacherspet5859438e recently decided to ask women, "What is your 'I am the client, not my husband, stop ignoring me' story?"
In response, they received *way too many* stories of women being overlooked or downright ignored by men who apparently only want to talk to another man. So here are some of the most infuriating ones:
1. "I'm an Army veteran. My debit card is with a military-affiliated bank. Every time I pay for dinner at a restaurant, they bring it back, set it in front of my husband, and thank him for his service."
"My husband was never in the military. The card has my name on it, and sometimes, they even have watched me pull it out of my bag!
I have also been by myself somewhere, paid for something with the card, and had the person who sees the card look at me and say, 'Oh, was your husband or dad in the military?' Um, no. No, they were not. I was. Thank you." —u/TheLinkToYourZelda
2. "When I had my appendix taken out, I asked my doctor when sex would be okay again. He turned to my husband and said, 'Whenever you feel ready, you can begin sexual relations again.'"
"I don’t know if he was uncomfortable talking to me about it or was deferring to what my husband would prefer. Either way, it was strange." —u/DundieAwardWinner525
3. "I’m a female business owner with a male business partner. I’ve had a few customers and reps born in the Dark Ages who ask to 'speak to my boss.'"
"The worst was a guy who snapped his fingers and told me to 'put the kettle on, girly.' Needless to say, he didn’t get his cuppa, and he certainly didn’t get the discount he asked for." —u/Blondeinsideandout
4. "He wasn't my husband, not even my boyfriend, but a guy friend I happened to have around when a carpenter came to fix something in MY home."
"I welcomed the joiner in and started talking to him about the issue. Then, he saw my friend and did a 180° to talk to him. He literally turned his back on me while I was mid-sentence. In MY home." —u/autumnrenarde
5. "I was trying to collect a parcel from the post office that was addressed to both me and my husband. They told me that my husband had to come to collect it. I asked whether they meant both of us had to be there, and the response was no, just him."
"Needless to say, I was not happy. After a while of arguing, they gave me the parcel." —u/CH9791
6. "When my husband and I were looking for our first house, he had just graduated and still had student debt. I had been practicing law and had $20k saved for the downpayment. The real estate agent only spoke to him, even if I asked the questions."
"In one house, we went to look at the basement, and the guy said, 'You don't want to go there. It has spiders.' I told my husband that I wouldn't ever buy a house from him.
Later, the guy ran for office, and I told everyone the story, including a woman that called me randomly to promote his candidacy. Turns out, she was his mother. It's a small thing but indicative of his attitude toward 'the fairer sex.'" —u/defenselaywer
7. "I took my colleague out to lunch. When the bill came around, the waitress gave it to him because she assumed he would be paying."
"He wasn’t a subordinate, he was at the same level as me. However, I was given a company card, and he wasn’t due to the nature of our jobs. He graciously grabbed the bill and gave it to me, saying, 'She’s the boss.' Smart move: It made me feel validated, and he got a free lunch." —u/leafypaq
8. "One time, I described my car problem to the desk guy at the auto shop as a 'clicking' when I turned the key and asked if they'd check the timing belt. He said I'd have to leave my car there, so my husband arrived 10 minutes later to pick me up. The mechanic came out and asked him what was going on with the car, never looking at me."
"I finally asked if he'd checked the timing belts as I'd asked the guy at the desk to do. He had not. Gotta say, mad turned to cocky when it turned out to be the timing belt. This happens a lot with auto repair." —u/moinatx
9. "When my parents and I went to look at colleges, the admissions guy opened by shaking my dad's hand, constantly directed questions at my dad, and would look to him for confirmation whenever my mom said something."
"My mom is defacto the money person of our family unit. She manages the family finances and investments, and she was way, way, way more qualified to comment on things like student loans or expected contribution. When we left that meeting, she was absolutely furious that she had to basically fight the admissions person to have a normal conversation." —u/Rhodehouse93
10. "I have a chronic pain disease that runs in the family. I noticed that my father and male relatives have no problems securing pain meds, but my doctors would never give me any — despite me clearly indicating how much pain I was in."
"So I started bringing either my father or my husband to my medical appointments (which is hugely intrusive), would have them repeat how much pain I was in, and low and behold, suddenly I get pain medication." —u/flagrantgrouch
11. "When I was shopping for a car, the salesmen at every dealership kept talking to my husband instead of me — even though I was the one who contacted the dealerships and made sure to introduce myself first."
"My husband got sick of it and started telling them, 'Don’t talk to me, it’s not my car. Talk to her.' I wound up buying from a saleswoman who treated us equally — until she pretty quickly figured out my husband was not involved whatsoever in the decision." —u/Dakizo
12. "I once caught some hunters trespassing on my property. I wasn’t rude to them at all, I just waved from the other side of the field. The next day, they show up at my house. One gestures towards the police car in the driveway and asks to speak to my husband about hunting in our woods."
"I was like, 'You can talk to him if you want, but that’s my cruiser, and this is my land, not his.' They still insisted on getting permission from my husband." —u/Moleypeg
13. "At work, I was meeting a new vendor ('Pat') that was to be servicing one of the facility systems I oversee. Pat had already met the facilities engineer (also a man), who was introducing me to Pat. Instead of talking directly to me, Pat shook my hand, turned to my coworker, and asked him, 'And what does she do here?'"
"A few weeks later, Pat had the unpleasant opportunity to learn that I’m the one who calls him when his company falls through and doesn’t deliver. Needless to say, I was not overly polite about it when Pat failed to do his job." —u/mchla
14. "My husband and I wanted a fence around our house. A man came over to give an estimate during a workday. I was ready to sign the papers, and he said, 'I’d rather talk to your husband about the numbers and get his signature since he will be the one paying for it.' I asked him to leave my property and never come back."
"I have always worked from home, and my husband has always worked in a field where he cannot take time to meet with contractors, etc. He and I agree on terms upfront, and then I make decisions from there. It doesn’t matter in life, but for this story it does: I make more than my husband. For the fence, we had already agreed on this company based on various factors, and the estimate had ended up being less than we expected to pay." —u/Diligent-Reaction-23
15. "I made an appointment for taxes and communicated in advance of that appointment. I was a new 1099 worker and had a lot of questions. Every time I asked one, the accountant addressed my husband."
"My husband has always worked a W-2 job, had very few questions, and does not take care of our finances. All of the paperwork was under his name, and the accountant only addressed him in e-mails. Fuck that guy." —u/_Dandy_
16. "We were buying a new mattress. It was a joint decision for the feel of it, but my decision for the price-point and warranty because I was paying for it. I noticed the salesperson talking to my husband more than to me (the one with the money), but I'm used to it. Then, my husband wandered away as if he'd never seen a furniture store before."
"Weird, but okay. He came back and said, 'Hey, can I have some money? I'm going to go check out the *insert dumb little decorative thing.*' I was weirded out because I have never seen him care about even a lamp enough to go examine it on his own. But I said sure and handed him some cash.
The salesman IMMEDIATELY stopped paying attention to my husband. Suddenly, in his mind, I was wearing the pants. He started asking me what I did for a living and whatnot, and I was able to negotiate for a slightly lower price. I love my husband so much. He knew exactly what he was doing." —u/HansGruberHangover
17. "When I was a baby, I wouldn't 'latch on' when my mother breastfed me, so I wasn't eating well. The doctor completely ignored my mom and only talked to my dad because she was 'too hysterical.'"
"He was on the verge of finding out what that looked like." —u/TheHitListz
18. "We wanted to replace our roof and had found a company that was running a promotion. I called and scheduled for someone to come out for a quote. I was able to answer all of his questions, but he refused to give me a quote without my husband present (with some 'sign before we leave for best price' excuse). He was intent on driving back over the following day when my husband would be home."
"I called their main office shortly after he left and told them that I wasn't interested in any high-pressure sales tactics, I just wanted a quote, and if they wouldn't give that to me, the one who would be paying for it, then to not bother coming back out. I didn't see them again. The three other roofing companies I contacted had no problem dealing solely with me." —u/chases_squirrels
19. "I was at Best Buy getting some PC components because my friend asked me to help update his motherboard and processor. The first employee was respectful and sent for someone with keys to get the parts for me. The guy with the keys kept asking my friend what he wanted. And when I would have to answer, he would ask me twice and sometimes three times if I was sure about it."
"Yes. I’m sure. I have a computer science degree. Give me the processor." —u/blb6798
20. "We took my daughter to urgent care for stitches. My husband is holding her, and I check her in at the front desk iPad. The front desk man looks at my husband and asks for the insurance card. We’re on my insurance, so I hand him the card. Next, he tells my husband the copay — looking at him behind me — when I’m the one standing at the damn desk."
"I pull out my card, with my name on it, and pay. Asshole." —u/Fire-Kissed
21. "When I was buying my house, I took my boyfriend with me to the viewing. The realtor mostly talked to him and even ended up calling him with bids on a house. Yes, the house I purchased all on my own and is mine."
"I don't take myself too seriously, and I'm not easy to upset or embarrass, so I didn't really care, I was riding high on a wave of winning a bidding war." —u/CybermanCat
22. "I was invited to a weekend away with a supplier to launch their new range, and my husband came with me. On the 'order day,' the supplier's financial manager came up to my husband and asked him what he thinks about the new range and what he is considering buying."
"My husband replied very dryly that he is only the plus-one, and that he must speak to me seeing that I am the one with the chequebook." —u/celesteb4
23. "We had our backyard completely relandscaped. When the landscaper came over for the estimate, he almost exclusively addressed my husband — even though I'd made it clear I was the one doing the designing and knew what I wanted to be done. Afterward, when I paid him, he kept looking behind me for my husband."
"He almost didn't give me the aftercare instructions for the new sod, saying he wanted to make sure it was done right so he'd email them to my husband. I finally snapped, 'Give me the damn piece of paper, Bruce! I'm the one who will be home during the day to do the damn thing!' (I worked nights at the time.)
He reluctantly handed it over and called my husband the next day to make sure the lawn got watered. My husband told him, 'You'd have to ask her, Bruce. She told you she'd do the damn thing,' and hung up. I had, indeed, done the damn thing." —u/JazzberryJimJam
24. "Oh, comic cons. I’ve learned to just tell men that I’m not that into comics when they try to ask me what I’m into. Otherwise, half the time, it turns into an interrogation where they try to prove I’m 'not a true comic fan.'"
"I’m a comic book artist." —u/dragkingbaby
25. "My old teacher, a woman, told me a story about a cold caller in the '80s or '90s. He phoned asking to speak to the man of the house about changing suppliers for something. My teacher told him that her husband was away on a business trip and to call back the next day."
"He called the next day, again asking for the man of the house. She informed him that her husband had been delayed and to call back the next day. He called the next day, and she informed him that due to bad weather, his flight had been delayed until later on that night, so please call back the next day.
He again called the next day, and she put her husband on. The man asked about changing to his company's service. The husband informed him that his wife dealt with all the bills and asked that he please talk to her. My teacher took the phone, said, 'No, thank you,' and hung up." —u/ireadvogonpoetry
26. "I'm a female Marine Corps veteran. I have 'Marine Veteran' license plates on my car. When I got a speeding ticket a few years ago, I showed the highway patrolman my registration and USAA insurance. He — no shit — was surprised and said, 'Oh, the car is registered to you?!'"
27. "We were buying a car for me. Because we were paying for it outright but financing the minimum amount, we had to sit in the salesman's office for an inordinately long time answering questions. The salesman — who was great in every other way — would ask my husband the questions. My husband pointed at me and said, 'I don't know, it's her car.' The salesman said, 'Of course, but we all know how it goes, right?' and kept asking him."
"We both wanted to get the paperwork signed and get the hell out of there with the car, but we were also on the same wavelength wondering how far we could go with this. So, the salesman would ask my husband a question. My husband would blatantly turn to me and repeat the question. I would answer him, then he would turn back to the salesman and repeat exactly what I'd said. The dude never got the idea that maybe he could just ask me the questions.
We bought my husband a car later and put both of our names on the paperwork. When we had to sign, the finance guy saw that my last name was different and asked when we were getting married. He was confused when we said, 'Er, eight years ago?'" —u/AugustaScarlett
28. "I ordered a grill from Lowe’s for curbside pickup and called my best friend with a truck (who is male) to drive. The Lowe’s dude took forever before coming outside MULTIPLE TIMES to let my friend know the grill is missing, give him status updates, and apologize."
"The whole time, he's looking my friend in the face and ignoring me. Every single time, my friend says, 'Talk to her. I’m just the ride.' Women are allowed to make purchases. We like food, too. Friend earned major additional kudos that day for calling out the Lowe’s dude’s sexism." —u/GirlsLikeStatus
29. "I work on male-skewing TV shows, and a lot of my colleagues are male. I'm the showrunner, and I direct the shows. We hire local drone operators, so when we meet our drone team, I give them an overview of what we're looking for in the shot. Conservatively, 75% of the time, follow up questions will be directed to my male colleagues."
"We hire local drone operators across the US and globally. No matter where we go, it happens. My colleagues are now in the habit of just staring back in response, letting it get real awkward, and then saying, 'Ask her.'" —u/monkeysatemybarf
30. "My parents were looking to get solar panels and invited several people over for quotes. This one salesperson kept looking only at my dad, responding only to his questions and not my mom's, and only addressed my dad with the quote. My mom stood her ground and said that even if his offer was the lowest, they would not be choosing him."
"My mom is very anti-confrontational, so I was really proud of her. Another time, I was helping my mom book plane tickets online for both my parents. Even though she filled her name in first, the online system suggested that my dad would be the 'main booker'. My mom booked her tickets elsewhere." —u/Worried-Smile
31. "When we were having our house built, the lady helping us kept saying that the house would have WiFi on all three floors. We asked to have ethernet cables run to certain rooms, and she laughed and said, 'Well, he can have one run to his office, but you'll be fine with WiFi.'"
"I was like, 'No, I would like one as well.' We both play games online, sometimes MMOs, and wanted hard lines run. She just couldn't understand why a woman would need anything other than WiFi. It made me angry for her to make the assumptions.
My husband is awesome and regularly tells contractors to speak to me about things. My dad was a machinist, my mom worked for a tool company. So my husband handles the car, and I handle the house — divide and conquer. 😁It's so frustrating when people assume I don't know anything about repairs or tools. I'm just glad my husband is very supportive and knows I am capable of doing things." —u/Lillith84
32. "I was trying to buy a TV, and my boyfriend came along to help carry the box. Every time I asked a question, the employee would answer by turning to my boyfriend and talking to him. Even when my boyfriend said stuff like, 'I don't know, it’s her TV,' the employee still faced and made eye contact only with him."
"I was getting pretty irritated. The last straw was when I was handing him MY credit card, and he turns to my boyfriend to ask if he wants the two-year warranty. Finally, I snapped at him, 'IT'S NOT HIS TV! I AM BUYING THIS TV! STOP TRYING TO SELL IT TO HIM!' I was pissed, and it was the most irritating and sexist customer service I’ve ever experienced." —u/QueenBumbleBrii