If "Sex And The City" Were Actually Set In London
"Maybe Aidan wasn't the one. Maybe he was just my rail replacement Big service."
1. Samantha would work for an "agency" in Farringdon, and no one would be quite sure what that meant.
2. She'd make enough money to live on her own, but she'd be stuck out in Homerton as a result of it.
3. And she'd always be running late to weekend brunches with the girls because of planned engineering works on the overground.
4. Charlotte's parents would buy her a flat in Fulham. Her friends would be incredibly jealous.
5. Every time the foursome met for brunch, Carrie would Instagram her avocado on toast.
7. And Miranda would roll her eyes.
8. Occasionally, the foursome would take a long lunch break and meet up for a cheeky Nando's.
9. Samantha would get the extra extra hot peri peri sauce.
10. Carrie would live in a Zone 3 flatshare, because what kind of columnist can afford their own place?
11. Her flatmates wouldn't mind that she stored her Vogues in the oven, because the landlord wouldn't have fixed it the last time it broke.
12. She'd write an online sex column for the Metro's website.
13. Its main traffic would come from Twitter hate shares.
14. Instead of getting commissioned by Vogue, she'd be asked to write a sex Q&A for the Debrief.
15. Its main traffic would come from Twitter hate shares.
16. And instead of getting a book deal, she'd self publish an Amazon eBook.
17. No one would download it.
18. Miranda would live with other lawyers in London Bridge, so she could get to work in Canary Wharf quickly.
19. She wouldn't be able to afford a housekeeper, but her housemates would all chip for a cleaner three times a week.
20. The cleaner wouldn't be the least bit phased by her vibrator.
21. Instead of meeting in wine bars after work, they girls would just go to the pub.
22. And instead of Cosmos, they'd order wine.
23. Lots of wine.
24. Charlotte would be sensible and order a spritzer.
25. Carrie and Big would drunkenly hook up after a mate's house party, and she'd end up at his because she couldn't face getting the night bus alone.
26. He'd go on to waste an awful lot of money getting Ubers to wait outside Carrie's flat.
27. Their first big fight wouldn't be because he was still seeing other people. It'd be because he hadn't deleted Tinder.
28. When Big got offered a job in New York, he wouldn't invite Carrie.
29. That's how they'd break up the first time.
30. And that's how he'd meet Courtney, a screechy 20-something American.
31. Carrie would obsessively Facebook stalk her, which would be easy because, being American, she'd check in everywhere on Foursquare.
32. Miranda would meet Steve in an All Bar One after work one night.
33. He'd serve her a tepid glass of Chardonnay.
34. Samantha wouldn't approach men in bars, because talking to strangers isn't what we do.
35. Instead, she'd get Tinder.
36. And employ a right-swipe-for-everyone policy.
37. She'd even right swipe dick pics.
38. Charlotte would set up an OKCupid profile in an effort to find a husband.
39. Her first online date would be at an All Star Lanes.
40. He wouldn't look anything like his profile picture.
41. Carrie and Miranda would treat themselves to 2-4-1 iced buns from Gregg's instead of cupcakes from Magnolia's Bakery.
42. Carrie wouldn't be able to afford Manolo Blahniks. Instead, she'd get really good at knowing when the Office sale is on.
43. Carrie would meet Aidan at a furniture sale in Stoke Newington.
44. He'd have a man bun.
45. He'd buy her coffee somewhere where she'd have to choose the blend.
46. This would impress her.
47. Aidan's dog Pete would have his own Instagram profile.
48. Aidan would take Carrie on a date to a dog friendly pub by the river.
49. Carrie would hate it.
50. Aidan would take Carrie on a weekend break to his parents' place in Suffolk.
51. Carrie would hate it.
52. Aidan and Carrie would go for a drink at Gordon's Wine Bar and inevitably run into Big.
53. Aidan would spend his entire family's savings on buying Carrie's one-bed flat.
54. And even though she still wouldn't love him, Carrie would never leave because who says no when someone buys you a flat?
55. Charlotte and Trey would fall in love on the underground.
56. He'd give up his seat for her.
57. And within a month, she'd move into his Sloane Square mansion.
58. They'd get married in Hampton Court Palace.
59. And from then on, she'd spend every Sunday preparing a roast for Bunny's visit.
60. She'd really perfect the art of making a Yorkshire pudding.
61. But it wouldn't work out, and she'd end up meeting Harry on JDate.
62. She'd set up a Pinterest board for their shared home.
63. Instead of Tivo-ing Jules And Mimi, Miranda would watch Bake Off on catch up.
64. And she'd order a Chinese from JustEat so the staff at her favourite place wouldn't know how often she ate there.
65. When Charlotte found out, she'd encourage Miranda to join her on a juice cleanse.
66. And then they'd sign up for a 10k run in Regent's Park.
67. Samantha would bag herself a date with the Tesco checkout guy by making a joke about unexpected items in the bagging area.
68. Berger would break up with Carrie by WhatsApp.
69. He'd use this emoji:😜.
70. The girls would analyse its meaning for days.
71. They'd celebrate Charlotte's birthday in Brighton.
72. And get the MegaBus.
73. Miranda would pack Percy Pigs for the journey.
74. Samantha would meet Smith at a trendy new cereal cafe he works at.
75. Instead of becoming the Absolut Vodka guy, he'd replace David Gandy as the M&S boxer guy.
76. Samantha would run into Geri Halliwell on the street, and try to blag her way into Shoreditch House.
77. But it wouldn't work out, and she'd have to brave the crowds at London Fields lido.
78. Carrie's birthday would be a disaster because the girls would have to queue for hours outside one of east London's no-reservations restaurants.
79. And the overground would be cancelled, so Samantha would be running late on a rail replacement bus service.
80. Carrie would employ Miranda to sort out her self-assessment tax return every January, to avoid having to call HMRC.
81. In order to introduce a bit of spice into their relationship, Harry would take Charlotte to Curry Club at Spoons.
82. They'd both get food poisoning.
83. After the opera, Carrie would take Aleksander Petrovsky to Chicken Cottage.
84. He'd get five wings.
85. Samantha would refuse to give her seat on the tube to a pregnant lady because IT'S HER CHOICE.
86. She'd also get mad at Miranda the first time she posted baby photos of Brady on Facebook.
87. Instead of moaning about getting a boat to Statten Island for a party, the girls would moan about going south of the river.
88. Carrie would stalk all of her potential dates on LinkedIn.
89. Charlotte and Harry would announce their engagement in the classified section of the Times, à la Cumberbatch.
90. Their engagement party photos would be featured in Tatler's Bystander.
91. Carrie would stop smoking, but start vaping.
92. Instead of being sent a wedding dress by Vivienne Westwood, Carrie would pick something up at a wedding fair in the Excel Conference Centre.
93. When Miranda decided to start a family, she'd have to move to Streatham.
94. Instead of Elizabeth Taylor, Charlotte would idolise Kate Middleton.
95. And she'd dress exclusively in Whistles dresses.
96. After Steve cheated on her, Miranda would agree to meet him at Covent Garden station.
97. But they wouldn't get back together because they'd never find each other.