1. First of all, girls love you
No, they REALLY love you
2. Heck, even guys love you
3. Cause you just have that way with people
4. So your fans become a little confused
5. Cause you try to be all polite and innocent
6. Even though you’re secretely confident
7. Really, really confident
8. Cause you know damn well what the public wants
10. Aside from that, you were also a Mouseketeer
11. Making you a 90s teen heartthrob
12. And a 00’s heartthrob
13. And a 2010’s heartthrob
14. Did I mention you were a demigod?
15. And the best thing to come from Canada
16. Proving that everyone wants a piece of you
17. Even the Backstreet Boys wanted a piece of you
(Ryan Gosling was offered the chance to audition for The Backstreet Boys, but he declined the opportunity)
18. You’re also better than chocolate, apparently
19. And you have a way with words
20. Making it impossible for the world to get enough of you, even in pancake-formation
21. So you give us an ultimatum
22. Yeah, like we’d ever be that stupid
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