First of all, girls love you
No, they REALLY love you
Heck, even guys love you
Cause you just have that way with people
So your fans become a little confused
Cause you try to be all polite and innocent
Even though you're secretely confident
Really, really confident
Cause you know damn well what the public wants
Aside from that, you were also a Mouseketeer
Making you a 90s teen heartthrob
And a 00's heartthrob
And a 2010's heartthrob
Did I mention you were a demigod?
And the best thing to come from Canada
Proving that everyone wants a piece of you
Even the Backstreet Boys wanted a piece of you
(Ryan Gosling was offered the chance to audition for The Backstreet Boys, but he declined the opportunity)
You're also better than chocolate, apparently
And you have a way with words
Making it impossible for the world to get enough of you, even in pancake-formation
So you give us an ultimatum
Yeah, like we'd ever be that stupid
