49 Thoughts Everyone Has At Chipotle

BURRITOS, Y’ALL.

1. How can the line seriously be this long every day?
2. I hope my favorite Chipotle worker is there. You know, THE GENEROUS ONE.
3. I wish there was an express line for Chipotle frequent flyers.
4. Maybe I’ll try something new.
5. Nah. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t like it as much as my classic order.
6. It doesn’t even matter as long as my burrito weighs as much as a newborn baby at the end of this.
7. OK. Brace yourself. Don’t screw up and hold back the line.
8. Wait. What the hell is barbacoa again?

9. Come on, man. Who the hell orders tacos?
10. WHY ARE THERE EVEN TACOS ON THE MENU?
11. Sir, do you want three measly pieces of steak on those tacos or do you want A WHOLE COW IN YOUR BURRITO BOWL?
12. Brown rice is healthy. Getting brown rice is the same thing as running a 5k.
13. Why can I never remember which is the kind of bean I like?
14. Seriously. Do I want black or pinto? I don’t want to screw up this decision but I honestly don’t know if I’m having a black or pinto kind of day.
15. No, I don’t want the fajita vegetables. No one wants the fajita vegetables.
16. Will this guy judge me if I get triple meat?
17. There goes my burrito down the line — it’s never leaving my sight.

18. I want all the salsas. Can you give me all the salsas?
19. Please replace that grody bottom-guac with a new one before I get up there.
20. Why the hell do they charge extra for guac anyway? It’s literally just squished up avocado. BUT IT’S SO GOOD.
21. Why do I always have to ask for extra lettuce? It’s lettuce. Why are you being stingy with lettuce?
22. Is this person judging me for my burrito choices?
23. Look at all that cheese.
24. Why are they so generous with the cheese? Can they tell this is the main thing I really care about?
25. *drools*
26. Damn, that scoop of sour cream was the size of a soft ball.
27. Wait. Is it too late to get more cheese?
28. The luckiest day is when they have to double wrap the burrito. TWO TORTILLAS, Y’ALL.

29. I bet it would be kind of sexy to work at Chipotle. Look at how seamlessly the employees interact. It’s like a dance.
30. Hmm. This sort of counts as a healthy lunch, right? RIGHT?! (I know it doesn’t, but just let me have this.)
31. If I mention Taco Bell’s Quesarito I think these employees will murder me.
32. Should I be the type of person who gets a margarita at Chipotle?
33. Maybe not. Margaritas are the ultimate line killer.
34. Should I get chips? No. Should I get chips? No. It’s too many! Why is there no small bag of chips for one normal human?
35. I want chips.
36. But it’s impossible to get the chips and not get even more guac.
37. I’m throwing my life savings away on guac, and I don’t even care.
38. At least it’s a well-lived life.

39. OK, have your credit card ready. You got this.
40. Why do I get more stressed out about this quick payment thing at Chipotle than any other fast food place?
41. Phew.
42. Woah, they didn’t hear me ask for a drink. Should I rep — OK, well I guess I’m not getting a drink.
43. NO, I DON’T NEED A RECEIPT. I’M SORRY. I JUST WANT TO EAT MY BURRITO.
44. THIS THING IS THE SIZE OF MY TORSO.
45. Maybe I can save half of this for a snack later.
46. JK, I’m eating this all until I feel ill.
47. At least it’s a *good* kind of ill.
48. But now I’m sad that it’s over.
49. Maybe I’ll get Chipotle tomorrow.

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