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If "You've Got Mail" Had Been Set In 2016

It would probably be called You've Got a Notification.

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1. First of all Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks wouldn't have been on AOL.

2. And they definitely wouldn't have met on a chatroom.

3. Instead they might have met on Twitter, because that's a legitimate place to anonymously meet people in 2016.

4. So the movie would probably have been called You've Got a Notification.

5. Which is honestly absolutely terrible as a concept.

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6. After sliding into one another's DMs and chatting for a few days on Twitter, Meg and Tom would have moved onto WhatsApp rather than email.

7. So half the movie would involve both of them worrying about "WhatApp politics".

8. Like panicking about blue ticks.

9. And worrying what the acceptable amount of emojis is.

10. All the tense scenes where they wait for dial up to work on their laptop would be eradicated.

11. Because they'd do all their "online chatting" on their phones.

12. So most of the film would be pretty dull scenes of the two characters lying in their beds, occasionally dropping their phones on their faces.

13. And there would be no rushing home to see if they've "got mail".

14. Because they'd get notifications all the time anyway.

15. So their respective partners would definitely have noticed their constant messaging.

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16. Meg Ryan would still work at her little independent bookshop.

17. In fact the local independent bookshop would probably be doing rather well, because everyone is tired of soulless massive bookshops.

18. And a Facebook campaign and Twitter hashtag would be set up to save the store.

19. Tom Hanks wouldn't be running a chain of book superstores, but would probably work for Amazon.

20. So the drama in the movie would be about him trying to open an Amazon Books near her store.

21. She would probably end up closing her store due to upped rents rather than sales.

22. And the movie would probably be set in Seattle where the Amazon offices are, rather than New York.

23. So they'd probably talk about coffee even more.

24. And half the bloody film would be set in a Starbucks.

25. Meg's boyfriend would write all his articles on Medium, rather than getting paid huge amounts of money for one article.

26. So they definitely wouldn't be able to afford to live in that ridiculously nice Manhattan brownstone apartment.

27. And they'd probably be living with a other people in a slightly grim shared apartment.

28. Instead of "cyber sex" Meg Ryan's friends would be asking if Tom sent dick pics.

29. Her friends would have certainly spent an evening trying to stalk Tom, after discovering that she was talking to a man a lot online.

30. And after using their excellent googling skills they'd probably have found his Facebook.

31. And Instagram.

32. And LinkedIn.

33. So Meg would have known who he actually was as soon as she bumped into him after first meeting.

34. AND she'd certainly have known that he worked for the rival company.

35. In fact, if it was set in 2016, they probably wouldn't have ultimately got together.

36. Because Tom Hanks lies about his identity online for quite a lot of the movie, and that behaviour probably counts as catfishing.

37. And to be honest, that's no way to start a relationship.

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