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when I was in secondary school a boy was very depressed and contemplating suicide. I demanded to talk him out of it face-to-face and did, and then he asked to take me on a date. we're still together.
this only happened a couple of days ago, but a friend of mine works in the film industry and invited Helena bonham Carter to a party she was throwing. needless to say, she turned up, carrying a selfridges bag. i was too shy to talk to her.
so when I still lived with my parents I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom masturbating after my shower. it was about midnight and my mum stumbled in half-asleep only to see me stark-naked and completely caught in the act. she stumbled out without saying anything and mentioned…Â
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