1. Aight, here I am again. If you don't already know, I watched the Season 8 premiere knowing nothing about this show.
2. I still know nothing. And yes, I'm still missing out and you're all better than me.
3. TBH, I skipped the second episode in this season 'cause I heard there wasn't any action. Sue me.
4. I'm only here 'cause I heard lots of people are dying in this episode and I hate feeling left out of the memes.
5. It's starting. Better turn the brightness on my computer all the way up 'cause I can already tell they lit this with an iPhone flashlight.
6. I guess some war is gonna happen 'cause everyone seems stressed. Same.
7. Here comes Bran flakes again with his staring. GET A HOBBY YOU KELLOGG'S REJECT!
8. If we're all supposed to like Bran now let me know, 'cause I don't see it yet.
9. We're five minutes in and nothing has been said. The sound of me eating my Cool Ranch Doritos is more jarring than ever.
10. I see my shaved head hottie is back and ready to kill with his good looks!
11. Is that a white dog?
12. Even the dogs are white in this show? OK.
13. Oh, it's probably a wolf, huh? I'm glad Taylor Lautner is still getting work.
14. Damn we got witches in this show? Starting fires? I'm mad I don't know who this queen is.
15. She just blessed this show with SOME lighting. Give her the Throne.
16. Wait I just spotted a new shaved head hottie. He's already made me forget about the other one.
17. I changed my mind, just give me both. I'm greedy.
18. IDK who these people are charging after but I hope that fire is magical 'cause I can already tell y'all are gonna DIEEEE.
19. Why isn't Daenerys just wiping out the other army with her dragons instead of standing on Pride Rock lookin' like Mufasa telling Simba 'bout the shadow place?
20. I think the darkness just swallowed all those people up. We stan a goth enemy.
21. This turned into Season 304 of the The Walking Dead REAL fast.
22. I feel like some important people are probably dead now but I can't tell 'cause the show took the word "night" way too seriously.
23. OH THERE'S THE DAMN DRAGONS! Way to come in five minutes after people already got their intestines ripped out.
24. "Stick them with the pointy end" is sound knife advice. Wish I could of thought of that myself.
25. I really hope that one book thief who Daenerys fucked over doesn't die today. He deserves a Beauty and the Beast-like village where he can read in peace!
26. I feel like an important person just died. He looks like his name was Kashton or something. Let's go with that.
27. Where are The Avengers when you need 'em?
28. Bran is up to no good can a dragon just eat him already.
29. This village army doesn't seem very prepared for this. Was there no dress rehearsal? Did no one know people could come back to life?
30. Oh shit, this witch is more powerful than the dragons. It's lit.
31. SANSA AND PETER WERE MARRIED?!! Does this mean they're siblings, 'cause I know how y'all do on this here show.
32. I'm changing the name on my license to "The Dragon Queen."
33. Bran is like one of those sad "artsy" dudes who tells you that you suck because you listened to a Katy Perry song and liked it.
34. He also likes to claim he's "different" and "weird" because he can roll his eyes back. Like who can't, BRAN?!
35. Undead Darth Maul is fashionably late to his own battle.
36. These zombies are sacrificing themselves to get in. Even my undead ass would never.
37. The Night King has his own dragon, eh? You got your zombie army offing themselves to get in when you can just swoop in and blow the village up with your hell flame?
38. I swear to god these people with dragons don't use 'em to their full potential.
39. Did you guys know zombies can crawl up walls like Spider-Man? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't.
40. The writers are really trying to convince me that Sam (I figured out his name) will die and I'm sick of this emotional roller coaster!
41. OMG, the girl with the half-up half-down hair is giving us the fight sequence we deserve!
42. I just googled her so y'all won't yell at me. Her name is Arya.
43. My dude Clegane is over here having a panic attack and I, for once, see myself represented in this show.
44. Oh wow they just gonna take that lil' girl out with one smack to the head by a scarecrow?! Just like that?! THE DISLOYALTY!
45. Clegane still won't move. He's gonna die.
46. Wait the girl is alive. What is happening?
47. Nevermind, her bones just got crushed. Fuck. This. Show.
48. OMG she martyred herself!!!!!! Give her dead body the Throne.
49. Oh look it's Daenerys up in the air on her joyride. Forgot she existed.
50. I honestly can't tell what's happening anymore but I'm just scared Arya is gonna get herself killed.
51. Another main character just died, probably. I can tell 'cause the music is dramatic as hell. Let's call him Kyro.
52. I said it last time and I'll say it again, if someone has blue eyes, run in the other direction. I don't care if it's your mom, don't trust her.
53. "What do we say to the God of Death?" "Not today." YES GIRL. This is the GOT version of, "Not today, Satan" and I live for it.
54. Here's Bran again, being alive. 🙄
55. That blue flame from the dragon is a vibe.
56. The Night King ain't all that when he's off his dragon.
57. LMAO girl, that fire isn't gonna hurt him, I could have told you that.
58. Jon is gonna fuck this up. He just saw NK's ass get lit up by a dragon and survive — but you wanna charge at him from two miles away with your sword?
59. Ohhhh, the undead army is made up of formerly dead people!! LMAO, I'm such an idiot.
60. Oh shit, the martyr came back to life! LIGHT HER ASS UP WITH A FLAMING ARROW!
61. NO DON'T KILL MY DRAGON CHILD!!! ANYONE BUT THE DRAGON!! KILL JON AND DAENERYS! KILL THE VILLAGE IF YOU GOTTA, BUT NOT THE DRAGON!
62. OK, which one of y'all is gonna tell me why Bran's got his eyes rolled back. Is he plugged into the iCloud?
63. Sansa just pulled out her Kitchen Aid knife. Here's hoping she knows how to use it!
64. How is everyone not dead already this battle has been going on for 6,000 years.
65. A piano ballad with bloodshed is the kind of drama I was hoping I'd get from this show.
66. The Night King needs to moisturize 'cause that skin is dryer than my sense of humor honey.
67. I could have told Theon he wasn't gonna make it, but I get the feeling my man knew? RIP to the only man I knew by name.
68. Oh biiiiiiiiitch, the Night King is coming for the girls with his acrylics! Who's his nail tech?
69. This staring contest is something none of us signed up for.
70. HOLY HECK, ARYA JUST TURNED THE DUDE INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES OF CRUNCHY ICE!!!!
71. I just rewatched it six more times. OK fine, this show is good.
72. Some man just died in Daenerys's arms, but at least the dragon is alive! Let's call this guy Aaden. You tried.
73. I was just getting to know the witch before she turned into dust! I hope we see you in some X-Men movie soon, girl.
74. Anyway, I'm going back to watch Arya kill dry skin Darth Maul again.
75. Not today, Satan. NOT TODAY!
