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Here's A List Of My Top 10 Mental Breakdowns That Will Make You Feel Like You Have Your Shit Together

*Almost* all of the times I've completely lost it, compiled into one BuzzFeed list.

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1. That time I decided to make this post while at work.

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Listen, I have a lot of things I should be doing right now, but this takes precedence because I just drank so much Starbucks and holy crap I'm so anxious I think I can see all of space and time.

2. That time I wanted to surprise my mom with ABBA tickets for her birthday, then realized I spent $75 on a cover band.

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I lost it. I mean I lost it. I shut my computer. I picked it up. I thought about throwing it, then put it back down calmly on the kitchen table. I paced a little bit. I ate a pear. How did a cover band manage to sell out Red Rocks Amphitheatre? And how did I not know the band ABBA wasn't touring together in 2014? This has been public knowledge for the longest time and yet, I never got the memo. A big screw up. Completely my fault.

3. That time my ex bought me underwear for Christmas instead of putting in more than a minute's worth of thought into a meaningful gift.

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I can buy my own underwear. I am an adult with a $7 giftcard to Walmart. That means I can get at least five pairs of the ugly packs of underwear and still have enough left over for a Diet Coke. Don't like seeing the same, hideous, white Hanes seven days a week for 52 weeks straight? Too bad. Don't date me.

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4. That time I realized I only knew every line to the first 40 minutes of A Goofy Movie and not every line to the entire movie.

Disney

I'm embarrassed just writing this. I pride myself on being well-versed in A Goofy Movie. I make others feel bad for not having seen A Goofy Movie. To realize I don't know every word to the movie on a flight to Colorado when people sitting next to me are watching me mumble it under my breath is horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

5. That time I thought I was pregnant and had to buy a test from one of my ex's friends at Target the week after I broke up with him.

NBC

He saw me and waved. A civil wave. Nothing more than a "you're the friend who broke my friend's heart, but also he was completely in the wrong because he was a scumbag" sort of wave. I froze. I threw the pregnancy test behind a couple of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and ran away, only to realize a poor, unsuspecting child would likely find them no more than five minutes later and blame me for it. I picked it up. I faced my fears. I bought the test and failed it, like a strong woman does.

6. That time, two minutes ago, when I left my desk to go to the bathroom only to realize I broke the office toilet earlier with a massive poop and, uh-oh, guess what. I just drank a ton of coffee and am about to go break it again.

Vchal / Getty Images

I left it. I left it like the monster I am. Let someone else deal with it. I have too much stuff I need to get done today, like crying at my desk and avoiding my responsibilities.

7. That time John Cena beat Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson at WrestleMania 29.

Honestly, WHY did that even happen. They brought Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson out of RETIREMENT for that WrestleMania and the producers let John Cena defeat him? Are you kidding me? This put all of 2013 on a rocky, downhill spiral for me.

8. That time I woke up to three zits on my face at the age of 23.

Getty Images

I am OLD. This shouldn't be happening at this age. I was supposed to go through this when I was in middle school or high school. College at the latest! I am trying to get my life together, have a steady career, meet a rich man, and sap him of his money like that hoochie-mamma Meredith Blake in The Parent Trap. You think I can do that when my face has craters like the moon and I'm growing chin hairs? Uh-uh, no way.

9. That time my phone died on public transit in the middle of my favorite song.

Steven Henry / Getty Images

No one, and I mean NO ONE, interrupts me when I am jamming out to Macy Gray. You want to sit next to me on the bus, but need me to move my bag? Cool, you can sit there...just don't talk to me. You broke your leg and I'm your emergency contact? It's the 21st century, text me. You're Steve Jobs and are trying to do some weird, voodoo stuff to my phone from beyond the grave? Cast a spell or move my chair around late at night like a normal ghost. You do not need to make my phone die. I do NOT need that bad ju-ju in my life.

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