1."I'm very sorry, I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid. I thought you were just speaking abnormally."
2."You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded and I consider Oscar a friend."
3."The diabetes award goes to Stanley Hudson. Come on up here, you sick bastard."
4."I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap, because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt."
5."Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but kids are very wary about being lured these days. Thank you Dateline!"
6."It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed."
7."You were nothing but great to your hoe and you told her that she was the only hoe for you, that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' hoe no mo'."
8."My Indian culture seminar was going great, until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex, people! Everybody does it! I'm doing it with Carol...probably tonight!"
9."I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here."
10."Why do I like Hooters? Well, I will give you two reasons: the boobs and the hot wings."
11."Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out and in doing so they just let it go, walk away, and they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however, I have found. Doesn't translate."
12."The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
13."Hey Pam? All that stuff with Kevin... pretty scary. I'm thinking next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out, you know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time-bags."
14."Stupid corporate wet blankets. It's not like booze ever killed anyone."
15."There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed. And I am not going to tell them that I will be reading their emails."
16."You'll notice I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, no pun intended. But I just thought, 'too soon' for Arabs. Maybe next year. The ball's in their court."
17."You know what, here's what we're going to do. Let's go around and everybody name a race you're attracted to sexually. I will go last."