SO, I'M SURE YOU HEARD THE NEWS.
For those of you that have been apparently living under a rock in some perfect utopian pre-Ryan and Eva are HAVING A BABY world, then I'm sorry to burst your God damn bubble. Reality is a bitch and we have to fucking face it.
LET ME START OFF BY SAYING, I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE...
BUT WHAT CAN WE DO?! NOTHING.
NOW THAT BEING SAID...
The following is a list of things that are way better than them having a baby together...
1. Getting lice from taking a selfie.
2. Dressing and styling your hair like Billy Ray Cyrus for a year.
3. Dressing and styling your hair like Ryan Seacrest in the mid-2000s for like 3 years.
4. Becoming addicted to smoking coffee in order to get a caffeine high.
5. Getting stuck in a drain trying to retrieve an iPhone.
6. Getting your head pushed into a Burger King toilet by a strange man.
7. Getting pissed on by a penguin while wearing a wedding dress.
8. Giving birth in a Florida Walmart parking lot.
9. Having Hugh Jackman's long hair forever. Also those pants.
10. Calling 911 80 times demanding Kool-Aid, hamburgers, and weed.
11. Having your ashes spread at a LensCrafters in a Florida mall.
12. Being Sisqo.
13. Getting caught stealing a life-size Justin Bieber cutout.
14. Being put into a headlock by a shirtless Fat Joe.
15. Getting assaulted by butter.
16. Falling asleep outside with cereal.
17. Getting punched by a 346 pound man for forgetting his garlic knots.
18. Being a virgin kissing on national TV for the first time.
19. Non-ironically wearing JC Chasez's jacket.
20. Getting peed on by a wild raccoon.
21. Experience potato salad rage.
22. Having sex with a hot pocket.
23. Having a Sim for a mom.
24. Being involved in an airborne fish attack.
25. And lastly, having to go back to middle school and perpetually living there.
Life sucks and the world is such a harsh place.