The 54 Absolute Worst Things About Fall
I love fall! Not!
1. People won't shut up about how it's fall.
2. It's cold in the morning, warm in the afternoon, and cold at night, which makes it nearly impossible to dress appropriately because you're always too warm or too cold.
3. Your body doesn't know how to adjust to the temperature change.
4. Switching over from iced coffee to hot coffee (people make too big of a deal out of it).
5. When you finally switch to hot coffee and start sweating because it's slightly too warm to be drinking hot coffee but you got to stay the course.
6. Layering until you realize you have to do more laundry because you are literally wearing more clothes.
7. Feeling pressure to do something for Halloween.
8. Everyone asking you what you're going to do for Halloween.
9. Everyone asking what you're going to be for Halloween.
10. When people ask you, "Have you watched Hocus Pocus yet?" at 12:01 a.m. on the autumnal goddamn equinox.
11. It's that much harder to get out of bed.
12. You need to put on a coat to walk to the bathroom.
13. Getting out of the shower is nearly impossible.
15. People who already started listening to Christmas music.
16. When people say, "This song reminds me of fall."
17. When you wear too light of a jacket and spend the rest of the night contemplating your life choices.
18. The transition from light jacket to winter coat in general (there's always that one day you fuck up and wear the wrong thing).
19. Your sleeves get wet when you wash dishes because you have to wear long sleeves.
20. Chapped lips.
21. People who are a little too obsessed with Halloween.
22. When you eat a big meal in a restaurant and go outside and you're freezing cold because your food is digesting.
23. Leaving work when it's dark.
24. What are gourds even?
25. Leaves get wet and slippery and then you fall, and because it's fall people make a joke about how you fell in fall.
26. Everyone won't stop talking about "sweater season" when the only "sweater season" you know is how much you sweat when you wear a sweater too early in October.
27. Bad dad jokes about fall like the one in no. 26.
28. The fact that fall only exists for like two weeks before it's basically the middle of winter.
29. Gross fall-scented candles smell like a pumpkin ate another pumpkin and took a shit.
30. When people exhale way too hard trying to see their breath like that's something to be proud of.
31. Everyone gets sick.
32. Everyone is coughing.
33. People go to work when they're sick and cough all over the GD place.
34. People become obsessed with talking about flu shots.
35. "Hello" is replaced by "Did you get a flu shot yet?"
36. Your skin shrivels up and dies (gets dry).
37. Mice go indoors and terrorize your life.
38. It gets dark mad early and then people won't shut up about how the weather affects their "mood."
39. People talking about how much they like fall.
40. Taking your AC out is one of the most scary, unpleasant tasks.
41. Gourds again.
42. Wearing socks again.
43. When it's like 60 degrees out and someone is wearing a scarf and a winter coat and you're like "IT'S NOT EVEN THAT COLD."
44. Cold, windy rain.
45. Rosé season ends. It is now nearly impossible and socially unacceptable to find and drink rosé.
46. Summer beers go away and are replaced by pumpkin beer.
47. You're literally getting paler by the day.
48. You have to find some place to stash all your summer clothes.
49. Raking leaves sucks.
50. Leaves smell like dirt.
51. Gourds one more time.
52. The word "brisk."
53. Not knowing if you just stepped in wet leaves or dog shit.
54. And finally — lists about fall: