We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the most hilariously weird thing they've overheard kids say to each other. And yes — kids do say some very funny and very wild stuff:
1. This brilliant troll job:
"I heard my 7-year-old tell his cousin, 'My mom makes our spaghetti out of troll hairs.' We had spaghetti for dinner that night, and when my niece refused to eat it, my son was happy to have second and third servings."
2. This lunchroom conspiracy theorist:
"Third graders were eating and talking about celebrities:
One girl: 'Why are they so famous?'
Second girl (slams both hands on the table): 'ILLUMINATI THAT’S WHY!'"
3. This kid who isn't quite a medical expert:
"I overheard my 8-year-old cousin telling his friend about my brother's surgery: 'He had to go get a surgery. I don't know why, but I think it's because he swallowed chewing gum and it got stuck in his heart.'"
4. This epic grade school burn:
"7-year-old: 'Pretend you're a pickle.'
6-year-old: 'Well, okay, but pickles can't talk.'
7-year-old: 'Yeah, that's the point.'"
5. These kids who need parental filters, STAT:
"I overheard my 5-year-old arguing with my 7-year-old over how babies were made. My 5-year-old then said, 'YouTube is a liar! God gives you babies. It’s not a bunch of worms eating a bouncy ball!'"
6. Thie geography expert:
"I overheard a 5-year-old girl say, 'Why is it called Pennsylvania? It's not even shaped like a pencil!'"
7. This little cat expert:
My cat — who only has one eye — was sitting in the window when two kids came up and peered at her through the glass. The little girl asked, 'Where is her eye?' And the little boy replied super matter-of-factly, 'Oh, sometimes eyes just fall out when you’re older.'"
8. This not quite obstetrician:
"My 3-year-old said to her 4-year old cousin, 'Every time your mom poops, that’s a new brother or sister for you.'”
9. This Irish goodbye, er, hello:
"In the halls at school I heard a kid say, 'Dude, stop wishing all the white kids happy Saint Patrick's Day.' It was the middle of September."
10. Whatever this kid said, lol:
I once heard a kid say, 'Waffles are bald, you know. And I’m bald too, because I’m a waffle.'”
11. This one that's a latte:
I overheard these girls at Starbucks:
Fifth grade girl #1: 'Who’s most likely of us to get rich?”
Fifth grade girl #2: 'Definitely Emily.'
Fifth grade girl #3/Emily: 'Wait, why?”
Fifth grade girl #2: 'Because you're such a gold digger!'"
12. This kid who knows there's other fish in the sea:
"I work at a summer camp and during fishing, if the kids catch a fish, they're allowed to kiss it (gross, I know, but the kiddos love it). Anyway, one day I heard an 8-year-old brag to his friend, 'I’ve kissed a lot of fish. I’m a player.'”
13. This cuteness at a car dealership:
"We had a pirate ship-themed play area, and there were two kids playing on it who'd just met. One told the other, 'You're my best friend! You're my pirate!' Best term of endearment ever."
14. This one-upmanship:
Kid 1 (running around in circles): 'I have 8,000 bottles of energy!'
Kid 2 (sprawled out on the ground): 'I have a billion bottles of energy, I just don't feel like using them right now.'"
15. This spirited debate:
"In the waiting room at the dentist there were two boys around 8 or so discussing whether they'd rather die by eating poo or lava. After a bit of thought, they both decided on the lava."
16. This future geneticist:
"I work at a zoo and overheard a kid ask another kid, 'Why don’t you look like your dad, mom...and dog?'"
17. This scene from a daycare center:
"I heard a 4-year-old brag, 'I can open adult drinks all by myself!' Then another little kid ask, 'Like Sprite?' Followed by a third asking, 'And wine?'”
18. This tip that Michael Scott could've given:
"I work in a middle school and once heard an eighth grader earnestly tell another kid, 'If you wear your hat backwards you'll run faster.'"
19. This kid who knows how to entertain himself:
"From a 5-year-old: 'I roll my eyes a lot just to keep busy.'”
20. This lawbreaker:
"I'm a youth leader and once heard a sixth grader say to his friend, 'So now I guess I run the black market at my school.'"
21. This kid with plans for the future:
"I overheard my 6-year-old cousin say to his friend, 'When I grow up, I’m going to be a wizard dog. A wizard dog that turns people’s noses into pretzels.'”
22. This food-matician:
"I saw a kid look up from his calculator and whisper, 'So that’s...seven and a half tacos!'"
23. And this chat about ghosts that takes a turn:
"Kid 1: 'Ghosts are really scary, but I don't think they exist.'
Kid 2: 'Well, I know one that does, but he's really nice...The Holy Ghost.'"
—Sarah Suzanne Cornell, Facebook
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.