1. A stainless-steel tongue scraper to banish bad bacteria and improve stinky breath. This way you won't suffer the embarrassment of someone offering you a breath mint.
2. A nail concealer so you can subtly hide yellowing and staining on your nails.
Promising review: "I have psoriasis and my nails separate from my nail bed and I have to keep them very short. I love this polish as it looks very natural but covers up where my nails are separating. I'm not embarrassed to show my hands now." —Amazon Customer
Get it from Amazon for $20 (available in five shades).
Check out our Londontown Illuminating Nail Concealer review for more deets!
3. A Squatty Potty, because a bout of constipation shouldn't leave you down in the ~dumps~. Squatting changes the angle of your anal canal, opening it up so it's easier for things to exit.
4. And don't forget a before-you-go toilet spray to hide any evidence. Even if you're one of those weirdly confident people who can poop in a house full of people without issue, having this in your bathroom for others can calm nervous pooers.
5. An acne patch for those days when a pimple pops up. Hydrocolloid, tea tree oil, and calendula oil are gentle on the skin while still drawing out fluids and pus from your pimple.
6. And some hydrocolloid nose patches that'll target the oily pores and slurp out the gunk in the zits around your nose and on your nose bridge.
Promising review: "It's gross in the most spectacular way. The amount of disgusting gunk that came out of my face was appalling and I instantly gagged. However, my nose has never felt so clean and smooth for consecutive days. If you have oily skin I definitely recommend washing your face first and apply it to the nose before moisturizing the rest of your face. If I could give this 10 stars I would. Everyone is getting this for Christmas….maybe because it's not cheap." —Justina
Get 10 patches from Amazon for $14.90.
7. A bottle of dandruff shampoo so you can banish white flakes from your scalp. It's made with ketoconazole 1%, an antifungal ingredient that'll tell your dandruff it's no longer welcome here.
Promising review: "MIRACLE PRODUCT! If you have a flaky scalp from dandruff, BUY THIS. I was about to go to the dermatologist if this stuff didn’t work. Thank goodness I saved myself hundreds of dollars by giving this product a shot. I used it four of five times (over a month) and it cleared my scalp almost completely. One more use and my scalp will be 120% healed! This stuff blew my mind. Totally worth it." —chris
Get it from Amazon for $15.88+.
8. A grout paint pen to cover up the mortifyingly large amount of dirt and grime that has fallen into the cracks. It works like a regular marker, so even the people who failed art can use it. And it beats actually having to clean! 🙃
9. A cuticle oil that'll restore your shredded nails after a gel mani. A combination of sweet almond oil, vitamin E, and jojoba softens the cuticle and strengthens your claws so you'll be proud to show them off.
10. A pumice cleaning stone for powering through tough rust, lime, and calcium streaks you have to explain to your S.O. are not poop stains — you swear! Give your tired arms a break and let this little guy scrub away discoloration with ease. This non-toxic cleaner is tough on dirt but gentle on porcelain so you can sit atop the listening throne you deserve.
11. A clay mask so you can basically vacuum out your pores. It may also help reduce the frequency of your breakouts and soften your skin.
12. A jetted tub cleaner, because who knows when the last time you cleaned it was. (I hate to break it to you, but you're probably chillaxing in dirty water.) This cleanser is made to flush out soap scum, body oils, and those black flakes that gunk up your tub's jets.
13. A Home Chef subscription to hide the fact that you basically can't even boil water. Select your favorite recipes for the week from Home Chef's menu and they'll send you everything you need (including pre-portioned ingredients). It's so easy! They also offer ready-made meals in case you just don't have the time, energy, or inclination to cook.
Why it's great: Home Chef's selection of recipes and ready-made meals changes weekly so your tastebuds can take a break from eating ramen five out of seven nights. It also offers custom express meal kits (ingredients come pre-prepped so you can get dinner on the table in 15 minutes), oven-ready meals (just pop the tin in the oven!), Fast & Fresh recipes (that can be zapped in the microwave), and more so dinner is easy peasy lemon squeezy.
What else to know: Menus change weekly so you're always in for a delicious treat. And it's easy to customize your recipes; substitute proteins if you don't like the meat in the picture, or double the protein if you know that one serving isn't enough.
Availability: Home Chef currently ships to 98% of the US. Enter your zip code during sign-up and Home Chef will alert you if you are outside of its delivery range.
Prices: $7.99+/serving
14. A soil-free AeroGarden Harvest for gardeners who are embarrassingly bad at keeping their plants alive. Good thing this hydroponic system alerts you when it's time to water and feed your plants.
15. A collagen-coating hair treatment that's safe for all hair types and will revitalize a dry, damaged, and overprocessed mane overnight.
16. A tube of antiperspirant hand cream to dry your hands if you suffer from hyperhidrosis (excess sweating), or if you're just nervous!
17. A pack of AirPods cleaners if your earbuds are caked with a disgusting combination of earwax, lint, and. Squish the flexible square into your AirPod speaker, peel it off, and gasp in horror at the ear goop that's been dulling the sound quality.
18. A tonsil stone remover for treating the root cause of your bad breath. This tool has a built-in LED light so you can easily locate the tonsil stone. Plus it also comes with a syringe to help you wash out the pocket the tonsil stone left behind.
19. An earwax removal kit if buildup in your ear is causing discomfort or affecting your hearing. Good thing you don't need your ears to read the 16,500+ 5-star reviews this product has garnered.
Promising review: "I've been using Debrox for years and it has always helped me. I've always had an excessive amount of earwax and it can build up so much that I can't hear or I get earaches. Debrox is easy to use and does a great job of flushing out excess wax. If you have really stubborn earwax you can add a little bit of peroxide, wait 15 minutes, and then flush with the bulb provided." —Shanae
Get it from Amazon for $8.12.
20. A tub of brightening, firming, and rejuvenating eye cream because you're tired of your mom constantly asking you, "Are you getting enough sleep?" on your weekly FaceTime even though she should darn well know that your dark circles are hereditary (thnx a lot Mom!).
21. A TubShroom if your relaxing showers have turned into you standing in a puddle of water for 15 minutes because the drain is clogged...again. This little guy snags the hair you shed before it can collect in the pipes.
22. A heavy-duty oven scrub so no one has to know about the years of baked-on dinner explosions and drippings that coat the inside of your oven.
Everneat is a small business based in Fairfield, Connecticut, that specializes in natural cleaning products.
Promising review: "This product is amazing! It works fast with pretty minimal elbow grease. The stainless-steel sponge that comes with it makes it easier. And it smells great!" —Melissa C.
Get it from Amazon and Everneat on Etsy for $19.99 (available in three scents).
23. A pack of gas-neutralizing pads that'll negate your partner's fetid flatulence. Each antimicrobial activated charcoal pad traps foul-smelling gas molecules so toxic toots are a thing of the past.
24. A pack of DressWeights because you're tired of having to hold down your dress and waddle like a penguin until the breeze dies down.
25. A denture cleaner for loosening that weird white film that's coating your retainer. These fizzing tablets will blast away odor-causing bacteria, discoloration, and plaque from your Invisalign, retainers, dentures, night guards, and more.
Promising review: "I really loved this product. I am currently waiting for a new Invisalign set. My old Invisalign needed to be cleaned. I read the reviews and decided to purchase. OMG it worked! There was a fresh taste and they were clean. I wished I had found this product sooner. I did let them soak overnight only because I had been wearing them for the last four months. Nothing happened to Invisalign; there was no weakness or anything. Just very clean and fresh. If I could have given the product 10 stars I would have." —Lisa R.
Get 120 tablets from Amazon for $20.81.
26. A pack of lemon-scented fizzing toilet tabs to sanitize your bowl and keep it smelling fresh without you ever having to break a sweat. Just toss one in and let it get to work loosening stains.
Happy Earth Boutique is a New Jersey-based small business that sells cleaning products and bodycare products.
Promising review: "These lemon toilet fizzies work great and I love that they are earth friendly. They come in an attractive little jar so you can sit it on the toilet tank and it looks so nice! Shipping was fast too." —Diane LeBreux
Get 15 tablets from Happy Earth Boutique on Etsy for $11.19+ (originally $13.99 and available in two scents).