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1.A subscription to Care/of, which delivers personalized vitamins based on health concerns, diet, and lifestyle. Nothing says "I want to be with you forever" like a blend of fish oil, probiotics, and vitamin B12.
2.A nagging notepad that'll let the recipient nudge you repeatedly to do that thing you said you would do but still haven't yet even though it was totally on your way home from work!
3.A desk nameplate to show total and utter support for your partner's career. All they need to do is take a peek at this beauty, and they'll definitely get those reports done on deadline.
4.A pair of socks accompanied with a lifetime guarantee that, if they're wearing these, you'll *actually* bring them a glass of the good stuff. Maybe these'll stop them ~wine-ing~ that you never do anything for them.
5.A 16-pack of collagen and vitamin E-infused sheet masks that'll almost be a substitute for that spa gift certificate you definitely can't afford.
6.A flippable Belgian waffle maker with a promise to whip up a fluffy batch for your own Leslie Knope the morning after she's had a bit too much Snake Juice.
8.A personalized bag for a twist on a generously packed lunch. They'll eat it and they'll like it!
9.A pair of insanely cozy slipper socks with a sherpa lining and non-slip soles, because making sure someone is cozy and warm (and that they haven't fallen on the ground) is one of the nicest things you can do. (Plus these were one of Oprah's Favorite Things in 2017!)
10.A box full of giant plush microbes for the only person you're willing to ~share your germs with~.
11.A personalized microwavable heating cushion you can customize with YOUR OWN FACE! That way they can cuddle with you when they don't feel well without getting all up in your business. Just microwave it for a few minutes and it'll stay toasty for hours!
15.A ~grandma's kitchen~-scented candle to say "You shouldn’t have to eat my terrible baking, so smell this candle instead." It has notes of butter, apple, cinnamon, clove, and a hint of sugar cookie.
16.A Corgi butt mug for anyone who reverts to Tina Belcher quotes when trying to be romantic.
17.A bulk bag (we're talking 21 ounces!) of cereal marshmallows, because they're always after your Lucky Charms! Well, the marshmallow pieces anyway.
18.A pair of long distance touch lamps to literally light up each other's lives — without the need to pick up the phone or say a word. They're connected to WiFi, so if one person touches their lamp to turn it on, the other lamp will glow, no matter how far it is away.
19.A cushy sleeping mask with built-in headphones, because you like sleeping with the curtains open *and* snore — you're so thoughtful!
21.A Nicolas Cage-themed mood board tee to make staying in touch with your feelings easier than ever. Don't worry about saying "I love you" — you can just say "You're the only person I'd want to steal the Declaration of Independence with."
22.A colorful pencils to give them sporadic compliments and encouragement throughout the day, since you're not so good at that mushy stuff.
23.A shiatsu back and neck massager with a built-in heating function and three different speeds to knead away soreness... because your hands are tired and you don't feel like giving a massage right now. Or ever.
24.A bulk package of their favorite food with an accompanying note that ways: "I solemnly swear to eat none of these whatsoever."
25.A 24-ounce water bottle that'll track water intake and glow when if not sipped from in a while, so you can command them to hydrate and stay healthy, even when you're super far away and can't say it in person.
26.An adorably be-sweatered hot water bottle. And if you really want to go the extra mile, fill it up and stick it under the covers before your boo heads to bed so they're surprised with preheated and oh-so-cozy sheets.
27.A wireless shower speaker for anyone who is willing to put up with their partner's terrible rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while shampooing.
28.A Squatty Potty to prove that your SO going #2 is your #1 priority.