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    Jan 13, 2015

    56 Thoughts You Have The First Time You Watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

    Buffy should really invest in a sports bra.

    by ,

    As two '90s girls, we somehow managed to miss the Buffy The Vampire Slayer wagon. We decided 2015 was as good a time as any to dive into the pilot and see what all the hype is about.

    The WB

    1. Wait, is this the intro?

    2. Was it necessary for them to break a window?

    3. I love breaking literal windows to make out in a empty high school. Soo sexy.

    4. Oh my god what happened to this girl's face?

    5. I guess sexy vampires weren't a thing in the '90s, sorry Edward.

    6. Oh so THIS is the intro.

    The WB

    7. Hey, that's the girl from American Pie!

    8. Buffy has that resting bitchface down pat.

    9. Damn these '90s special effects though.

    10. I often have nightmares about dudes too. The worst.

    11. Also, what kind of name is Buffy???

    12. Why is she wearing a barrette in her hair that literally DOES NOTHING??

    The WB

    13. How do you fight vampires in that short of a skirt?

    14. How does everyone know Buffy is the new kid? I would only notice a new student if they took my seat in math class.

    15. Is that the guy from the O.C.?!!

    16. Can he just rip up transcripts like that?

    17. The way Buffy just casually "slips up" and mentions vampires is painful.

    18. Xander is about as good at flirting as I am. Which is not good.

    19. Some people carry pepper spray, Buffy carries a stake. To each their own.

    The WB

    20. "Coolness factor." OK CORDELIA, let's talk about those corduroys on this COOLNESS test.

    21. "Know your losers." — True and applicable life advice from Cordelia

    22. How is Buffy supposed to find The Bronze club without an iPhone GPS?

    23. Why is "vampire" spelled wrong on that book they keep showing?

    24. That awkward moment when a dead body falls out of your locker. Totally relatable.

    25. What big lockers though, wish I had that size in high school. I could fit my Trapper Keeper in it for sure.

    The WB

    26. "HOW KEEN." — Buffy deciding that she is now Australian

    27. Why is the dead body still just chilling in the school under a cotton blanket?

    28. Becoming a vampire seems like pretty much all you do is make out with a vampire and we are not opposed at this point.

    29. I'm sorry, what? One girl in the entire world is supposed to defeat demons? We're doomed.

    30. This dude's a "watcher?" Hey me too. Like as in I watch television.

    31. I don't know, but Xander doesn't seem like the library type...

    32. This town has got to have some serious plumbing issues with all these vamps running around underground.

    The WB

    33. "Yeah I'm going to a club." – 16 year old Buffy. Um, my mom would laugh in my face if I ever said that.

    34. After all that dilemma on what to wear she ended up going dressed like she was interviewing for a damn job.

    35. Buffy is in the best shape of her life, hot damn. Get this girl in a barre class.

    36. Young man, don't you know following a girl down a dark alley isn't the way to woo her?

    37. DAMN SON. I would never turn my back on you and your velour blazer.

    The WB

    38. Why is the school librarian hanging out at a club with students?

    39. Where are these children's parents?

    40. I think this is rule #1 when working at a high school: don't go to clubs with your students.

    The WB

    41. Oh shit, Cordelia with that atenna phone spreading gossip.

    42. Oh OK, what up VOLDEMORT, didn't know you were recruiting vampires along with your giants.

    43. Someone get these vamps a nail file.

    The WB

    44. Ugh classic boy ignoring directions to the ice cream shop. "I know a shortcut." — boys 30 seconds before they get lost forever.

    45. "EVER BEEN IN A TOMB?" is exactly what I want to hear on a first date.

    46. If Buffy wasn't so busy delivering one liners Willow wouldn't have left with that thot.

    47. OH SHIT GIRL WITH BANGS HAS RETURNED.

    The WB

    48. The fact that Willow gives this vamp a chance is a representation of my dating life, tbh.

    49. Buffy up here having a damn heart-to-heart with the vamps trying to kill her. "I wanted a quiet life." OK. COOL. Save it for your diary.

    50. So basically when vampires die, they are just balls of sand?

    The WB

    51. Buffy got way too cocky and underestimated her competition. First rule of little league basketball.

    52. REALLY gonna need Buffy to invest in a sports bra for future combat with vamps.

    53. Ugh, classic bro vampire, wearing a necklace from Florida Spring Break with your parents circa 1998.

    The WB

    54. Damn Buffy is about to be eaten.

    55. TO BE CONTINUED?? What is this shit?

    56. But does the cute "friend" ever come back??

    The WB

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