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22 Ways To Make It Easier To Get Married When Your Parents Are Divorced

Make sure your photographer doesn't make your parents hold hands!

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Thinkstock/Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

We recently asked BuzzFeed Community if they had any advice for people who are getting married but have divorced parents:

Kristin Chirico/BuzzFeed

1. Make someone be your enforcer:

"[Assign] someone to be the shit-keeper: They keep an eye out and if any shit starts, they either try and nip it in the bud or they make damned sure that it doesn't get back to [you and your significant other]." -- tierneyg2


2. Don't tolerate crap:

"I'll be enforcing a one-strike policy starting from the moment I announce my engagement. I'll expect everyone to act like adults and get along when it comes to my future wedding or they simply won't be there at all." -- Katelyn Hart, Facebook

3. Do a practice run with your parents:

"My parents are recently divorced and this is what I did: For my now-fiancé's graduation party, I used it as a dry run for the wedding. I sat down with my parents (separately) and let them know that the other was invited and will be attending. That way, there was no surprise and they could mentally prepare. The party was wonderful and there was no drama between the two." -- Caryn Rohde, Facebook

4. Let the photographer know your family's situation:

"TELL THE PHOTOGRAPHER that they're divorced! At my brother's wedding, the photographer had my parents hold hands for a photo. My parents are friends, but it was still super awkward." -- Meg Blair, Facebook


5. And tell the DJ, too:

"Emphasize to the DJ that they shouldn't introduce your parents as Mr. and Mrs." -- Roja Horchata Kurtz, Facebook

Kristin Chirico/BuzzFeed

6. Take your family's desires into account, but do it your way:

"Talk to each set of parents separately, and ask them what they would like to see. Then take everyone's opinions and do the shopping/reserving yourself. You can work their desires into your decisions without feeling pressured in the moment to make someone happy.

If you are close with your stepparents, make them feel included by dedicating a dance to them, or incorporating decorations (at a friend's wedding, she included small paper swans on all of the tables, because her mother-in-law loves them)." -- Emmay Friedenson, Facebook

7. Make sure everyone has a special task:

"Give them both something special to do (dad give you away, mum be a witness for the register, etc.) and perhaps mix the tables up so you've got a mix of families and friends at the tables." -- Marie Blackett, Facebook


8. Or split up special tasks, if need be:

"My mom and best friends went dress shopping with me, and my stepmom and half-sisters came when I picked up the dress. My stepdad walked me into the venue and halfway down the aisle, and my biological dad walked me the rest of the way. I had a father-daughter dance with my dad for one song, and then my stepdad for another." -- stephanied4bf8f054a

9. Get another relative to walk you down the aisle:

"[I] was walked down the aisle by my brother." -- DanniLittle

10. Or just a good pal:

"I had my best friend walk me down the aisle." -- robiayles

11. If your parents live in different places, split the difference between their hometowns for the wedding:

"We got married in 'neutral territory' — at a hotel near where we went to school (and far enough away from both of our families that no one could interpret it as their home turf)." -- avcmurray


12. Be fair with invites:

"If dad is inviting five people, mom gets to, too. (Friends, not family members.)" -- Miriam Synder, Facebook

13. Make sure all the tables are equally special:

"Don't use table numbers, name the tables! This way no one is mad that they are at table two while their ex is at table one." -- vanessaannen

Kristin Chirico/BuzzFeed

14. When all else fails, put out the energy you want at your wedding into the world:

"Pretend everyone is there to celebrate your happiness, so much so that they couldn't possibly conceive of interrupting events with their own personal drama. Freely share this (possibly forced) bit of optimism. People will realize either a) it's actually true, or b) they'd feel like such a dick to disagree with it, they wouldn't be able to enjoy the open bar. -- Jenner Lumpkin, Facebook


15. Put your foot down about certain guests not coming, if need be:

"It was a really hard conversation to have but I had to tell my dad that he couldn't bring his girlfriend. Not only was she full of drama, but I knew that her and my dad (who is a serial dater) would not be together forever. While he wasn't super happy, I didn't have to worry about the awkwardness of having her there and, now, I don't have to look at pictures of a woman whose name I can't even remember." -- lindsayh457e1289a

16. Make sure everyone knows what to expect at your wedding:

"We gave [our parents] schedules of events (as we did with most important guests) so they generally knew what was expected of them when -- and then they knew when they might run into each other." -- Michelle Huffman, Facebook

17. Know that sometimes people can exceed your expectations:

"As someone who is recently married (and whose parents are divorced), I have found that weddings can provide a space for family healing. When it comes right down to it, everyone is celebrating the love that you and your partner share, and that's something that everyone can focus on and believe in." -- lissawritesthings


18. And know that haters are gonna hate:

"Realize that even when you try to make everyone happy, someone will find something to complain about." -- jshoemaker13

19. Don't take the seating chart too seriously:

"The best thing I've heard from a friend when I was venting about making a seating chart: 'It's just for dinner. All they have to do is sit and eat, then they can move to wherever they want afterwards.' So keep it all in perspective." -- Ali Welch, Facebook

20. Be firm with your parents about your expectations:

"Inform [your parents] politely and respectfully [that you are all] adults and that if they can't put aside their personal feelings, they don't have to come." -- Tina Louise, Facebook


21. Keep in mind that you are not your parents:

"The biggest thing to remember is that you are NOT your parents and your marriage is NOT your parents marriage. You are not doomed to repeat history." -- Shawn-Jessica Davis, Facebook

22. Don't be so convinced that there will be drama that you end up creating it yourself -- This is your day!

"Have a little faith in your parents. You'd be surprised how well parents will suck it up and hold it together when it's something that is important to their kid(s)." -- Lizzy Vicente-Holst, Facebook


Responses have been edited down for length and clarity.

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