Hi, my name is Kelly and I LOVE teen dramas. Riverdale? Love it. Gossip Girl? Love it!
Recently, I discovered one of my old favorite shows was on Hulu: The Secret Life of the American Teenager!
Remember? It's the story of 15-year-old Amy (played by Shailene Woodley), who gets pregnant from a one-night stand at band camp. I was totally obsessed with this show as a teen, so I decided to rewatch the pilot and see how it held up. And...WOW, do I have thoughts:
1.First off, I totally forgot Molly Ringwald plays Amy's mom in this show. Is her job just like, playing moms on teen shows now?
2.Oh man, Amy's pregnant. I mean, I knew this was the premise of the entire show, but this is still upsetting. Molly Ringwald is not gonna be happy.
3.Is it just me or does Grace Bowman look exactly like Sharpay Evans??!
4.Ben is a lot creepier than I remember. He's supposed to be the Nice Guy of the show, but he basically stalks Grace, then starts obsessing over Amy two seconds later. Joe Goldberg, is that you??
5.Okay, so now Ben is in love with Amy. But she's kinda stuck on this guy Ricky because he got her pregnant at band camp. This is a VERY intense first day of high school.
6.Oh, and Grace is dating this guy Jack. But Grace is apparently super committed to abstinence. Jack does not seem enthusiastic about this.
7.Oh no, I think Jack is gonna cheat on Grace with Adrian (who's dating Ricky, BTW). Does he cheat? I can't remember. God, what a MESS.
8.Now Amy's at the doctor's and all the moms are weirdly just handing their babies off to her. This seems irresponsible.
9.Why do all the parents on this show CONSTANTLY talk about sex? I feel like nobody discusses it with their family THIS much. This is weird.
10.How did Ben get Amy's number when he's never even spoken to her? Again, creepy.
11.Oh yeah, Jack's definitely hiding something. You can see the guilt in his eyes.
12.Now Ben and Amy are on an awkward first date in the gym of Grace's church after the football game. I can't take this. Make it stop.
13.Why does this Alice girl just know a bunch of random statistics about sex? This is very strange.
14.Why is the school counselor at this party?
15.So Jack and Adrian DID hook up!! And now he's going on about how he's a sinner, and SHE'S a sinner, and how they need to pray for forgiveness. I wish I was kidding.
16.So Amy's friends just came up with a "genius plan" to help her and I'm very concerned. Are we forgetting they're all supposed to be 15??!
17.Oh...oh, now Jack is kissing Adrian. So much for that forgiveness. And UH-OH, Grace's brother just caught them!!
18.Now the whole school knows, including the counselor. HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, JACK!
If you'll excuse me, I need to go and process my feelings for 100 years or so.