We asked the LGBTQ women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what it was like hooking up/being with a "straight" woman.
They didn't hold anything back and revealed some pretty personal stories. Every queer woman's relationship was different, and it's important to highlight various LGBTQ experiences.
So, here are stories of LGBTQ women's relationships with "straight" women:
Note: Sexuality is a spectrum, and every LGBTQ relationship is different. Just because these experiences happened to some, it doesn't mean it's universal to everyone in the gay community.
Note: Some submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by user u/CynthiaDelatorre, and this thread by a former Reddit user.
1. "I think every LGBTQ woman has fallen for a 'straight' girl. Three years ago I fell really hard for this girl, and we started hanging out a lot. Usually, we'd hang out at her house because her parents were never around, though eventually, she started coming to mine. She met my family and they were all like: 'Oh, so-and-so is so nice and smart and pretty' and I was like: 'I know, right?!' But my brother apparently thought so too, and they started dating. I got all this crap from her like: 'I like you so much but I'm straaaaight,' and I said: 'Alright, whatever.' But after she was dating my brother for a few months, she started telling people she was bi, and that was just a slap in the face. So maybe once in a while things end well with 'straight' girls, but the vast majority of times, they don't. Usually, they pulverize your heart into a squishy blob, so it's usually better to give up on that shit."
2. "My first 'straight' love happened when I was just 13 years old. I knew I was attracted to women back then, and I suddenly felt a thing for my best friend. She was well-developed for her age, and quite attractive. She was, however, heterosexual. I confessed my feelings toward her, and she said she was willing to give me a chance. So, we went out for a few months, and I fell even harder for her. However, she said she was living a lie and was only into masculine men — so she broke up with me. I wish she just didn't try at all if she wasn't attracted to me because it made the breakup so much harder."
3. "I had a HUGE crush on this gorgeous 'straight' girl who I knew through mutual friends. We would cross paths here and there. One night for some reason, she asked me very persistently to go out with her and a guy friend to trivia. I finally said yes, we got very drunk, and at one point we went to the bathroom. I came out of the stall and she started making out with me and sat on my lap for parts of the night. Later that night I was just going to sleep it off in my car before going home, and again she was persistent that I go home with her. I had no intention of anything happening. We shared a bed and I was about to fall asleep, and she said: 'It's almost four in the morning.' She then proceeded to jump my bones — too bad she ended up being bananas."
4. "I fell for a 'straight' girl once — she was one of my best friends growing up, and was literally the most amazing person I knew. She started getting all 'I'm gonna flirt with you and talk to you about girls and call you cute and blah, blah, blah.' Then she became a big model and decided that being with a girl would be 'bad for her image.' It was not a fun experience for me, I must say — but up until the breakup, it was a pretty good 'straight' girl flirtationship/bestieship."
5. "I hooked up with one of my best friend’s aunts. It started out just partying and hanging out with both of them, then my friend got pregnant. So, her aunt and I still hung out. We’d go to bars together and have wine nights at her house. We were together almost every night of the week. I basically lived at her house (my best friend literally did). It got to the point where we started getting intimate (it was some good sex), and developed actual feelings for each other. We were laying in her bed one night and had to really think this through. How would I explain to my parents I was with a woman who was 20 years older than me? We cut it off, but still remained great friends. I still love her to death."
—Anonymous
6. "I've never pursued a 'straight' woman, but throughout high school and college, I had a lot of 'straight' friends and acquaintances who wanted me to be their 'first' or an 'experiment.' This went more than one way because I'm a Black woman, so I was fetishized a bit. I won't share a specific instance, though."
7. "I've been 'out' as a lesbian for 20 years. Even though I secretly rented all the videos in the gay/lesbian section at Hollywood Video, I ordered DVDs of The L Word to my friend's house. [I'd pick them up], and watch them in my room on mute, and read the subtitles while wearing my Catholic school uniform with as much counter-culture as I could. I never got the chance to 'come out' — I was 'forced out' when my parents walked in on me having sex with my friend in high school (it was my first time). We basically just slammed up against one another and had the bruises to prove it. After this initial hurtle, I felt comfortable knowing that this was, in fact, what I wanted. Then, I went to college..."
"At my particular school of choice, there was a very strong, Southern, conservative presence (particularly in Greek life). I had sex with as many women as I could (I kind of had the Justin Bieber look going, and my masculine swag mixed with my feminine, emotional intelligence appealed to 'straight' women). I was approachable, yet dangerous (cringe).
During my sophomore year, I decided to be an RA. I ended up sleeping with two of my residents (both were in sororities that'd be appalled at learning that their 'sisters' weren't going to their own rooms at the end of the night). One of these women ended up becoming a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and is now a married woman living in Texas. The other identifies as a lesbian and lives in Florida.
While it was tumultuous, emotional, confusing, risky, and sometimes even scary, I wouldn't change a single thing. Every member of my family (even my grandparents on both sides) are so appreciative of my personhood. My partner and I are getting married in 2024, and I could not feel more fortunate."
—Anonymous
8. "Been there done that more than a few times. Most recently it was with a woman who's my BFF. We fooled around several times, and it progressively got better and I started catching feelings. It started getting awkward — we discussed it and she confirmed she'd never be in a relationship with me even though she really enjoyed sex with me. I cold turkey-ed her for a bit, and now our friendship is stronger than ever. Bottom line for me is that I value our friendship more than her loins (actual thing I said to her when she said her 'luster' was waning to me). I told her she'd always be attractive to me, but that her friendship meant more than getting off. So, my advice is to figure out what matters most to you and go from there. I'm lucky in that we are both able to handle the sex without it being weird. Don't get me wrong: I'd fuck her in an instant if the situation arose — I just have to keep my distance so I don't get all feely again."
9. "I'm bi (though admittedly it took me a long time to realize it). My first sexual encounter with a woman was in my early twenties, and we had no idea what was going on with our emotions at the time. We both thought we were 'straight.' It ended badly, and we went on to date men — but we remained friends. Yeeaaars later, we met up again and had the most incredible sex of my life. It definitely confirmed that I am NOT 'straight,' and made her see that sexuality is flexible (she'll probably still end up with a guy, though)."
—Anonymous
10. "I was with a pillow princess. She used me for pleasure the way straight men used her, and didn't care if she'd cum or not. She didn't even try to reciprocate once she got what she wanted (and she came onto ME!)."
—Anonymous
11. "I was 21 when my 'straight best friend' of six years started dropping hints: Would I want to take her to a gay bar? Was The L Word any good? What was it like for me (her lesbian friend) to date a 'straight' girl? I was totally blindsided when she kissed me for the first time, and a little freaked out. There may have been some panic Googling, like: 'I just made out with a straight girl — help?!' Then it happened again a week later on Valentine’s Day. I giggled a little when she got up the next morning, put on a flannel shirt, and asked if I wanted to go look at adoptable cats with her. We were together after that, and we made fun of ourselves for living up to those queer stereotypes (and a few others…we moved in together post-haste). But, we never had a serious discussion about her sexuality, like whether she was 'out' or how she identified."
"We loved each other — some of her extended family recognized it, and were supportive of our relationship without asking her to label herself. She died almost a year after we first kissed. She kept our relationship a secret from her parents, but they still knew 'without knowing.'
With her parents' blessing, I kept a ring she’d given me that belonged to her grandmother, and still wear it sometimes. In her obituary, I was named her 'closest friend.' I still think of her often, and miss her.
But I’m now the 'straight' friend, having been with the same man since shortly after her death. I did and do experience a lot of disenfranchised grief: To most of the world, I seem just as much a 'straight' girl as she did. After she died, I realized I had a lot of questions that would never be answered. How she identified or what term to use when describing our relationship have never been among the most pressing of those questions."
—Anonymous
12. "My feelings for her were my own problem, and I didn't want to pressure her into something she clearly wasn't into. It sucked, it broke my heart, I hated it, but I still love her. It's not her responsibility — she owes me nothing."
13. And: "I fell for a 'straight' girl while I was in denial about my own sexuality. Eventually, we hooked up, and I confessed my feelings to her during a sleepover about five years later. She relatively/recently broke up with someone, and said she loved me back. We had one of the most intense relationships of my young life — my parents were 'allies,' but couldn't handle a sapphic romance in their house. So, I would leave school early to go hang out at her school and sit in the back of her classes or in the media room when she had a less-understanding teacher. She was the first person I sent nudes to, the first person I sexted with, and the first person I had a threesome with. I firmly believed in my dumb teen brain that we were meant to be."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.