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66 Things You'll Want To Remember From The "Orange Is The New Black" Season 2 Finale

"Always so rude, that one."

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1. The penultimate episode of Orange Is the New Black Season 2 ended with Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) clocking Red (Kate Mulgrew) in the head, and then beating the hell out of her.


Season 2 of the Netflix series is about many things — friendship, how people behave under pressure, the possibility of love in captivity, and much more — but as it drew to a close, the main plot boiled down to Vee's stranglehold on Litchfield and its inmates. With her precise, vindictive manipulations throughout the season, Vee caused strife among friends, as well as racial divisions. She had also been leading a smuggling operation through the greenhouse tunnel. Red, Vee's main antagonist of her many enemies, was getting in the way, and so she needed to be dealt with — with a slock (a lock in a sock).

2. That's the setup for the finale: As a result of the attack on Red, and also because one of the Golden Girls had tried to shank Vee, the episode begins with prison investigators (called SIS) coming to Litchfield to see what's up.


Caputo (Nick Sandow) greets them, and says he'd be happy to help. They say they're under orders to speak only with Figueroa (Alysia Reiner), the assistant warden, and are dismissive of his offer, instead asking him for coffee.

3. Janae (Vicky Jeudy) and Black Cindy (Adrienne C. Moore) are talking about the investigation when Vee sneaks up on them.


She tells them she did it, which, duh. They're nervous around her: "Vee, you know we ain't gonna say shit," Janae says.

Vee tells them they need to tell the investigators that Suzanne (aka, "Crazy Eyes," but we won't call her that here) attacked Red. "That's cold!" Black Cindy says, thinking about how Suzanne loves Vee so much and, more than any of them, considers her to be her mother.

Vee: "Is it? Really? Is it cold for Amazon to underprice books just to capture market share?"

They can't argue with that logic. After some discussion — Vee says she knows Red won't give her up — they agree to blame Suzanne.

4. Morello (Yael Stone), Nicky (Natasha Lyonne), and Miss Rosa (Barbara Rosenblat) are all saying Vee did it, though.

Morello tells the investigators how ugly things have gotten at Litchfield: "At least nobody was trying to kill each other. Now it's like Serbo-Croatia up in here." For her part, Nicky is in a rage about Red being hurt: "It was Vee Parker. For your official purposes."

And in a moment of foreshadowing, Miss Rosa says about Vee, "I don't like rude."


6. Caputo goes to talk to Piper (Taylor Schilling) in the SHU.

She's in there because, in the previous episode, Caputo caught her in Figueroa's office stealing files from the desk. What he wants to know now is why she was doing that: Might it benefit him? Piper, who is set to be transferred to a different prison and desperately wants to stop that from happening, sees an opportunity.

"My point is, you're a good person," she says. "And Miss Figueroa? She isn't."

Caputo asks Piper whether she thinks Fig is embezzling. "I was gonna take her out," Piper says. She tells Caputo she’ll spill everything if he stops her transfer.

7. Caputo storms into Fig's office to confront her, and is surprised to find her crying on the floor.


She saw her politician husband kissing a man. "He's in love!" she cries.

After some back and forth about whether she's "hot" ("You're a horrible person, but you're sexy as hell," he says), Caputo tells her she's busted — he knows she was embezzling for her husband.

"You're a goddamn criminal, Mrs. Figueroa," he says.

8. He goes to leave, and then tells Fig to suck his dick. She says, "OK."


This scene — it's uncomfortable. Maybe it's the way Reiner's face is swollen and tear-stained, and how desperate a situation her character is in. Maybe it's because we know Caputo is sexually creepy, but haven't been reminded of that in awhile: He's an interestingly drawn, shaded character. It also might be because of her (unwelcome) realization that he has a huge penis — "Yeah, they used to call me Beer Can in high school" — or because she's swigging water afterward, seemingly wanting to be rid of the experience.

And doing it doesn't get her what she wants. "So we're good?" she asks him. "I do like you down on your knees," he says, before telling her he'd already given the files to the warden.


9. Sister Ingalls (Beth Fowler) is also in the hospital; she's on a hunger strike. She and Red discuss the Vee situation.


"That woman can weasel her way out of anything. I am handling this my way," Red says.

10. Nicky is incredibly upset about Red. When Piper tries to lighten the mood by telling her that she's no longer being transferred, and that Alex is going to come visit her, Nicky loses it on Piper.

"Jesus, Chapman. You need to figure out what the fuck you want," she says. Piper apologizes for making it about her, but Nicky is furious.

11. Ruiz (Jessica Pimentel) is crying because she was also on the transfer list, which would have meant going far from her baby. Caputo tells Bennett (Matt McGorry) that he's canceled all the transfers, and Bennett should go let her know.


He also says he might be getting Fig's job. "She's out; I'm in. Or in-ish. I've gotta show the warden I'm his guy," Caputo says. He tells Bennett he wants to help him because Bennett is one of the good guys.

12. Taystee (Danielle Brooks) bypasses Vee's table to go sit with Poussey (Samira Wiley). Vee had successfully split them apart, but now Taystee sees who Vee is, and has gone back to her friend.


That doesn't mean she wants to talk about it, though. "Can we just sit here and be cool now?" Taystee asks.


13. Vee is watching them — until, that is, Nicky comes up and tells her, "You're an animal."


"Please tell my old friend Red that I hope she feels better," Vee says. Nicky tells Black Cindy and Janae they're "blindly following a fucking psychopath."


17. O'Neill (Joel Marsh Garland) comes to Caputo's office and asks what Caputo wants to do about the nuns.


Caputo doesn't know about them. "Like a murder of crows, there's a gaggle of nuns," O'Neill says.

20. Vee gives Suzanne a gift: UNO. Suzanne clutches it to her chest.

Uzo Aduba — who won an Emmy for her work in the first season of Orange Is the New Black — is so nuanced as the mentally ill, tragic Suzanne. In the dynamic with Vee, it's completely comprehensible to the viewer why Suzanne loves and needs her so much, even if it means sacrificing Suzanne's sweet side in favor of her violent impulses. But even she can't quite understand Vee's manipulation here. As much as she doubts her own version of events, she's having a hard time erasing herself for Vee.


21. Leanne (Emma Myles) and Angie (Julie Lake) are making fun of Pennsatucky, their former friend.


Angie calls Pennsatucky a "dyke." Leanne, who saw Healy sitting by himself, tells Pennsatucky that no one came to Safe Place.

22. Alex (Laura Prepon) comes to visit Piper!


Piper compliments her sweater: "Soft — like your resolve when offered a plea deal."

"I thought you were going to tell the truth," Alex says about testifying against Kubra. "I thought you were going to lie!" Piper spits back. "Jesus, we're like a fucking O. Henry story," Alex says.

Alex tells Piper that she's so scared that she sleeps with a gun. She also points out she has no job skills, and mentions that her probation officer's name is David Crockett (this will come up later). She hopes he'll bust her for "some stupid infraction," and says she needs to escape. "I don't have a choice," she says.

Piper realizes that she's alone: "I don't have anyone left." Alex understands. "I'm sorry, Piper. I'm sorry for all of it," she says. "I know that the track record is shit, but I really do love you."

24. Suzanne is looking for her lock, and can't find it. "I think I did it," she says about attacking Red.

"Vee says I did it," Suzanne says to Taystee. "Yo, Suzanne, Vee is a liar," she responds. And: "That woman is evil." Which is a characterization Suzanne can't handle. "You poor crazy fool," Taystee says with real sympathy.

"I am not crazy," Suzanne says. "I am unique."


25. Daya (Dascha Polanco) tells Bennett that after experiencing pregnancy, she no longer buys the premise of the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.


He tells her about Fig, and the possible promotion of Caputo, and how it means he can't confess about their relationship. "I love you, John," she says. "But you're a pussy."

27. Sister Ingalls sees that the nuns are outside holding a vigil to support her. "Who knew I still had juice?"


Red tries to tempt her with food. Ingalls scolds her again about not telling on Vee. "You eat, I sing like a canary," Red says, bartering. Ingalls ponders it: "We abandon our principles together?"

28. Suzanne is looking at the lock: "I do not remember taking Lady Locksley out there. I do not!"

The SIS investigators are pressing her, and they mention that they know she's close to Vee. Suzanne looks proud: "She's the brains. I'm the muscle." She's making little sense. One of the SIS guys underlines "primary suspect" on his notepad.


31. A mopey Healy comes in to see Red and Ingalls; he tells Red that Suzanne is being blamed for assaulting her.


She tells Healy they need to bring SIS back. "You let the crazy one take the hit for the real evil. Where's your fight?" she says.

Healy: "You know what you get when you try around here? Not much."

32. Miss Rosa meets with her doctor: "Do me a favor and talk to me like you would if I was a person you loved."

"The chemo's not working. This cancer's aggressive," he says. He tells her she has "three to six weeks" to live. "Thank you," she says simply.


34. And Polly (Maria Dizzia) and Larry (Jason Biggs) visit Piper and ask for her blessing.


Piper lays into them: "Fuck you. Fuck both of you." Polly says, "We didn't decide to love each other. It just happened. The way love does."

35. Pennsatucky talks to Healy about Safe Place; he's cold to her.


"I thought we had the same values," he says.

At first, she gets nowhere with him. But then she tells him he's the only person ever "to take the time to talk" to her.

And about her friendship with Boo, she says, "And I will never finger her. And I will never let her finger me."


37. Healy goes to talk to Suzanne. She now totally distrusts her own memories: "I thought I was mopping in the warehouse."

"Who can I trust?" she asks. "Yourself," he says. She laughs before asking whether Red is going to be OK.

39. Fig is packing her office. But she hasn't been fired, she's resigned — because the warden doesn't want a scandal.


"Good luck with your noble intentions," she says to Caputo. "This place will beat 'em out of you quick."


41. Finally, Poussey, Taystee, Janae, and Black Cindy come together, united against Vee.


Black Cindy and Janae say Vee's stash is gone. They realize Vee has no one. Poussey and Taystee start to come up with a plan.

43. Caputo tells Ingalls that she's not being transferred. (She had no idea she was going to be transferred.)

Not knowing she already broke her strike, he asks her to eat for him. "Fig is out. I'm in. Give me a win here," he says. He also gives her a muffin, which she eats. He tells her to call off the nuns.


45. Vee, half-insane by now, goes to Taystee and is both accusatory and ingratiating.

Poussey and Janae show up to protect Taystee; so does Black Cindy. "You'd be 10 years dead now," Vee says to Taystee.

But Vee can't get to Taystee anymore. "Here's the thing about mamas," Taystee says to her. "They're only mamas as long as they've got kids."

Vee answers. "You're turning me out? Fuck you." Black Cindy and Janae tell her they're going to tell the truth about the attack on Red.

Before she goes, Vee tells Taystee, "You break my heart."

"Might be true," Taystee says. "If you had one." After all these years, she is finally free of Vee.

46. On the way back from the doctor, Morello tries to talk with Miss Rosa, who has fallen silent, about Toy Story 2.


Ford (Germar Terrell Gardner), the guard, tells Morello, "She's done."

Then he starts singing the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" as if he hadn't said what he just said. Morello is shocked.

47. Soso (Kimiko Glenn) tells Piper that prison is "the loneliest place I've ever been and I lived alone in a tree for eight months."

She doesn't think she'll be the same when she comes out. Piper says maybe that's OK.

"It's not fucking OK," Soso says.

"I know," Piper says.

48. As Suzanne is being told that she's being transferred to maximum security prison, she goes into a preschool reverie.


"We say 'thank you,' we say 'please,' and 'excuse me' when we sneeze. That's the way we do what's right. We have manners. We're polite!"

It's clear to the investigators, who want to get out of there, that they have the right person.


51. Bennett confesses to Caputo that he's the father of Daya's baby. "It's my second day!" Caputo yells.

"I can't have this," he says. "No. This has been dealt with." (Pornstache is thought to be the father, and has been fired because of it.) He tells Bennett that he'll send Daya to max if he tells anyone else.

Bennett backs down.

52. Piper calls Larry, who is with Polly. She asks them for a favor: Find Alex's probation officer and tell him that Alex is violating her probation and leaving town.

Larry starts to press her about it. "Larry, I am giving you the opportunity to fuck over someone that you hate," Piper points out. He doesn't want to do it because he knows Piper wants to be with Alex again. Piper knows Polly will do it. "What's the office called again?" Polly asks.


61. Morello and Miss Rosa have been held outside during the lockdown — which gives Morello an idea.

"Don't die in here, Miss Rosa," she says. "Go do it your own way." She leaves the keys. Miss Rosa takes the van.

62. Miss Rosa, in prison for bank robbery, is used to getaways. Caputo and Ingalls are on their way to talk to the nuns about the end of her hunger strike. He sees the van careening toward them.

"What the fuck! O'Neill, scatter the nuns!"


Season 3 of Orange Is the New Black premieres Friday, June 12 on Netflix.