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20 Of The Biggest Dick Moves In Literature

WARNING: Spoilers. Because as we all know, authors can be jerks and their characters even more so.

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2. Titus baking Chiron and Demetrius into pies, and serving them to their family in Titus Andronicus.


Revenge is a dish best served piping hot and with a flakey crust, according to Shakespeare. Nevertheless, it's still a dick move.


4. Amy being all Amy-ish in Little Women.

Where to begin? Not only does she steal Jo's trip to Europe and take Laurie from Jo, she burns Jo's book! What a grade-A dick move. The jury's still out on whether she stole the "sephine" from Jo, as well.

6. Jack stealing Piggy's glasses in Lord Of The Flies.

Not only do Jack and the other kids steal Piggy's glasses, they add insult to injury by killin' him! What a bunch of little dicks, literally and figuratively.


10. Dolores Umbridge forcing Harry to write "I must not tell lies" in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.


This made me so mad when I originally read it, that I literally yelled "Fuck you!" out loud. Only true dick moves make me do that.


12. Esther and Betsy puking in the back of a cab, and covering it with Kleenex in The Bell Jar.

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends ... Well, except for pulling dick moves on cab drivers!"

13. Moby Dick living up to the hype in Moby Dick.

Reading, you think "Nah, he's just a whale; Ahab will get him," then BAM! He kills everyone save Ishmael. A Moby Dick-move, some would say, but hey, he was being hunted after all.


17. Edmund giving up his family for more Turkish Delight in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Turkish Delight isn't even that good. It's not like the Queen was offering him Double Stuf Oreos, because then I might be able to forgive this dick move.