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    Living On Your Own: Expectations Vs Reality

    In an empty flat, no one can hear you fart.

    by , ,

    1. Expectation: You can be naked all the time and it will be so liberating.

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    Reality: It turns out being naked all the time is just cold and dangerous.

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    2. Expectation: No one will tempt you into ruining your carb-free summer.


    Reality: No one is there to stop you from eating a whole tub of ice cream by yourself.

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    3. Expectation: You get to pick whatever you want to watch on TV.

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    FINALLY you can get around to watching all those intelligent, subversive films you've been meaning to see for years.

    Reality: You just end up watching the same reruns of America's Next Top Model over and over again.

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    4. Expectation: You never have to wait to shower.

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    Reality: You never have to shower.

    Nickelodeon / Via Flo Perry

    5. Expectation: The washing machine is always going to be free.


    You'll never run out of pants again!

    Reality: You just turn your pants inside out because no one's watching.

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    6. Expectation: You'll become an amazing cook who eats their favourite food all the time.

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    Reality: You become a master at cheese on toast.

    7. Expectation: Everyone will talk about your legendary parties.

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    Reality: Everyone does talk about your legendary parties – but you're the only one there to clean up after them.

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    8. Expectation: Your quiet evenings will give you the perfect opportunity to catch up on some reading.


    Reality: You spend all your time on social media, desperate for human company.


    9. Expectation: There'll be lots of space in the kitchen so you can be organised.


    Reality: You find yourself beginning to wonder whether "tidy" was ever even a thing.


    10. Expectation: You'll never have to put up with your friends' cheesy taste in music again.

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    Reality: Justin Bieber secretly touches your heart and you can listen to him as much as you want.

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    11. Expectation: If there's a spider, you'll be totally fucked.

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    Reality: You're totally fucked.

    12. Expectation: Washing up for one is so easy!

    Reality: Suddenly buying more crockery seems the preferable option.

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    13. Expectation: You'll have lovely dinner parties for your sophisticated friends.

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    Reality: You spend stupid money feeding people who make more than you and they leave without doing the washing up.


    14. Expectation: You get to have a pet that will love you unconditionally. / Via Flo Perry

    Reality: Instead of staving off loneliness, it becomes the mascot for your loneliness.

    Atlantic Records/ Asylum Records / Via Flo Perry

    15. Expectation: You get to decide who comes over and who doesn't.

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    Reality: Bitter, bitter loneliness.

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    16. Expectation: No one will be around when you want to have sex.

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    17. Expectation: No more arguing over the thermostat. You can have it hot as you like.

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    Reality: Your gas bill is the most terrifying thing you've seen in years.

    18. Expectation: Your flat will have the coolest interior design.

    MTV / Via Flo Perry

    Reality: Not so much.

    TabTV / Via Flo Perry

    19. Expectation: No one will "borrow" your favourite clothes. / Via Flo Perry

    Reality: You cannot "borrow" your housemates' favourite clothes.

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    20. Expectation: You will totally cut down on alcohol.

    Bravo / Via Flo Perry


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    21. Expectation: You are independent and invincible.

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    Reality: You momentarily choke on a biscuit and your entire life flashes before your eyes – and no one is coming to save you.

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    22. Expectation: No one will steal your food.


    Reality: Your fridge is always empty.

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    23. Expectation: It is so awesome having sole access to your own house.


    Reality: It is much less awesome when you’re locked out.

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    24. Expectation: Everyone will be so impressed by how grown up and sorted out your life is.

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    Reality: You have no one else to blame for the state of the house or, in fact, the state of your life in general.

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    25. Expectation: You never have to wait to poo.

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    Reality: You NEVER have to wait to poo.

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