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Living On Your Own: Expectations Vs Reality
In an empty flat, no one can hear you fart.
Expectation: You can be naked all the time and it will be so liberating.
Reality: It turns out being naked all the time is just cold and dangerous.
Expectation: No one will tempt you into ruining your carb-free summer.
Reality: No one is there to stop you from eating a whole tub of ice cream by yourself.
Expectation: You get to pick whatever you want to watch on TV.
Reality: You just end up watching the same reruns of America's Next Top Model over and over again.
Expectation: You never have to wait to shower.
Reality: You never have to shower.
Expectation: The washing machine is always going to be free.
Reality: You just turn your pants inside out because no one's watching.
Expectation: You'll become an amazing cook who eats their favourite food all the time.
Reality: You become a master at cheese on toast.
Expectation: Everyone will talk about your legendary parties.
Reality: Everyone does talk about your legendary parties – but you're the only one there to clean up after them.
Expectation: Your quiet evenings will give you the perfect opportunity to catch up on some reading.
Reality: You spend all your time on social media, desperate for human company.
Expectation: There'll be lots of space in the kitchen so you can be organised.
Reality: You find yourself beginning to wonder whether "tidy" was ever even a thing.
Expectation: You'll never have to put up with your friends' cheesy taste in music again.
Reality: Justin Bieber secretly touches your heart and you can listen to him as much as you want.
Expectation: If there's a spider, you'll be totally fucked.
Reality: You're totally fucked.
Expectation: Washing up for one is so easy!
Reality: Suddenly buying more crockery seems the preferable option.
Expectation: You'll have lovely dinner parties for your sophisticated friends.
Reality: You spend stupid money feeding people who make more than you and they leave without doing the washing up.
Expectation: You get to have a pet that will love you unconditionally.
Reality: Instead of staving off loneliness, it becomes the mascot for your loneliness.
Expectation: You get to decide who comes over and who doesn't.
Reality: Bitter, bitter loneliness.
Expectation: No one will be around when you want to have sex.
Reality: THERE IS NO ONE TO HAVE SEX WITH.
Expectation: No more arguing over the thermostat. You can have it hot as you like.
Reality: Your gas bill is the most terrifying thing you've seen in years.
Expectation: Your flat will have the coolest interior design.
Reality: Not so much.
Expectation: No one will "borrow" your favourite clothes.
Reality: You cannot "borrow" your housemates' favourite clothes.
Expectation: You will totally cut down on alcohol.
Reality: LOL NO ONE IS WATCHING.
Expectation: You are independent and invincible.
Reality: You momentarily choke on a biscuit and your entire life flashes before your eyes – and no one is coming to save you.
Expectation: No one will steal your food.
Reality: Your fridge is always empty.
Expectation: It is so awesome having sole access to your own house.
Reality: It is much less awesome when you’re locked out.
Expectation: Everyone will be so impressed by how grown up and sorted out your life is.
Reality: You have no one else to blame for the state of the house or, in fact, the state of your life in general.
Expectation: You never have to wait to poo.
Reality: You NEVER have to wait to poo.
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