1.This week, Riverdale went above and beyond fulfilling the CW's shirtless men clause in just the first few moments of the episode:
2.Archie and Betty are still friends with benefits, and I had to laugh at the sheer volume of candles lit for this hookup:
3.Veronica's husband Chad is back in the picture again this episode, and Veronica says exactly what I've thought every time this man appears on screen:
4.Juniper and Dagwood really take after their father, Jason, in that they have seemingly taken a vow of silence! But it was nice to see them again for a change...
5.Smithers is back! That's all!
6.Katy Keene, who is apparently the only resident of NYC, calls Veronica and tells her that Chad has been seen around Lacy's (lol) with a Spiffany's (lol) heiress!
7.So, as ~revenge~, Veronica asks Eric and Archie to pose for a selfie while they remodel her home.
8.Riverdale continued its product placement streak by having Jughead indulge in a bag of Lay's potato chips.
9.Toni, Kevin, and Fangs gathered the group together to share some news — Kevin and Fangs are engaged and having a baby, and Toni is their surrogate. The trio plans to raise the baby together.
10.Toni and Cheryl have their first healthy conversation in a while — until Cheryl goes full Cheryl and decides to create a little chaos instead.
11.During a painting session with Minerva, Cheryl decides to throw a key party as a kind of backwards way to get to Toni. Again, WAY too many candles for a town whose only fire department is run by Archie Andrews. But as a thirtysomething, this line truly made me cackle:
12.The whole point of the party, I guess, was so Cheryl could show Toni that she made a not-at-all creepy, totally chill, and normal nursery in her totally not-haunted house.
13.Jughead's...not doing great! He's suffering from a blackout from a period where he did Jingle Jangle and even harder drugs in NYC, and it's manifesting in him having flashes of aliens wherever he goes???
14.It would be slightly hilarious if what Jughead's ~actually~ remembering is seeing some off-off-Broadway one-man show in NYC after using too much Jingle Jangle.
15.This was a very relationship-focused episode (hence the lack of some of the more ~wild~ Riverdale plotlines), so here's where all of our couples left off. After the key party, Kevin told Fangs he wasn't quite ready for marriage. :(
16.Betty and Archie decide to be just friends, because honestly Betty is going through it right now and what she really needs is a friend. Fair.
17.Tabitha is already a wonderful presence in Jughead's life — when Jughead decided to attend an alien encounters support group (lol), she stayed by his side and then took care of him when he got too drunk at Cheryl's party. She's a keeper.
18.Archie and Veronica still have feelings for each other, and they hook up after she finally ditches Chad!
19.And Cheryl and Minerva also kissed this week!
20.Finally — and importantly — Polly is still missing, but Alice has seemingly been getting calls from her that sound like they're "from a spaceship," taking E.T. phone home a bit too literally for my taste.
21.Sadly, the episode doesn't end on a very hopeful note for Polly — Betty and Alice try to track her down, but see a bloody and destroyed phone booth instead with no sign of Polly.
And that's a wrap on this week! What do you think is going on with Jughead and the mothmen? Do you think Polly is okay? Would you have accepted Cheryl's creepy nursery? Let me know in the comments!
