21 Things That Actually Happened On "Riverdale" This Week

    "Flex for my followers!"

    1. This week, Riverdale went above and beyond fulfilling the CW's shirtless men clause in just the first few moments of the episode:

    Archie, Fangs, and Kevin shirtless

    2. Archie and Betty are still friends with benefits, and I had to laugh at the sheer volume of candles lit for this hookup:

    Archie and Betty hooking up with candles in the background and the caption "baby, thank you for creating so many fire hazards for me"

    3. Veronica's husband Chad is back in the picture again this episode, and Veronica says exactly what I've thought every time this man appears on screen:

    Veronica side by side with a text from chad saying "not now, chad"

    4. Juniper and Dagwood really take after their father, Jason, in that they have seemingly taken a vow of silence! But it was nice to see them again for a change...

    Alice with Juniper and Dagwood with the caption "the face of a woman remembering her grandkids do, in fact, exist"

    5. Smithers is back! That's all!

    Smithers with heart eye emojis!

    6. Katy Keene, who is apparently the only resident of NYC, calls Veronica and tells her that Chad has been seen around Lacy's (lol) with a Spiffany's (lol) heiress!

    7. So, as ~revenge~, Veronica asks Eric and Archie to pose for a selfie while they remodel her home.

    A picture of Eric, Veronica and Archie posing for a selfie. Flex for my followers - Veronica, Lol k def not gonna do that - eric, basically

    8. Riverdale continued its product placement streak by having Jughead indulge in a bag of Lay's potato chips.

    Betty and Jughead making eye contact with the caption "nice to lays eyes on you" and "people still chip us together" because Jughead is eating from a Lay's chip bag

    9. Toni, Kevin, and Fangs gathered the group together to share some news — Kevin and Fangs are engaged and having a baby, and Toni is their surrogate. The trio plans to raise the baby together.

    Picture of toni, kevin, and fangs with the caption First comes cult, then comes tickles, then comes baby in the baby carriage

    10. Toni and Cheryl have their first healthy conversation in a while — until Cheryl goes full Cheryl and decides to create a little chaos instead.

    Toni and Cheryl

    11. During a painting session with Minerva, Cheryl decides to throw a key party as a kind of backwards way to get to Toni. Again, WAY too many candles for a town whose only fire department is run by Archie Andrews. But as a thirtysomething, this line truly made me cackle:

    12. The whole point of the party, I guess, was so Cheryl could show Toni that she made a not-at-all creepy, totally chill, and normal nursery in her totally not-haunted house.

    13. Jughead's...not doing great! He's suffering from a blackout from a period where he did Jingle Jangle and even harder drugs in NYC, and it's manifesting in him having flashes of aliens wherever he goes???

    14. It would be slightly hilarious if what Jughead's ~actually~ remembering is seeing some off-off-Broadway one-man show in NYC after using too much Jingle Jangle.

    Alien with the caption "one singular sensation"

    15. This was a very relationship-focused episode (hence the lack of some of the more ~wild~ Riverdale plotlines), so here's where all of our couples left off. After the key party, Kevin told Fangs he wasn't quite ready for marriage. :(

    :( Fangs

    16. Betty and Archie decide to be just friends, because honestly Betty is going through it right now and what she really needs is a friend. Fair.

    17. Tabitha is already a wonderful presence in Jughead's life — when Jughead decided to attend an alien encounters support group (lol), she stayed by his side and then took care of him when he got too drunk at Cheryl's party. She's a keeper.

    18. Archie and Veronica still have feelings for each other, and they hook up after she finally ditches Chad!

    Veronica and Archie kissing with the caption "we're endgame archie"

    19. And Cheryl and Minerva also kissed this week!

    Cheryl and Minerva kiss

    20. Finally — and importantly — Polly is still missing, but Alice has seemingly been getting calls from her that sound like they're "from a spaceship," taking E.T. phone home a bit too literally for my taste.

    Betty on the phone with the caption "whatever you do, don't say tangerine"

    21. Sadly, the episode doesn't end on a very hopeful note for Polly — Betty and Alice try to track her down, but see a bloody and destroyed phone booth instead with no sign of Polly.

    And that's a wrap on this week! What do you think is going on with Jughead and the mothmen? Do you think Polly is okay? Would you have accepted Cheryl's creepy nursery? Let me know in the comments!