The year was 2012, and it was a simpler time. The Twilight Saga was coming to an end with Breaking Dawn — Part 2, and we were all in our seats at the movie theater for a midnight screening like proper fans.
We had all read the books, so we pretty much knew what was going to happen, but we couldn't wait to watch it all unfold on screen.
We knew we were going to see Bella in full vampire action, we'd get to meet Renesmee, that J. Jenks would be a goddamn hero, and that there'd be some massive Volturi confrontation, but the Cullens were gonna be fine, obviously. ObViOuSlY.
So then, la dee fucking da, we're cruising right along and we get to the climax of the movie with the Volturi, and Alice was like:
And Aro was like:
And all of us in the theater were basically kinda just like…??????
And Renesmee and creepy imprinter Jacob were like:
And then Aro was like:
And we in the audience were all kinda murmuring to ourselves and shifting uncomfortably in our seats like….
And then Carlisle and Aro are like:
And then, not to be dramatic, but everything fucking changed forever and a panic swept over the movie theater.
And it hit us like a ton of bricks. He was just lyin' there because he did not have a head anymore!!! We shrieked! People fainted! It was, in a word…PANDEMONIUM!!!!
And she was like:
And they were like:
And we, the audience, as represented by a pre-Bohemian Rhapsody Rami Malek wearing red contacts, were like:
And this asshole was just like:
And then this happened, and we were all like, "Shit, we've spent a decade learning that when you burn a vampire, they're gone forever omfg…this is NOT GOOD!"
And we were all collectively like:
And then the whole thing went completely wild. I don't speak wolf, but they had to be thinking this:
Each moment that followed was pure, unadulterated chaos and it genuinely felt like we were having a fever dream!
Honestly, each shot was like a truly wild renaissance painting.
YOU LEAVE MY CGI WOLF BBS ALONE!!!
This future Oscar winner EMOTED!!!!
Dakota Fanning smirked while torturing people!
(And lol these two were still just like…giddy-up! Everyone around us lit'rally dyin' and it's chill!)
At this point, it was like a full 10 minutes of this, and I'm not even sure if I was breathing? The whole theater was in a total state of shock, trying to comprehend what we had just witnessed.
And it was like…please dear god is it over yet?
Aro's head is on the ground, this HAS TO BE ENDING SOON RIGHT???
This is a shot of a severed head literally watching as it is about to be burnt! V normal content!!!
And at this point, we're all like, can we go back to Isle Esme and "A Thousand Years" and Anna Kendrick making funny little one-liners???
And just as I'm breathing into my empty popcorn bag to calm myself, Alice is like…so you see…that's what COULD happen, which is seriously the vampire version of IT WAS ALL A DREAM.
And this guy, like, literally pooped his pants.
And they were like, "Hope that's…IMPRINTED on your mind forever Aro!!!! Heheh get it???"
And we, as an audience, were equal parts traumatized and riveted! Because as wild as it was, it was a truly gripping twist that none of us saw coming, even if it was completely undone moments later.
And everyone involved with this saga was like:
And, yeah, anyway that's what it was like watching it all happen in real time. It's a movie theater moment that I'll truly never forget, and I hope you enjoyed reliving it with me.
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