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Will Jacob beat Edward once and for all?
Michelle: I forgot who this man was so I just watched the Volturi battle again. His final word before knowing his death is about to come is “finally” and, SAME BITCH. I can relate and for that reason he gets some points in my book. 2/10
Isha: Hard pass on this old geezer. 0/10
Jenna: Marcus is ancient, lonely and sad. If I wanted to hook up with someone like that I'd just masturbate. 0/10
Thirst level: 0.67
Michelle: Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo I mean, each to their own. 1/10
Isha: Just because he’s some big, important vampire dude, doesn’t mean he makes me thirsty. 1/10
Jenna: Aro is creeeeeeeeeepy AF. No thank you. 1.5/10
Thirst level: 1.17
Michelle: My FaThEr WiLl bE hEaRiNg AbOuT tHis bootleg Draco Malfoy face-ass. 1/10
Isha: I’m sorry but Vladimir looks like a legitimate wax statue. In fact, I’ve seen sexier wax statues than this. Sorry not sorry. 2/10
Jenna: He looks like something out of Village of the Damned. I don’t want that in my bed, thank you. 1/10
Total: 1.33
Michelle: A member of the sad boi club. He looks like he cries when he nuts. 2/10
Isha: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Alistair is fine for me. Nothing more, nothing less. 3/10
Jenna: He looks like he needs a good wash. Not a sexy wash. An actual cleansing wash. 4/10
Thirst level: 3.17
Michelle: Idk, man. He has this face that looks like he’s constantly JUST sharted. 2/10
Isha: There was a FELIX in Twilight??? My memory is failing me right now, but old mate grabs some points for that cape get up. 3/10
Jenna: HE DOES look like he just sharted. Or he’s just constantly sniffing farts. I mean, he could still crush me though… 4.5/10
Thirst level: 3.17
Michelle: I can’t fuck with a man with sleeker hair than me. 1/10
Isha: The first thought I had when I looked at Caius is that he looked like a dollar store version of Draco Malfoy. And yeah, that’s fine and all but I can do better. 3/10
Jenna: I have such a dirty crush on Jamie Campbell Bower. Admittedly, Caius isn’t his greatest look. But yeah, I’d go there. 5.5/10
Thirst level: 3.17
Michelle: I literally have no idea who this is but he is like one of the only people in the Twilight pool who isn’t pale so I am interested. 4/10
Isha: Not a fan of this chin beard business. See yaaaaa. 1/10
Jenna: I wouldn’t not bang him. 5/10
Thirst level: 3.33
Michelle: Ok Billy boy. Just like Charlie, I would like a slice of Mr Black. 7/10
Isha: HELL NO!!!! Every fibre of my being screams at me if I try to think of Billy in a thirst-inducing way. 0/10
Jenna: Billy is great but a liiiiittle too old for me. 4/10
Thirst level: 3.67
Michelle: Lmao, Mr Molina could get a lil’. 6/10
Isha: Why is Mr Molina on this list????? Nuh-uh. 0/10
Jenna: He's a good-looking guy! Sure, I’ll be the teacher’s pet. 5/10
Total: 3.67
Michelle: I don’t remember Tyler at all but he is rocking that head bandaid, and he can rock other things too if you know what I’m saying. 8/10
Isha: Tyler who? Sorry good sir, I do not remember you. 0/10
Jenna: Tyler almost hit Bella with his van, guys!! Maybe it's the reason I've never been into him. 3/10
Total: 3.67
Michelle: Why is Mike as pale as the vampires in the film? Sir? What’s your excuse? 3/10
Isha: I could be in the minority here but I feel like Mike’s thirst-factor is SEVERELY underrated. He is pure and wholesome, and is probably hiding a six pack underneath all those layers. 7.5/10
Jenna: Mike looks and acts like a walking talking human bowl of porridge. And he’s a total Nice Guy™. Nope. 1/10
Thirst level: 3.83
Michelle: This boy seems…nice. Like they type of boy you 110% friendzone nice. Sorry buddy. 2/10
Isha: I feel like Eric is the sort of dude who would be my best friend during high school and nothing more. On the other hand, I feel like if he got rid of the Justin Bieber-esque haircut, he would be 10 times more attractive. 5/10
Jenna: Eric is cute and sweet and fun, if a little dorky. 5/10
Thirst level: 4
Michelle: Another one in the sad boi club. Maybe I think they’re sad because they’re all pale with dark hair but either way, I am extremely not interested. 2/10
Isha: I am very much into Eleazar and this whole “stare into your soul” look he’s giving me. Even if it does look a little crazy. 7.5/10
Jenna: Something about Eleazar gives me major creepy vibes. Like I actually get the shivers, and not in a good way. 3.5/10
Thirst level: 4.33
Michelle: People in this franchise fucking LOVE an exposed chest. And look, I’m not hating. 6/10
Isha: Laurent has a fabulous head of hair but he doesn’t give me any tingles or what not. 3/10
Jenna: Laurent is fine. I don’t hate him, don’t love him. He’s fine. 5/10
Thirst level:4.67
Michelle: Demetri is fine-looking. I wouldn’t jump at the opportunity but…I also wouldn’t say no. 4/10
Isha: Demetri isn’t bad looking, but he would be a heck of a lot more attractive if I could actually remember who he was. 4/10
Jenna: Demetri looks sexier with his hair pushed back. If he permanently ditches the pointy ‘do, I’m all in. 6/10
Thirst level: 4.67
Michelle: Let’s be honest, Quil is the “keep it” of the wolf pack. 3/10
Isha: I’m pretty sure I was very much into Quil as a 13-year-old and grown up me thinks he is just as fine. 8/10
Jenna: Aw, Quil is cute. I don’t really want to bang him, but I’d like to make him a cup of tea and some biscuits. 5/10
Total: 5.33
Michelle: Tbh, I ain’t mad at it. 5/10
Isha: Wasn’t this dude also in love with Renesmee??? Ughhhh but he’s kind of fine, so I’ll score him a couple of points. 4/10
Jenna: Ok Nahuel. I’m listening. 7/10
Thirst level: 5.33
Michelle: Yes, hello. I would fuck Mr Swan. Don’t shame me. 8/10
Isha: Look, Charlie’s mustache really isn’t doing any favours for me. Also he reminds me too much of my own dad, so no thanks. 1/10
Jenna: DADDY SWAN. He could handcuff me any day. 7.5/10
Thirst level: 5.33
Michelle: Sis, no. I feel like Jasper is the weird Michael Cera of the Twilight franchise. 2/10
Isha: I won’t hear a bad word against Jasper. He is cute and shy, which makes my thirst levels go through the ROOOOOF. But then he shows off this badass side in Eclipse, which is really just the cherry on top of this package. 9/10
Jenna: I think Jackson Rathbone is very attractive IRL but the blond wig and pasty makeup didn’t really work for him. Still, I was really into his swagger in the baseball scene. 6.5/10
Thirst level: 5.83
Michelle: No. I don’t know why, but no. 3/10
Isha: I’m still mentally shook that Rami Malek and his killer jawline were in Twilight. But that being said, he can, like, get it, you know. 8/10
Jenna: I think Rami Malek is soooo sexy but I'm not really feeling this look on him. 6.5/10
Thirst level: 5.83
Michelle: Sam gives me those sexy, bossy vibes. The kind of man who raises his voice 0.2 decibels above their normal level and it makes you go “oh…” but also “...oh”. 7/10
Isha: Hmmmmm. Sam is hot, I’ll give him that, but he’s not giving me any overwhelming thirst vibes. 5/10
Jenna: Sam’s a bit of a dick. But a hot dick. 6/10
Total: 6
Michelle: Jared is...cute. I feel indifferent about the boy, but he looks sweet. 6/10
Isha: Honestly, I don’t remember Jared. But he’s part of the wolf pack, so that naturally scores highly for me. 6/10
Jenna: Jared’s a cutie! And from memory, I think he had a good sense of humour? I really need to rewatch these movies. 6.5/10
Thirst level: 6.17
Michelle: Lmao why does Riley lowkey look like Clay from 13 Reasons Why? He just looks constantly sad? Cheer up buddy. 3/10
Isha: I am REALLY into Riley and am mad at myself for forgetting how hot of a character he is. He’s honestly ticking so many boxes for me and I am ready and waiting in the bedroom for him. 9/10
Jenna: Oh man, whatever happened to Xavier Samuel? It was so exciting to see an Aussie in the franchise. And also, yes, I’d bang him. 7/10
Thirst level: 6.33
Michelle: Embry looks like he would be a fun friend. Like you’d have mad laughs together but that’s where it stops. 4/10
Isha: Embry, booooooooy. You could send me a single text message and I would be yours forever. Enough said. 9/10
Jenna: I’m into the way the wolf pack are allergic to shirts but not jorts. Which is my way of saying Embry, hello. 6/10
Thirst level: 6.33
Michelle: I’d fuck this one. Idk, he looks scruffy and according to my dating history, I love men who are incapable of taking care of themselves. 7/10
Isha: Hmm, I’m kind of conflicted. I dig Garrett’s rough stubble vibe (and I bet he has strong hands), but this hairstyle is just not my cup of tea. He seems like good marriage material though. 6/10
Jenna: I’m into the stubble, I’m into the scruffy hair, I’m into the washed-up rocker look. Yes, yes, yes. 8/10
Thirst level: 7
Michelle: Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. I honestly think about that baseball scene all the time. 9/10
Isha: Emmett looks like he could crush my short ass just by flexing his ginormous biceps. And while that may excite some, the thought of being crushed kind of terrifies me. Also my fuckboi radar is going OFF the charts. 6/10
Jenna: YAS EMMETT CRUSSSSSH ME. 8.5/10
Thirst level: 7.83
Michelle: Look. He’s a doctor with a beautiful home and no small kids. How are you not attracted? 8/10
Isha: Carlisle always gave me major ~daddy~ vibes. Plus he looks like the sort of guy who would treat you well, which is a major thirst-factor turn on for me. 8.5/10
Jenna: Unf, he could play doctor with me any day. But I’ll never not see Mike Dexter so that knocks a couple of points off. 7.5/10
Thirst level: 8
Michelle: Bitch. This wolf gives Jacob a run for his money, look at his ABS and his angry eyebrow. Plus no weird Renesmee imprinting. 7.5/10
Isha: Paul is hot, like suuuuuuuper hot. And he also has a raging temper if I remember correctly, which somehow leads me to conclude that he would be FANTASTIC in bed. So yeah, of course he makes me thirsty. 8/10
Jenna: Paul is one quick-tempered, built-ass wolf of a man. I need a glass of water just looking at him. 8/10
Thirst level: 8
Michelle: I am NOT attracted to Edward Cullen. However, I see how he literally almost fucked Bella to death, and I am EXTREMELY about that. 6/10
Isha: Vampire creepiness aside, Edward has some real thirst potential. He dresses well, has that perfect messy-but-styled hair and jumped in front of a car to save the girl he was crushing on. Also isn’t his family rich? What a bonus. 8/10
Jenna: I am Edward Cullen trash through and through. Listen, I know he’s possessive and creepy and I am STILL thirsty for him. It’s some kind of witchcraft. I can’t help it. 10/10
Thirst level: 8
Michelle: I would die for James. Leather jacket-wearing bad boy. Please ruin my life. 10/10
Isha: OK, look. I get it. James is the mysterious bad guy, so we’re meant to find him sexy AF. But do I? Nah, not really. He’s got a good bod though, I’ll give him that. 5/10
Jenna: Is he evil? Yes. Would I bang him? Also yes. James could hunt me down alright. 9.5/10
Thirst level 8.17
Michelle: My, my, my, ok werewolf daddy. He was sooooo fine until I remembered that he imprinted on Renesmee, nicknamed her “Nessie” and stayed in his feelings about her. Now I can’t imagine him having sex without crying in the middle of it. 7/10
Isha: I was 13 years old when I saw Jacob shirtless for the first time and let me tell you, I FELT some things. Like those abs??? Those tight shorts he wears??? That jawline??? C’mon, this is no contest. My wolf king wins. 10/10 (would bang)
Jenna: Oh, bless Jacob. He was so sweet and pure...at least in the first couple of books/movies. Then his character arc kind of went haywire. But ok, the fact he looks like THAT and spends the majority of his time shirtless? It’s hot, and not just because of them werewolf temps. 8/10
Thirst level: 8.33
