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23 Hilariously Genius Lies Parents Actually Told Their Kids

"I was made to believe that the city of Amsterdam was actually called Hamster Jam."

We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what lies they were led to believe as kids. Here are some of the best responses:

1. M&M'S

"My mother was a genius: She told us that brown M&M'S were only for adults, so whenever we encountered a brown M&M we would give it to her."

Submitted by Sara Tardif, Facebook

2. Scottish wildlife

"My parents told me that haggis were small creatures that lived on Scottish hillsides. They had tartan pelts, and the legs on one side of their body were longer than on the other so they could comfortably run around the hill. Bagpipes were made from haggis pelts, and the haggis you eat was made from minced haggis meat."

Submitted by Rachel Watts, Facebook

3. Dog painter

"My dad would never tell us what he really did for a living. He’d always say 'I used to paint the spots on dalmatian dogs, but I got really good and now I paint the spots on ladybirds.’ I believed him for a good couple of years."

Submitted by victoriaj49adb091a

4. Breaking the law

"My dad convinced me it was illegal to play with a toy or game if you were not in the recommended age groups. For example, if it said, 'for ages seven and up' and I was six, then it was illegal for me to play with it."

Submitted by Lilly Smith, Facebook

5. Black and white

"My dad told me that the reason old TV shows and movies were in black and white was because there was no colour in the world at the time. He said colour was invented part way through filming The Wizard Of Oz which is why it starts in black and white and then switches to colour."

Submitted by mabelkmc

6. The hot seat

"Me and my brothers used to squabble loads, so on long car journeys my mom used to threaten us with the ‘ejector seat’ button. It never failed to shock us into nervous silence, and it was only when I was in my teens that the idea of children being flung out of cars seemed ridiculous."

Submitted by scottamidson

7. Seeds

"My mother once told me not to swallow apple seeds because a tree would grow in my stomach. I actually believed her for a while."

Submitted by Amy Susan Fisher, Facebook

8. Festive magic

"My parents told us that on Christmas morning, if we looked or touched our presents before 7am then magic would make them disappear and we wouldn't get them. I believed this for far too long and even after I knew, I was still nervous to touch them incase they disappeared."

Submitted by Libby Rose Louise Packham, Facebook

9. The Neverlands

"I was made to believe that the city of Amsterdam was actually called Hamster Jam."

Submitted by heydw

10. What's for lunch?

"Sometimes when I got home from school, my parents would jokingly poke me and feel my stomach while saying things like 'Oh, I feel some pizza in there. Oh, and some corn... and some salad!' I totally believed they could really feel what I had eaten for lunch because my dad was a doctor and my mom was a nurse. I thought they were just that good. In reality, they read what I was having for lunch in the weekly newsletter/menu."

Submitted by Emily Aust, Facebook

11. Ageless

"My mom had me believe that she was 21 for the longest time, so when I was around 10 I asked 'when are you going to turn 22?'"

Submitted by gracefull

12. Lights off

"I believed that it was illegal to have the lights on in a moving car."

Submitted by cheyenneg48b4c3b30

13. Boycott

"When I was little, my FAVOURITE restaurant was this one diner. My grandmother was coming into town, so naturally I wanted to take her to the diner. I asked my dad if we could go and he said that old people weren't allowed there. Obviously I found this totally offensive so I decided to boycott the place and never went back!"

Submitted by Abbie Israel, Facebook

14. Model behaviour

"Remember back in the '90s when the Gap had mannequins with no faces? Well, my parents used to tell my sister and I that if we misbehaved in the mall we would end up as one of the Gap kids with no faces."

Submitted by adriannaa43fe4e474

15. One day a week

"My dad told me that I could not get a sundae because they were only sold on Sundays."

Submitted by batrxsyxa

16. British bees

"One time when we were visiting relatives in the UK, I was playing outside and a bee got near me and I freaked out. Mom off-handedly said, 'It's OK, honey, British bees don't sting' to get me to calm down. Fast-forward ten years, when as a teenager I repeated that fact within earshot of my mom, and she said 'Who told you such a stupid thing?' You did, Mother. You did."

Submitted by Olivia Belton, Facebook

17. Dinosaur eggs

"I refused to eat eggs when I was younger. The only way my mum could get me to eat them would be to draw green and purple spots on them and tell me they were dinosaur eggs. Apparently I thought dinosaur eggs were delicious."

Submitted by emma-maym

18. Excess blood

"I was told that the reason why I had so many nose bleeds was because I had too much blood in my body. I found out that this wasn't the case when I was 18 years old and had a nose bleed at a friend's house. My friend's mother asked me if I was OK and I told her I was fine and that I just has too much blood in my body. She couldn't stop howling with laughter."

Submitted by Joseph Brennan, Facebook

19. Rapid aging

"My mom told me that if I get angry I will get old. Then she pointed at an old lady and said 'look at her, last week she was just the same age as you and now she’s 70 years old', so I held my anger in FOR YEARS."

Submitted by chikariska

20. Unnecessary censorship

"When I was younger I drew a picture of an alien and I gave him a butt. I showed it to my dad and he told me drawing butts was illegal, so I quickly changed it. I remember reading Captain Underpants and being so confused how the author got it past the government."

Submitted by gracefull

21. It wasn't me

"Whenever my mom would fart she would blame it on the ants in the house AND I BELIEVED HER."

Submitted by shermans

22. State lines

"When I was about six, I was obsessed with the song "Believe" by Cher and I would have it on repeat for hours at a time. We would drive nine hours from Washington to Idaho to visit family and as soon as we crossed the state line my mother would immediately change my CD to radio and tell me it was illegal to listen to anything but country music in Idaho – which I hated but she loved. I believed that shit until I was about 13."

Submitted by baileykristineee

23. Costly spirits

"My mother told me that our house wasn’t haunted because ghosts were too expensive and we couldn’t afford them."

Submitted by ellien488741763

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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